So I reconnected with a guy I met a couple years ago and I’m kind of trying to figure out what the natural “next step” is here instead of just letting it stay in the casual catching-up phase forever.
We’re gonna call him David, and the friend involved Emily.
Basically, we met the summer before my senior year of high school when I was out with Emily and we ended up meeting David and his friend while we were all in the same place. It was super casual in the moment. Emily ended up talking to David a bit after that, but nothing serious ever came from it. She was kind of all over the place, so David eventually stopped talking to her. Me and Emily also stopped talking not too long after that, and she’s been out of the picture for a long time on both sides.
Me and David never really had like a “real” connection back then, but we stayed loosely in contact. Just occasional snaps here and there, nothing deep, but I always kind of thought there was at least some mutual attraction that just never got acted on.
Fast forward to now, we’re both in college but in completely different states. Out of nowhere he followed me on Instagram last week (we barely even have mutuals anymore), so I DM’d him yesterday. We’ve been talking a little since then. It’s nothing intense right now, mostly just light conversation about college, what we’re doing, life updates, that kind of thing. But the conversation hasn’t died and it feels pretty natural so far.
I’m interested in him, but I also don’t really want this to just stay in the “we catch up every now and then” lane if there’s actually something there. I just don’t really know what the normal progression looks like when you’re basically restarting something with someone you already had a lowkey history with.
Like how do you actually build attraction in a situation like this without forcing it or making it weird? How do you tell if a guy is actually interested in more versus just being polite and keeping the conversation going? And if it does feel mutual, how do people even realistically transition something like this into a long distance thing when you’re in different states and not seeing each other in person?
I’m not trying to rush anything at all, I just also don’t want to accidentally keep it surface level if it could actually turn into something more.
TL;DR: Reconnected with a guy I knew a couple years ago, we’ve been talking again after he followed me on Instagram. It’s casual right now but I’m interested, and I’m trying to figure out how you naturally build attraction from here and whether long distance is even realistic if it progresses.
EDIT: I know people have said, and are probably thinking the same thing about not wasting your time on a long-distance relationship, but I’m actually at a stage in my life where I would prefer being in a long-distance relationship over an in-person one. Which I know is an unpopular opinion.
2 comments
We can’t read their mind either. This question gets asked a lot here. There are only 4 sure-fire ways to “tell” if someone “likes” you or not. FOUR.
1 they tell you so
2 you ask and they say yes
3 they ask you on a date.
4 you ask them on a date and they accept.
So take a chance and ask. Never waste time on flirting or “giving out signals” because those are too easy to misread or miss altogether. Flirting can mean someone is interested in you, or just trying to be cute. Standing near you could mean they are interested – or are just standing near you. Looking at you could mean they like you, or that they are just looking at you.
Trying to “build attraction” is basically games in the hope thst he will notice how awesome you are, and make a move. You should be telling him how you feel instead.
Don’t play dumb games. Take a chance and ask for that date. Tell him you are interested in pursuing a relationship, and ask if he is.
Good luck!
Keep the conversation going but slowly add a bit of flirting and see how he responds. If he starts putting in effort like texting more, asking questions, or suggesting calls, he’s interested. If it feels mutual, suggest a call or future meetup and let things grow naturally from there.