Hello! I’m looking for sincere advice, please be kind.
Here’s some background:
I’m an american indian, I was born in India but grew up in america for the most part, although I’m connected to my roots and speak both english and my indian language. My boyfriend grew up in india and he moved to the USA for masters degree and to work. We both work in tech now.
For context there’s somewhat of a negative, degrading view when it comes to indians who grew up in india (fobs). In fact I was one of those kids who make fun of fobs while growing up and it was common among my friends. We mainly made fun of their indian accents. Growing up I always saw myself with someone who was indian and grew up here like me.
I met my bf on a dating app but we remained friends because I could never see myself dating a guy from india. I started dating someone else and we remained friends/acquaintances. When I broke up with my ex, my current bf was there for me and I got to really see how caring, smart, and talented my bf is and I fell for him. I didn’t care anymore that he was from India and I was soo in love with him. I even introduced him to my dad in 2 months because I knew he would love him.
We’ve been dating for almost 4 years now and we’ve had lots of ups and downs. I suffer from anxiety which has taken a toll on the relationship. He’s been supportive but he’s reached his limits sometimes.
One of our biggest fights was that he wanted me to grow out of my toxic job and have better goals career wise and I didn’t want to put effort in that. We’ve since resolved things in that area and I’m doing well career wise now. We’ve had arguments about me being better at communicating and him being more accepting of my feelings.
My parents being Indian have been putting pressure on moving this relationship towards marriage. We decided to move in together first to make sure we’re fully compatible.
We’ve lived together for 3 months so far and I think things are going well so far. We’ve been communicating fine, he cooks and cleans most of the time which he likes doing (i know im lucky). He’s been caring towards me and my feelings, and anxiety.
We’ve had minor fights here and there, but that’s okay.
As we’re thinking about marriage I’m starting to feel nervous and nitpicking things. I don’t know if I should pay attention to these thoughts or it’s my anxiety and overthinking. Sometimes I start feeling like maybe I should be with someone that grew up here like me. Sometimes I notice his accent and get cringe.
I do feel very attracted to him but these are things I notice. I do realize that any relationship can have these moments of ick/cringe. I felt regarding other things with my exes sometimes too (they grew up in america).
I don’t know how much I should pay attention to these thoughts. I also sometimes feel awkward to have him interact with friends who are from america because they might judge me. I was very excited to have him meet my cousins from India though.
Apart from this I think we have a good relationship. He’s very caring and does a lot for me and we connect on most things. He’s really helped me grow and put up with my mental health.
I have friends who’ve had very bad relationships and have horrible dating stories. I’m grateful for what I have, but I don’t want things to go badly later.
I’m considering therapy. What are the next steps I should take before marriage to figure things out?