Hi, I'm 21f, bi, but more sexualy attracted to men. I've always questioned my sexuality about whether I was under the asexual umbrella since I've never found much pleasure in the act of sex with all the men I've done it with. And usually just rush through it, to get it over with.
I have always been attracted to a more submissive personality, as I am quite stubborn, and headstrong and I know i wouldn't be attracted to someone who sees themselves as having control of me in any way, sexualy or not. But outside of the bedroom, I hate when someone can't reciprocate my attitude, and I still find bigger guys attractive.
My friends and I always joke that I'd end up in a lavender marriage, and honestly, I could see myself happily living like that with a platonic soul mate and an open relationship or something similar.
A month ago, I reconnected with a friend (21m) that I met in my uni's lgbt society early October, and recently, he moved out of his parents house and came to the realisation and acceptance that he thinks he's gay. No attraction to women at all. He had girlfriends in the past, but to him, they were more cover ups and not sexualy compatible at all. They maybe had sex 2 or 3 times in the years of relationships.
Recently, we spent a few days hanging out at his place, we were already quite tactile cuddlingw whilst we slept, but it was only platonic since we both craved physical contact and slept better. But one thing led to another, and we ended up spending about 3 hours making out and having non-penetrative sex. This happened about 3 other times over a few days, using our hands and other things, but no penetration. Honestly, this was the best sex I've ever had, and he said the same. Like I was actually laughing and so happy during and after and shaking from the joy, almost felt drunk from it and couldn't stop giggling every time I think about it.
I was the one in control, being on top and controlling everything, and it was nice that I had a willing, reciprocal partner who didn't try to fight me for dominance. It was almost like there was just us and the moment, and him following and let me control him was so attractive, and where I would usually just want it to be over, I wanted this to last hours. And then I actually got to cuddle and have aftercare that we both enjoyed.
He is still very adamant that he doesn't find women attractive and that I am the exception, which I 100% can accept. We talk about the sex and I think the consensus is that it's good and that we're just friends with benefits, and it will happen again. I'm unsure if I'm developing feelings or if it's just an effect of good sex and feeling special that I'm the first person that he felt good with.
Like I said, this would be my perfect life. Mutual sex is just a benefit, but I'd be happy to have a relationship outside of it for both of us.
My question is in this situation, what do you think would be the best advice going forward in terms of exploring myself and the relationship and what might the case with the whole thing? Thanks