I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about 3 months. I recently left my corporate job to build a startup. I still make good money/have savings, so I don't mind paying for dates. She is a 26-year-old medical PG student. She gets a stipend from her college and an allowance from her mom.
Early on, she said she felt bad that I spent so much on dates. I told her I make more and I'm fine with it. But now, it feels like she took that as a lifelong free pass. In 3 months, she has not offered to pay for a single thing. Not even a coffee or a slice of cake.
Here are a few things that have been piling up:
- The Double Standard: She is highly protective of her own money (she will check multiple apps to save ₹10), but when we are out, she suggests expensive places like Starbucks or over-orders food. Just yesterday, we got a ₹2k meal, and she kept pushing to order extra garlic bread we didn't need, without offering to chip in.
- Random Expenses: If we are out and she picks up a phone cover, new headphones, or small items, she just lets me pay. I even paid for a cleaning service for her dog's mess at her apartment.
- The Friend: We went out to dinner with her male childhood best friend. They both ordered food and drinks. When the bill came, they both just stood there. I ended up paying for the whole table.
- The Ubers: She stays with me from Friday to Monday. She says she "sacrifices" a lot by traveling to me because it makes her nauseous, but I am the one booking and paying ₹500 each way for her Uber every single time.
On top of the money, she doesn't respect my time. I am building a startup and need to work weekends. She gets mad, throws tantrums, and hangs up on me if I don't plan an exciting date for us every Saturday and Sunday. When I confronted her about not respecting my grind, she said she knows I'll "make it big," so she isn't worried.
The breaking point: This weekend, we fought because I had to work Saturday. Sunday, to make up for it, we went to the movies. I accidentally booked the wrong theater and lost ₹800. I was bummed and said let's just walk around the mall. She pushed to go to a different movie at the mall anyway. She made a half-hearted attempt to "try" to pay, but the second I took my phone out, she stopped and let me pay again.
I was so frustrated by the whole weekend that I had some drinks. At the end of the night, knowing I was stressed, she asked if I was going to drive her and her dog 22km home, or if she should book an Uber. She said she could drive my car, but then I'd have to wait until 2 AM to sober up to drive back, or go home in the morning. I completely lost it and told her to just sit at home because I wasn't going anywhere.
I know I should have communicated my boundaries around money better, but she is a 26-year-old doctor. Shouldn't she have some self-awareness? Am I being used for entertainment and free meals, for blowing up when I previously said I didn't mind providing?
TL;DR: Dating a girl for 3 months. I pay for 100% of our dates, her Ubers, and even her random shopping. She is frugal with her money but happily overspends mine. She gets angry and hangs up on me if I have to work on my startup instead of taking her out on weekends. I finally blew up at her. Am I being used?