I 33 F and my spouse, 35 M, have been married for less than three years. It feels very hard to stay together. I watch as many of my friends thrive in their relationships or marriages, while I struggle. I see them crushing over their spouses/partners online, getting pregnant a year into their marriages, and growing. Just over all they seem happy. These are all the things I yearn for…
My spouse and I quarrels usually involve the same thing. He feels that I am inconsiderate and inconsistent especially towards him. However, in the same breath he will say I am considerate about the small things or I am more considerate/consistent with my friends or family members.
An example of our fight was two days ago, my spouse asked me to assist them with a project at a certain time. I agreed. I got ready to leave my job and then I started to become fixated on getting a random food item for dinner. Which caused me to be late…well more so my ADHD and poor time management. Although, I apologize, it still turn into an argument that ended with my spouse saying that they are unhappy in the relationship, I make it hard for them to be with, and they don’t trust me enough to have a child with. I’m not going to lie that last one sucks because I really want to be a mom.
This isn’t the first time he has said he was unhappy or alluded/said that he wants to divorce. We have went to therapy. I spoke to my therapist on how I to be a better partner. I have prayed and sought out advice from friends or older couples. I use the information and apply it. I’ll do great for a few weeks or months. Then, something occurs and boom the cycle begins again.
Truthfully, I am so tired and numb that I started to disengage. There are other issues in the marriage too… but I don’t feel like discussing. I have given a lot of energy in other aspects of our relationship. I don’t want to give up, but if he has then what’s the point. One friend suggested that I move forward with the divorce. Just start over…
So… is marriage supposed to be this hard? Are we just going through hardship because we are at the beginning? Is this worth saving? I just want to vent and get advice from people that don’t know me. Thanks.