Together about a year and a half. Our sex life is genuinely great when it happens — passionate, connected, both fully into it. But getting there is entirely on me.
I've tried flirty texts, sexy messages, building anticipation — almost never get anything back. Not even acknowledgment. But she'll occasionally drop very subtle hints in person. When I've asked her to give me signals or let me know when she's in the mood, it just doesn't happen even after the conversation.
Some context:
-Separate households, kids involved
-She has some hormonal health issues affecting her desire, but its definitely still there when we have sex.
-She has anxious/avoidant attachment patterns and struggles with vulnerability
-She's expressed interest in exploring light D/s dynamics and brat taming but same wall comes up when I try to open that conversation. Although she has enjoyed rope ans light kinky play when it has happened.
-Sex is 1-3 times per two weeks roughly
My theory is that initiating requires putting her desire out there which feels too vulnerable for her attachment wiring. So she waits for me to create the moment organically.
I'm not dealing with a dead bedroom — she clearly wants it. I just feel like I'm carrying all the initiation weight and walking on eggshells about when the moment is right.
How do you navigate this? Especially curious if anyone has experience with avoidant partners and D/s dynamics specifically.