(Accidentally posted this on my real account not throw away so apologies if you’ve already seen- and for those who replied already thank you, I’ve screen shotted your replies to keep reading them)
Please no judgement or hate I just need to rant, I feel shaken.
So my (29F) fiancé (37M) took this new pain medication called tapentadol that ng he got off the internet (I know it's sketchy at but he had a really bad accident last year and the nhs stopped his pain meds because he was getting hooked so now he sources his own- I know it's bad but I've just had a baby and I don't have the brain capacity or energy to argue about it with him) and he was acting all drowsy and weird like he was contused and ! said to him you're creeping me out acting all confused and disoriented like I don't know what you might do and we've got the baby to think about.
So I said I'm gonna take the baby to bed because I'm tired and you're being weird like doing weird stuff like turning the shower on randomly and talking none sense
So I came upstairs with the baby and about 20minutes later he came up, turned the shower on and then went into the other bedroom. I piped my head out and asked why he had turned the shower on and he said 'because someone is in the house'
I went down stairs to prove to him no one was and then went back to bed. Then he came in all of a sudden was going off on one about how disrespectful I was saying he'd creeped me out and that he wouldn't be spoken to like that. Then he started saying he was going to his mums, claiming that he'd just rung her (he hadn't because he hadn't even left the room) and then said forget the wedding (weirdly he remembered the date of the wedding which we only agreed on provisionally yesterday so if he was confused surely he wouldn't remember the date?
It was so weird it was like he'd had a personality transplant. He also seemed to not recognise me at points like he had me confused for someone else?
So we got in a massive arguement and the whole way through we'd be shouting then he'd just make a random statement about some thing unrelated like about work that just didn't make any sense or have anything to do with the situation. I ended up slamming the bedroom door in his face which is so out of character for me i absolutely hate confrontation and was in an abusive relationship before I met my fiancé which has made me even more terrified of it. My fiancé is usually so laid back and gentle I can't believe it has come to this. We have been together for 4 years and have never argued about anything.
Then he tells me he took four of these new tablets when you're only meant to take 1 and he'd had his usual medication on top
So I'm like has the medication made him act aggressive ?
Like we have never argued in all the years about anything and then all of a sudden I say you're creeping me out by going all drowsy, acting confused and doing weird things and he goes mental?
Like I'm so freaked out it was like a completely different person
Then he just sort of went back to normal and said he was going to bed but he still seemed set on that i had started the fight by being nasty
Then he started saying 'you know how I feel about men who coercive control' which came from nowhere because I didn't mention anything like that it was almost like a paranoia set in or something.
He then carried on speaking normally and calmly about how I'd insulted his beliefs and pride.
Up until this point I was kind of hoping it was just the medication making him argue with me but now he seemed sober and still mad?
I'm so confused and I feel broken. I'm also terrified to go to sleep in case he wakes up and is still angry because if he is confused from the meds I need to make sure the baby is safe. I don't drive or have any family anywhere near me and my little boy has been poorly so I don't want to drag him out in the wet and cold anywhere so I feel like I can't leave and also part of me doesn't want to in case that made things worse.
TLDR- my fiancé suddenly went mental at me over something after taking new medication and we've had our first ever fight and I'm terrified.
32 comments
Your partner has a drug problem not a pain problem.
He’s an addict and needs to seek help
Call your parents and get them to pick you up asap.
When you’re a safe distance away, issue the ultimatum of rehab or break up.
Refuse to see him or allow him to see baby unless he is sober.
Real talk – he will likely die of an overdose in the next few years unless he stops. You do not need to expose yourself or the baby to that.
Your finance has a drug problem.
You have a newborn child in the home.
Both your and the infant’s safety and wellbeing takes priority over anything else.
If your fiancé isnt willing to get the help they need, you need to remove them from the home or you need to go stay with someone until they get of the drugs.
Please don’t let him keep getting drugs from questionable sources. You don’t know if the drug has been altered or if it was even what he paid for. He needs to see an actual licensed provider for his pain medication and possible addiction.
This is not safe for you or your baby. He may not have been physical today, but who’s to say this erratic behavior won’t turn physical the next time he decides to take black market meds. Please have a talk to him when he’s sober the next day and tell him how freaked out you were. If he won’t stop, I would stay somewhere else.
Call your family, let them know what’s going on.
If you have a good relationship with his mum, let her know that he’s taken medication and is behaving weird and paranoid and you’re worried about him and your baby’s safety.
Reach out to domestic violence services in your area. I know this might feel like overkill, but trust me, it’s better to act to protect yourself and bub than to wait and see.
You need to put yourself and your baby first right now.
He no longer needs pain medication because he’s recovered. He’s finding random drugs on the Internet and taking 4 x the recommended dose. Of course he’s acting weirdly. He’s an addict and you can’t have a productive relationship with an addict. Step away, for the sake of yourself and your baby, and see if he chooses addiction or recovery.
OP, you’re right to be scared. You need to call somebody if you can, pack a bag or two with basics for you and the baby, and get away from him. Like, yesterday
Yeah, my partner’s real bad slide into addiction started with him buying drugs online. God only knows what you actually get, too.
He is lying to you about why he needs these. He needs help. You have to let people that both you and he trust know about this. You can’t do this alone.
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Having witnessed first hand someone I love become addicted, I know how hard it is to see it for what it really is.
Is there a women’s shelter that you can call or a friend that is able to come get you? At this point, you and your child are the priority. Please contact someone you can trust and have them come get you. Hire a taxi to the nearest train station and get yourself away. Basically what would you do if there was a chemical spill in your area and you’ve been told you have to leave right away for the health and safety of your child.
I can’t imagine navigating this situation with a newborn, but you also do not want to imagine a future situation where you’re not putting space between you both and advising him that he needs professional help. Do not tell him to his face that he needs to seek help unless you have people with you.
You can do this. Motherhood requires strength and I believe you have that.
Your partner is addicted to pain killers and has resorted to getting god knows what off the internet. You cannot ignore this like it’s a minor inconvenience, he’s a danger to himself, you, and the baby.
Your partner is an addict and he is using dangerous medication to self medicate. You need to get yourself and your baby out of there before he takes something laced and kills you and your kid.
Don’t marry the guy who gets high as a kite on internet pills and starts fights with you.
Get yourself a dose of Narcan. Fentanyl is in everything nowadays, and if he’s getting drugs off the internet, sooner or later he’ll OD on it. He’s definitely got an addiction problem.
Get out n go somewhere safe.
OP, there are almost certainly local services that will assist the mother of an infant whose partner is in active addiction and is behaving erratically. In America, they say that being afraid for your life is grounds enough to kill someone. I don’t know if I believe that, but I do believe that it’s grounds to ask for help.
Please do not underestimate government services (local, regional, national), churches & charities. Helplines exist and can direct you to the appropriate organizations.
Again, you are mother to an infant and your partner, the infant’s father, is scaring you so much that you can’t go to sleep for your baby’s safety. There are services that exist solely to help people in situations like yours. If a friend told you this story, wouldn’t you invite her to stay with you until she could get things sorted out? Be that friend to yourself. It might take a while, but you can do it. Remember: you don’t have to live like this. There are people who will help you.
You should also be telling his family as well as yours.
Always. This seems to always happen right after having a baby or getting married or when you feel trapped in some way. And of course you have no family nearby and can’t drive. Jfc.
You are not safe with this man. You have a baby in the house. He is a drug addict, who is behaving unpredictabily and can’t be trusted or relied upon. Addicts can and will do terrible things while under the influence or when they are desperate for more drugs. He could hurt you and the baby.
You and your baby will be safer in a women’s shelter than staying in a house with an addict who is not sane.
Google “DV the hotline”. Talk to the professionals. Reach out to friends and family, even if they are far away. You have a duty as a mother to protect you baby. I’m sorry. It’s not going to be easy but you need to escape as soon as it is safe.
So tapentadol is a controlled substance, which means this drug is high use for abuse and dependency. I would reach out to his physician and see what the next steps are, especially if he is not getting it from his doctor.
You’re arguing with him and talking about this like he’s being a rational person. You can’t argue with someone who’s having a medical event due to drugs like they’re sober. Of course he’s not making sense.
Remembering some things and not others doesn’t mean he’s ok or lying or anything. It might mean something to his dr. But stop trying to understand why he remembers your wedding date but not something else. It’s not proof of anything, it won’t help you navigate this or win the argument or stay safe.
He needs medical intervention, and you need somewhere safe to go / someone safe to help you. Do you have any friends or family that can come help you? Do you have any friends or family that can come help your fiancé? What about his mum? Even if they’re far, in an emergency they might be able to come help. Otherwise reach out to some women’s safety charities, or mental health resources or something if family isn’t available.
You need to leave. Go literally anywhere. When drug use leads to erratic behavior, you are in danger. Especially with a defenseless child.
I’m not going to touch the bread crumbs of other drug use, or him potentially OD-ing, or keeping him from sketchy internet drugs. That’s not my concern. He is presumably an adult with agency. It shouldn’t be your concern right now either.
YOU are my concern. This isn’t a medication. This is substance abuse. He’s using and probably has been for a long time. You need to look out for yourself and your kiddo, because he’s not. Do this for your kid, if not for you.
You can’t save him and please don’t die trying to do so. Don’t be a statistic.
Well for one, please don’t marry this man. I’m a lawyer, not your lawyer, but if you marry him your life will be absolutely nothing but an absolute nightmare and you will be putting your child in extreme risk.
He needs help. But more importantly you need to protect yourself and your baby. You have to leave and go somewhere else if he won’t leave. Is there anyone else you can stay at all?
You need to get to safety. He’s an addict and you cannot have your baby around an addict.
It’s not a “medication” he’s doing drugs, and getting them from his own sources means that he really has no idea what’s in them.
You really need to get some distance and get you and your baby safe. He needs to get drug treatment. Please realize that he could easily take a pill one day and die of an overdose because it contained fentanyl. Happens all the time.
Sounds like he had some drug induced psychosis.
You really need to at the very least get your baby out of that situation even if you won’t leave the dude.
Seems dangerous as hell. He’s doing weird shit because “someone is in the house” but there’s no one else there? What happens if he hallucinates that your baby is a threat?
Your child is in danger in this house with a person with a drug problem. It is your responsibility as a mother to keep your baby safe. You need to leave.
i got sent home from the ER with a a box of tapendatol a month ago for a severe back strain, told to take 1 morning and night. he took 4 at once plus his regular medicine, thats not pain management but addiction. and who knows if what he got on line is what it claims.
he needs help but its hard to force on them if they dont see it for themselves.
You and your baby are not safe there.
You have someone much more important than your fiance who is relying on you, your child. They are the priority. At the very least your fiance needs help for his addiction. (I’ve been there, done that 30+ years ago. Kicked out a new husband when I had a newborn. He continued to use and overdosed years later.)
Anyone ordering pain drugs from some online source for “legitimate” reasons, are going to start slowly by taking one and seeing how it affects them, not immediately pop 4 of them. Thats addict behaviour. Especially if he’s also on other medication
He needs rehab immediately
OP, your fiance is a drug addict. I’m sorry, it’s actually that simple. Even if it was originally for pain management, that’s…how it starts a lot of the time.
It’s not some one-off reaction to a suspicious medication. He is abusing substances and honestly you’re lucky it wasn’t worse than this. You have no idea what he’s buying and really, he probably doesn’t either.
You are LUCKY this wasn’t worse and that your child wasn’t injured. You cannot live with your fiance right now, it is not safe. You do not have the luxury of intermediary steps.