Isn’t it always about sex? But it’s more than that. I think sex is the symptom
Been married to my wife for a year and a half. Together for four. We both had “practice” marriages that were disasters before we met. I fell the first night I met her. Seriously. I never believed love at first sight existed but I fucking fell. I think it took her longer. I don’t really know. We don’t talk about serious things.
Our sex life has taken a pretty drastic turn for the worse over the last couple of months. Went from two or three times a week to…well, it’s been a month now. I’m hurt. She says her drive just vanished. And maybe I get that. But I’m hurt.
I spend my time at home trying to earn her. I’ve always done all the laundry (the thing she hates most) but now I fear it’s gotten unhealthy on my part. I clean everything constantly. I cook then clean the kitchen. If she needs an ibuprofen and a glass of water I jump. It seems I can’t help it! I over analyze (I’m an overthinker by nature). She’s in bed right now read the book I went to the library today and got her because a couple of days ago she mentioned she wanted to read it. So I saw an opportunity to earn my place in her life. And it’s not working.
We’re great friends. We rarely fight (I’m beginning to realize that’s probably because she won’t be honest about her feelings and I cave every time there’s a conflict because I’m trying to fucking EARN my place in her life).
She swears she loves me and I believe her. But there’s no affection anymore. We’re great friends who live together and watch March Madness and converse beautifully about all the shit that doesn’t matter. But I’m on eggshells and, frankly, I’ve decided not to even bring up sex anymore. I think part of me is afraid she’ll do it when she doesn’t want to and there’s nothing more pathetic than a guy using his wife to masturbate.
I’m rambling. Not even sure where this is going. A wedge has developed in my marriage. It came fast! And I don’t know what it is or why it’s there.
Edited to add that right now I’ll say id stay if she said we were never having sex again. I love this woman, y’all! Our life is good together. I enjoy her company. She enjoys mine. But there’s intimacy—all of it—just went away. But I don’t want to resent her. If I start that, or if she starts resenting me that shit grows and grows. It’s why I don’t try to initiate right now. Because I think she will resent it.