I come from a very low-income background. I was raised by a single mom who earns less than minimum wage, so money was always tight. As soon as I legally could, I started working summer jobs while studying. I didn’t enjoy it, but it made me independent and proactive, and I managed to save a decent amount for my future.
My boyfriend, on the other hand, comes from a much wealthier family with generational wealth. He’s never had to work – and never really wanted to. That used to be fine, but things have changed recently.
He finished his degree in February and hasn’t made any effort to find a job. On top of that, his main source of income has stopped for the foreseeable future. So now, not only is he not working, but he also can’t contribute much financially.
The issue isn’t even the money itself – it’s the complete lack of ambition or initiative. For example, on my birthday, we ended up going to the mall for one of those fixed movie + dinner deals. The food options were limited, I didn’t even enjoy what I ate, and I ended up paying for everything anyway. To make it worse, he barely spoke during dinner because he was “tired,” so I just sat there eating in silence on my birthday.
He constantly says he’s stressed about money, but whenever I suggest he look for a job, he rolls his eyes and says I’m nagging. I’ve even found platforms and opportunities for him to apply to, but he just doesn’t follow through. Instead, he spends his days gaming, exactly like he has for the past 10 years, leaving everything until the last possible moment.
The difference now is that we’re not in school anymore. There are no deadlines forcing him to act. And honestly, if having no money isn’t enough to motivate him, I don’t know what will be.
He says he feels judged when I bring up how much he plays, but I can’t help it when that’s literally all he does all day.
I’m starting to feel really frustrated and unsure about the future. Has anyone dealt with something similar? Any advice…?
TL;DR: I grew up poor and became independent early, while my boyfriend comes from wealth and has never worked. Now that he’s finished his degree and lost his income, he still refuses to look for a job or take initiative. He spends all his time gaming, dismisses my concerns as nagging, and even put zero effort into my birthday. I’m frustrated by his lack of ambition and worried about our future.