I’m currently in the very early stage of dating someone. I’m textbook anxious attachment and can easily recognise all the associated behaviours in myself. From all my research I see it supposedly originates during childhood because of neglectful parenting, but that doesn’t apply to me. My mum was always very loving and affectionate, and gave us plenty of attention as children. I reject the notion that she’s to blame for all of this. So that part remains a mystery to me.
The other puzzle to solve is how to rid myself of this anxiety so I can have a fighting chance of turning this date into an actual relationship? I’m currently coping by relentlessly researching into the topic to try and educate myself and become more self aware. It’s hard though because though it teaches me how to pretend to not to be anxious, it doesn’t actually remove the anxiety itself you know? All it takes is one little slip of the mask and I could so easily end up self-sabotaging this whole dating journey.
In terms of communication we’ve been relatively open about it so far. She’s admitted to being an inconsistent texter at the best of times, but assures me it’s nothing to do with her interest in me. On my end, I confessed that I experience Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD), which is why default to assuming that I did something wrong when there’s a big gap in text messages. So all of that is out in the open.
And yes, I’ve just signed up for therapy again. I had therapy last summer and it didn’t really help, but hopefully this time will be different? Anyway, aside from therapy what else can I do to stop being so anxious and insecure?