(Throw away account as he knows my reddit page)
We’ve been together for 2 years and have a generally healthy sex life. Recently, I was reading discussions on my period tracking app about using vibrators during sex to improve stimulation and overall experience. Sometimes after sex, I feel a kind of uncomfortable “void” sensation, and I read that extra stimulation might help with that, my boyfriend is aware of this feeling.
I decided to buy a vibrator to try together and told my boyfriend. He initially said it wasn’t his thing, he wouldn’t benefit from it, and that he preferred to do everything himself, but since neither of us had used it before, he agreed we could try it and see. The first time, I enjoyed it a lot, but he said it threw him off and made him finish too quickly. The second time, it died mid-use and he said he couldn’t concentrate with it, so I suggested we just stop using it altogether.
Then he said something that bothered me, he claimed he’d used one before and that it made him go soft. This confused me because earlier he said he’d never used one. When I pointed that out, he backtracked and said he made it up because he was embarrassed.
This upset me because he has told small lies before, especially during arguments, and it makes me question things. I’m pretty firm on honesty, and it felt like he was saying whatever helped his case in the moment.
During the argument, he also said, “If our sex life is great, why do you need a vibrator?” I explained that it is great, but I thought this could enhance things and possibly help with the discomfort I sometimes feel after.
He then shifted the argument and said I was lying about why I bought it, that I said it was just for experimentation, not to address the “void” feeling. I tried to explain that both can be true: I wanted to experiment, and it might also help with that issue.
He eventually said, “I’ll apologise for lying, but you need to apologise for lying about why you bought it.” That didn’t sit right with me, it felt like he was trying to make things “equal” and downplay his lie. As if, he is happy to change the narrative and emphasise on what benefits him, so he never comes out “losing”
I told him he was trying to manipulate the situation by throwing something else into the conversation so I end up apologising, so that what he did seems smaller. This happens a lot.
We aren’t speaking right now as I needed some space, however, I’m questioning our relationship based on the fact that he has shown me that he is happy to lie for his benefit and to shift conversations so I end up apologising.
Is there any advice about how I can/should get over this?