Throwaway account.
Before I begin, please don’t comment the “age gap bad” stuff. We are both adults, met as adults, I like older guys, and it’s completely consensual. Tiktok and Reddit are poisoning y'all's brains.
So here’s the situation:
I recently started dating a new man. I genuinely like everything about him: his personality, how he treats me, his values, what he brings to the table. We are on the same page in terms of raising kids, politics, and marriage. The only issue is his physical appearance.
It’s not that I’m completely turned off, but he’s not my usual type. He has started going to the gym and cooking at home, so his appearance may change over time, but obviously, I don’t want to base my feelings on that alone.
For context, I’m demisexual, so physical attraction isn’t the most important factor for me. In the past, I dated someone who wasn’t my type at first, but after I developed feelings for him, I became very attracted to him. So I know that attraction can grow for me. I also dated a pretty boy, but he played me for an entire year. I would rather date a conventionally mid guy who treats me like a queen than a pretty boy who treats me like an option. At the end of the day, we're all gonna be old and crusty someday.
Recently, we were intimate for the first time, and to my surprise, he was actually able to turn me on, which is not easy for me due to some personal issues I have with intimacy. So there is definitely something there.
The problem is that he told me he can tell I’m not physically attracted to him. I’ve never said anything negative about his appearance, but I guess he’s picking up on something.
I don’t want to end things just because of this: I feel like that would be shallow, especially since everything else is so good. But at the same time, I don’t want to hurt him or lead him on if this becomes a bigger issue long-term.
Has anyone been in a similar situation where attraction grew over time? Or where it didn’t? How do I handle this without hurting him?
Any advice would be appreciated.