Trying to navigate feelings I (39f) have after reuniting with an ex (36m) from college that left me for another woman and eventually married. It’s not quite jealousy, not quite inadequacy. Just a feeling I can’t name.
After 11 years, I was going through a breakup and him a rough spot in his marriage simultaneously. I did not realize the extent of his feelings toward me and always felt my longing for him was actually one-sided. Turns out it was not and there were a lot of misunderstandings that led to him choosing her over me at that time in his life. We slowly reconnected and rekindled things after he eventually divorced. We have been together almost a year.
While things are great between us now and I know he loves me, I can’t shake the feelings of how his ex got to experience all these “firsts” with her. Getting married, having a child, etc…. Also just seeing pictures of them from the past when they looked so happy.
I can’t help but feel like an interloper in his life sometimes. He did ultimately, leave her for me after many years so I also feel like I am playing a role in what feels like a life I don’t belong in. Like I’m an outsider to his family and friends.
I also feel like I constantly need to differentiate myself from his ex-wife. Even though we are kind of similar. I just keep having this feeling of not wanting to be an imposter of her. Which I know is just silly.
I know I should focus on the positive aspects of our relationship and things are otherwise great! We talk all the time about how we never should have ended things when we did, but also that time has made us both wiser and better-suited for one another. I am truly and blissfully happy otherwise.
Has anyone gone through this before? How did you navigate these feelings? What would you name this feeling?
TLDR- uncertain feelings during reunion with old flame