Me: M
Roommate(RM): F
RM's Ex(RMe): F
RMsBF: M
So back in September my current roommate had a violent breakup with her fiance of 6 years. Her fiance moved out and we moved into a different place in January. In Sept she was loving and affections, I asked her about her new boundaries and was told that for the time being snuggles and hugs were fine, but more than that was off the table since she was still feeling broken and vulnerable and would be taking a break from sex and intimacy for a long while. A month later she has been in contact with an old friend who ghosted her over a year prior because RMe had told the guy RM wasn't interested in him. He never asked RM, just cut communication. The guy invites her to a sleep over adult party, she hadn't slept much that previous night, hadn't eaten much of anything that day. Comes back the next day and her attitude towards me starts taking a major turn. No longer leaning in for snuggles, hugs become detached. She came back saying she was starving cause she hadn't eaten much the day prior and hadn't eaten breakfast. Two weeks later she attends another adult party with the guy for Halloween, dresses up erotic as heck. She never asked if I was interested in going to either of them to meet her "new friends". Over the next few months and after we have a new place she starts getting more aggresive in some of her reactions and hugs are more and more detached. In February she shows off a new ring and proclaims she bought it to remind herself to not get into another relationship. Turns out the whole time the guy had become RMsBF. Now she always talks about how disgusting age gap relationships are and how her ex was a groomer and predator for taking advantage of her. RMe Snagged her out of a bad relationship, brought her down, got her into bed as a roommate, made her her GF, then fiance all while she had been in a vulnerable state from her recent breakup, and because her Ex was 9 years older than her which made it an age gap relationship and RMe more of a predetor. RMsBF brought her down to a party when she was physically exhausted, emotionally vulnerable, and lacking nutrition, gets her into bed, turns her into an instant sexually charged rebound relationship fresh out of her violent break up. He is 12 years older than her, I have been her silent guardian and primary provider of housing for nearly 4 years and known her for over 5. Now I am 20 years older than her and all I every sought was snuggles and kissing. He snagged her quick at her most vulnerable, just as her Ex had, I was willing to respect her boundaries and go slow until she was more ready and open. I tried to explain this in a letter, my concerns over her choices and behavior, as well as how it was affecting me emotionally. She assumed that all I took her in for was sex and that I was trying to manipulate her. I have told her time and time again that I am not interested in a sexual relationship with her, even though I wouldn't object. I do love her and I am probably overly forgiving for my own good. She has isolated herself from me, in her room mostly, and refuses to speak to me. It has been just over a month now since she stopped talking with me and treats me as if "I" was the predator and danger to her when her BF has essentially done what her ex did and likely made her think it was all her idea. I am also pretty certain that he was the one who bought the ring and that she lied to me about it. Had she been open and honest with me since October I would have been more understanding, though still concerned, since I am not sure if she is fully aware of his age compared to her "age gap relationships are disgusting and men who engage in them are predators and gross". I do tend to be far more open minded and slightly spiritual so my view is the opposite as long as the two people are of legal age.
How should I proceed? I admit that my letter was immature, miscalculated, and didn't consider how it would land or the uncomfortable position it put her in. My telegram reply wasn't any better as I was mentally divided and let emotions do the talking rather than reason. I want to apologize, but fear making things worse if she is still isolating herself from talking to me or seeing when I am home at the same time. There have been points where she left her room fully open, but she won't use the living room if I am home, only her room, the bathroom, and kitchen. I am still concerned over her behavior and hypocracy between her words and actions, as well as the almost exact start of this new relationship of hers compared to the start of the one with her ex. Any advice would be appreciated. I know I have f-cked up and came off wrong, I still feel lied to and betrayed, but I want to try and set things right if possible. How do I try to fix this if it is even possible?
**TL;DR;** : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, just copy the text in gray box. Is this going the right way?