There’s this lady I know that’s loud and sociable so I guess a lot of people like her. At this one gathering she was talking about how there’s a lot of groups/cliques but she doesn’t have one she’s friends with everyone, and she knows so much gossip because people add her to groups because they like her. She kept saying stuff like that , like “I know this because someone added me to a group because they like me. I’m added to so many message groups because people just like me” “ever since I was a kid I was so friendly” “so many boys hit on me when I was younger because I was so friendly and nice”. I remember before she showed me she had 3000 friends on Facebook and she was like, “look I’m so popular I have so many friends”. I know horoscopes aren’t always true but she’s a Gemini and I find this mostly with geminis like they’re trying to climb the social ladder. I’m Libra but I don’t have friends and no one like me so I guess I don’t fit a normal Libra.
I guess it annoys me because I’ve always been on the quiet side and it’s people like her that go “talk more” or “why you so quiet”. I remember at someone’s wedding when the bride had to speak she was loudly commenting, “she’s so shy, so nervous” and if I heard that right before I spoke it would get to me and maybe even affect my confidence while speaking. That kinda thing just annoys me. She even said that she doesn’t like quiet people and her friends are frank people because with quiet people she doesn’t know if they’re telling her the truth or just saying stuff like “you look pretty” while secretly thinking you look bad. On one hand I feel like her bragging about people liking her and being the loudest in the room and disliking quiet people is her projecting an insecurity. But then for me maybe because im quiet her being the way she is also shows my insecurity of being quiet.
But I don’t know if she has an insecurity of wanting to be liked or maybe it’s less of an insecurity and just who she is. Maybe this is my insecurity showing, but if she’s like this because she’s insecure I find that more forgiving and I would tolerate it more, but if she’s just like this because of some other reason then it makes me not like her.
I knew this other girl in school that had a yearbook quote like “I don’t like quiet people” or something like that. She said she can only be friends with talkative people. I just don’t really understand it. For those who are loud or understand these people please explain.
I think I’m more quiet because I just don’t know what to say and when I do say something I get very anxious so I don’t understand how that makes me the bad guy.
7 comments
Have you heard of shadow integration and projection
I knew a Gemini who was just like that 💀
Some people treat social skills like a competitive sport. If you’re amateur and they’re immature, they won’t want to play with you.
Someone who constantly repeats “I’m so popular, I have so many friends, I know everyone” is extremely annoying and unreliable person and you should probably not be anywhere around her.
I think everyone is insecure to some extent.
Some people measure their self worth by how other people respond to them. When people don’t or hardly respond to them it can trigger their insecurities.
I think part of that is when you get a lot of compliments and you don’t get them from a specific person “they must dislike you”
She sounds deeply insecure. Some people externalize their insecurities and fears onto others. Quiet people challenge her belief that she needs to be loud and socially in control to be okay or “normal”. If she can’t be quiet and okay, then it means that if other people *are* quiet and okay it’s a direct challenge of her self concept. So she may ascribe negative attributes to any qualities, beliefs or actions that are not what she would do.
She’s not trying to convince you that she’s normal, she’s trying to convince herself she’s normal.
Some people just cannot grasp that not all people think or act the same way and that it’s not a criticism or invalidation of her life.
Certain people believe that others exist for their own entertainment.
Additionally, as she pretty openly stated, insecure people need constant reassurance, and quiet people do not give them that.
I have a cousin who is very extroverted. She’s always traveling with friends, very sociable and talkative, everyone in my family loves her for being so outgoing. Recently I was talking to her brother and he was telling me that she had been babysitting another cousins kids and that the kids told their mom they got really overwhelmed staying with her because they were doing stuff the entire time, like waterpark in the morning, movie theater in the afternoon, and an event somewhere at night. I asked if that was normal for her and he said she can’t sit at home, she ges uncomfortable if nothing is happening and can’t read books or just hang out. It isn’t the “healthy” thing everyone makes it out to be, we just hear that it is because all the extroverts won’t stop telling us so.