Me (21f), husband (21m)
This is kind of a stamina/fantasies post so i just chose the stamina flair. I am EXTREMELY submissive. I can be dominate if my husband desires it but i don’t prefer it. I literally want to be used and absolutely pounded to nothing. Every time we have sex, I tell my husband he can do absolutely whatever he wants to be. He usually gets flustered and isn’t sure where to start but in my head I just want him to take me and just FUCKING GO FOR IT. don’t hold back, just fuck me fuck me fuck me. Maybe 1/10 times he’ll try that and then he ends up cumming in like, 30 seconds and then i’m just disappointed. He doesn’t know how to make himself last longer and idk how to help.
ETA: i have MANY times given him guidance on what he can do (tie me up, spank me, choke me, etc) and i understand what people mean about me telling him he can do whatever he wants, i realize for him that might not be pounding me. i’ll try to be more clear about that with him. it also probably doesn’t help the premature ejaculation that he never masturbates and we only have sex 1-2 times a week… my libido is much higher than his. in the time we’ve been together he has only ever made me orgasm once and that wad with a toy
39 comments
I want to do that with my wife, sadly she doesnt like that. So we do vanilla mostly. The rare times i could let go have been amazing.
Does anyone know how to ride a bike just by jumping on it one or two times?
Probably not.
It’s a process.
So instead of disappointment that something new isn’t instantly picked up at the expert level straight away, try engaging with it as a process: You’re both going to try this new thing, and commit to getting better at it. Each time he’ll get a little bit better, and you can meet that with encouragement instead of disappointment, which will increase his confidence.
Cumming quickly is a thing that will happen in the early stages. The less you’re bringing a bad vibe about it, the less pressure he will feel, and the length of time of that cumming will start to expand. Try it.
Have you tried easing him into the situation more? I can immagine that he might feel quite overwhelmed with what to do. I’d suggest sprinkling in things you like thrughout your other 9/10 times so he has inspiration or is it truly just about getting penetrated for you. If this is the main focus, you can try introducing toys into your bedroom. Either have him use it on you or these automatic machines are also not that expensive and when he is lacking stamina, getting you “exhausted” beforehand might be a good idea.
husband. 21. ayyy. good luck.
I am sorry i ask out of the topic .. but where in the earth people get married when they are 21??
The problem is, you tell him to do absolutely whatever he wants.
What he wants isn’t to take advantage of you and treat you that way
So instead you have to give him instruction and let him know what it is that you want.
Pounding like that is usually what happens at the end so is designed to make him finish fast faster.
Maybe incorporate toys, and work on him using his voice to dominate you
I clearly remember a girl saying “you can do anything you want “ when I was that age and my mind went completely blank. I regret it to this day. At that age your dick makes you too stupid. Give the boy some very general guidlines – “You can do anything you want: tie me up, spank me, fuck my ass, fuck my mouth, treat me like a flesh light…” he’ll get the idea. You just need to give him a direction. He’s likely afraid that his “anything” and your “anything” are different and he doesn’t want to overstep.
Have you told him directly you want to be pounded into nothing?
And have you asked him why he gets flustered?
Is he submissive too?
does he always cum fast or just when he attempts to dominate you?
OP: “I want him to just do whatever he wants!”
Also OP: “Not like that tho”
If you’re talking about hard and fast, for many men that is very stimulating, and they’ll try to vary the rhythm or do other things to “slow down” such as switch positions. If that’s what you’re looking for, would you both be ok with getting him off a once or twice earlier in the day so he’s less sensitive? As others have said, you may have to give him some guidance to start off as well rather than just “do whatever you want”. Is there anything he’s super into that still makes you feel used? I would try starting with that and then broadening to other/less planned things once you both have some practice.
You’re so vague though, it’s not surprising he’s confused. Communicate, explore together not against each other. Use toys, hand him a cock ring. Use a numbing cream. More importantly use your words.
You’re telling him to do what he wants and expecting him to instead do what you want
Sorry to say, but dolls dont have feelings and therefore shouldnt be disappointed.
What does “anything you want” look like to you?
When someone says “tell me a joke!!”, most people freeze. It’s too broad a request.
Start with one specific thing you *would like him to do* and make it clear that it’s something you find hot and that you want to respect his preferences. Talk to him outside the bedroom and the pressure of “performing” about it, brainstorm ideas for how to incorporate it into your sex life.
Focus on specifics, rather than broad statements like “wanting to be used”. A DM friend of mine once told me of how he handles subs who say things like “you can do whatever you want”. “Okay, I’m gonna shave your eyebrows off”.
Submissive doesn’t mean putting the onus on the dominant partner to work it all out. It means knowing what you want, very specifically, communicating that, and working out how to implement it.
If he finishes fast, then he’s likely already feeling a lot of shame and guilt about not being able to give you what you want. He needs your support and patience.
If you want to feel dominated and used, buy a dildo and ask him to fuck you senseless with that. It might feed into your desire to be used even more, as he’s not even fucking you himself – he’s using your body.
Just a thought
So you tell him to do what he wants, and then get annoyed that he’s not doing the specific thing you want him to do? What? How about you communicate with him instead of complaining.
Couple of things:
1. You tell your husband he can do “whatever he wants” but what you ACTUALLY mean is “do what I want”, because this is what YOU want. This is problematic because you are assuming that, just because he is a man, that he has a secret dominant side to him and many men…don’t have that side. That is probably part of why he gets flustered when you tell him that – he’s picking up on the fact that you expect something in him that he does not have. Start reframing it as “I want this. ME. Not him. I want him to “just go for it and don’t hold back”. NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU WANTING THAT.
2. You say that when he DOES go for it he suffers premature ejaculation which leaves you disappointed. Gee, I wonder why he doesn’t go for it more often then…(sarcasm btw). When he does what you say you want, he finishes too early and leaves you disappointed. He doesn’t want to disappoint you. It’s not rocket science.
Now regarding how to get him to last longer, there are a couple of things to perhaps try –
1. Get him off first and then have him go for round 2 – he’ll last longer if it’s not his FIRST ejaculation.
2. Have him consult his doctor about this one VERY carefully, but if all else fails, it IS documented that ant-depressants slow arousal and ejaculation, and sometimes in SEVERE cases of premature ejaculation a very low-level anti-depressant can be prescribed.
Why are you disappointed because he cums fast? That’s a compliment?
Why not just… go again, and again?
Sex is sport. Good for a lot of things. Why stop after an orgasm?
Share a bottle of wine before as alcohol generally makes it a bit harder to finish for men. If may also make him a bit more loose and not in his head. Then tell him you want to be pounded to oblivion, maybe mention some other specific stuff youd like and makes you feel dominated. None of this whatever he want stuff cause what your looking for is something specific, not whatever he wants. And yes, i know, having to use alcohol or drugs for sex may not be the best long term solution but then again neither is you going unsatisfied.
For me whenever im standing up while thrusting it seems like i last longer but i guess that can be individual.
there are recording cuts in porn for a reason. No one without drugs can just pound away like that for long. Tried toys or oral yet?
> Maybe 1/10 times he’ll try that and then he ends up cumming in like, 30 seconds
Yes, that’s why some people don’t really like to do that or seem flustered by it.
Can’t speak for the dominant part. I feel we all have our tendencies and leanings so that may be something he either gains confidence in but may not be his default. So it may never be truly natural for him. Like I said, I’m not sure so can’t speak with any certainty.
Regarding stamina, I’d recommend he practice edging. Hopefully he can at least go multiple rounds in the meantime.
“Do anything”
*does something*
“No not that”
Yeah what you’re telling him isn’t what *you* want. Stop speaking in code and ask for what you *want*.
He’s 21 he can cum, and keep going btw. Try getting him off with oral or hands and then tease him back to hard. Then when he’s ready again beg for your pounding. You’ll get it, cause he’ll have to to cum again that soon.
You tell him to do whatever he wants, then you are disappointed when he does what he wants. We don’t all “want” the same thing.
Sex is a team sport, you gotta grow together on this. He might also be disappointed in himself, sounds like you haven’t even talked about it asside from vague expectations and disappointment. Sex is part sport, part dance. We can’t do the waltz or a marathon on the first try, and we can’t learn if we aren’t motivated by encouragement. Baby steps. Most guys cum fast when fucking fast, it’s how we evolved. Even with practice, not all guys can achieve what you want. You need to drop your expectations and fantasies. I think he can definitely improve, but he might never reach the stamina you want.
Did you get married thinking all guys are the same? I grew up in purity culture and got married at 21, so I get it, but you want him to be a completely different guy, as if saying “do whatever you want” is supposed to align what what *you* want. Learn to utilize each other’s skill set, rather than creating expectations. Sex should be fun even on the bad days, not a disappointment, but of course there needs to be great days too. Are you dissatisfied with sex every time? Are toys an option? It sounds like you want a certain type of man and expect us all to be the same.
Sounds like you’re putting a lot of pressure on him to be performing like a sextoymonkey. Doesn’t sound like much fun for him.
Maybe learn your own body first so you don’t need hard pounding to feel something
Have a sit down with him, not during sex, and talk to him about this. Explain what you like and inform that its “just for sex.” Something like, “I know that you love me and care for me and I love that but during sex I want to be used and manhandled. Its not personal. Its a kink thing and its how I get off.”. Lady in streets, freak in the sheets etc. etc..
Try toys or rope. Maybe that could be a way of separating it for him if he is uncomfortable “putting his hands on you.”
Hope this helps.
So. One thing is is you gotta communicate what you actually want.
You can use some code words if you dont wanna spell it out, but you still gotta spell it out the first time to get the code.
So. When I wanted an attitude adjustment, I would throw a few “fuck yous” and “you hit like a girl” and he would know where to take it from there.
But if he doesnt know what you’re in the mood for he is not going to be able to provide that for you.
Plus as a sub, you definitely need to be having wants, needs, and expectations talks with anyone that you’re going to put your mind in that position for, let alone your actual significant other.
He is young and needs to focus more on that level of control – help him bully communicating
First, and this is really important. You should tell him before you are having sex.
Second, if this is what you want, you and he need to discuss safety and safe words.
Third, there are many ways that he could take what he wants and use you without his penis being inside you at all.
As an example, if he knew in advance, he could take you to bed, cuff your hands, and put a rope through the cuffs and tie them to the other side of the bed.
Now you are helpless to resist, and he could lay down next to you and put your mouth on his penis while holding your head. Slowly move your head until he decides to change and do something else.
You need to give the guy some ideas of what you want. If all you want is for him to put you on the bed and fuck your pussy long and hard and make you come, that is where a handheld toy might be just what is needed. A fucking machine could be just the thing too. He could combine the scene above with a machine and slowly jerk himself off with your mouth.
The penis is often the least useful tool for domination.
You want this, but does he want this?
There’s nothing more embarrassing for a man than cumming quick. I promise you he doesn’t want it to happen either. Your support there could really help. I’m sure it makes him extremely self conscious and he can more than likely tell your disappointment in the moment. Have him start slower and get him somewhat into the act so it’s just not bang bang and done. For me, starting slow is vital to lasting longer. You could also help with only having sex 1-2 a week by maybe just dropping his pants and giving him a blow job or something to potentially start helping him get better stamina. It shouldn’t all be on him. You 2 are a team and should really be working together at this all. Talk to him about it if you haven’t yet and let him know it’s ok but you want to help and get him to the point that he can blast you to oblivion 😊
My wife gave me “Free Use” along with CnC, it took me over half a year to ‘learn’ what she wanted & how she liked & wanted me to “use” her.
Honestly I’d say start with working on *your* immature attitude towards the situation. This is mostly a you problem. Reading your replies, your communication absolutely sucks.
There’s a lot of good advice in this replies though. You’re looking at this from a VERY self-centered perspective.
You’ve gotta get to round 2….. maybe swallow the first one…. then ride him through the refractory … it’s something my wife does it’s a sensory explosion at first but once it’s passed I’m an absolute unit.
When a submissive says ,
“Do whatever you want.”
It shows clear inexperience, because someone experienced would know their limits and be able to communicate those.
Have you ever asked what he needs? How do you make him feel desired and wanted? By laying there and doing nothing? Men aren’t robots. We need to feel like we’re wanted in so capacity
Make him finish fast then do more foreplay so he is ready again and he won’t finish as fast. Also communicate better.
Maybe he doesn’t like doing such things and you keep pushing him?
Ugh why is everyone on this comment thread so mean:( but OP, I get you, look into delay ejaculation cream