Im 28(f) Husband is 27(m) we’ve been together 10 years and married for almost 5.
I’m just exhausted in our marriage and don’t know what to do.
My husband works, he’s a good guy, has never been abusive. He does get loud occasionally and is dismissive a lot. But I’ve always just dealt with it and never really said anything to him about it. As it seemed small and he was generally a good man.
I work from home, I do work full time and I’m on calls most of the day so I am pretty confined to my desk for 8-9 hours a day. He works out of the home. Since I “work from home” I generally do all of the cooking, cleaning, organizing. Everything lands on me. Even when I worked outside of the home the chores were handled by me.
I reached my breaking point of him paying me no attention, not helping in the house, and being dismissive last year… I left and stayed with my parents for about a month. He seemed to change the initial problems, started helping, cooking, cleaning. I came back home and he has still done most of the laundry. But I still fold, put away, do the dishes, the cooking, and the other cleaning around the home. It seems like he is doing the bare minimum.
But because I’m exhausted with my job and all the other tasks, I’m now having a hard time getting in the mood to be sexual with him. And quite frankly, with all the responsibilities landing on me, I just can’t get in the headspace to. I do everything from logging in to paying the bills, to feeding the dog. I feel like every responsibility lands on me. It’s leading to me not caring about what happens to us. When he gets home from work I get overwhelmed, as I know he’ll be making a mess or doing something that I will have to clean up when I get off.
When I try to talk to him about these things he says “all you have to do is ask me and I’ll help you do whatever” but I’m tired of asking. Obviously you see dishes in the sink. Obviously you know you threw you towel on the bathroom floor. The floors obviously need to be swept. I don’t want to always have to ask for him to clean. But when I try to explain I’m the bad guy… when I want to leave and get some distance, I’m the one who’s “throwing away years of marriage”
Also I’ve expressed I would like to go do things together to maybe reconnect. But his idea is always doing his hobbies together. (Hunting/fishing) which I have zero desire to do. So when I decline wanting to do those things, he says I’m the one who doesn’t want to spend time with him, which isn’t the case. I’ve vocalized this to him. But it hasn’t stuck.
I feel guilty because he’s not a terrible guy. But I just feel like I deserve to be happier.
I just feel stuck and sad.
We’ve tried therapy. He lost interest, I’m in therapy weekly on my own.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far.