38F and 40M. I’m tired of the constant groping, touching, feeling up. The constant whines for sex if we go even two days without. When I’m on my period he will ask each and every day “how it’s going”, if I’m “back”, how my “lady bits are doing”. He will constantly check in every single day of my period and as soon as I’m done will immediately want sex. The most he can go without alluding to it or outright asking is one day. If we have sex on Monday I can at least rest for one day but by Wednesday the groping starts, the comments, the touching, and if I somehow manage to skip day two by Thursday morning he’ll outright ask for/demand it. Let 3 or four days go by and oh my god he’ll be a raging bull, everything makes him angry, he gets snarky and mean and he even starts ignoring the children (I realise he does this to hurt me because he knows my heart breaks when the kids are trying to engage with him and he ignores them).
It’s not even a love or even a desire thing for him. I’ve gained weight and I honestly don’t doll up the way I used to. It’s an ownership thing. He feels it’s his right, it’s my duty. What’s worse is he wants me to participate. I think I could tolerate it if he just got on with it and got off. But no, it must be a whole production. I must moan , I must be into it. And he makes a whole show of trying to make me orgasm. I don’t even feel loved, it’s just performative for his own ego. But I’ve learnt, if I “orgasm”, the next 2 or 3 times i can “let him have this one” and it goes by quickly. But that doesn’t last long because his ego needs that boost that I’m definitely into it because he’s just the best sex God ever.
I’m so tired. Our marriage sucks, there are many other problems besides this. We have nothing in common. I’m just the wife appliance who must produce sex. I’m. So. Tired.
36 comments
damn 💀😬
You could try reading some posts over in deadbedrooms for tips on gradually freezing him out. You don’t owe him sex.
This sounds awful and I’m so sorry. While I do believe sex is INCREDIBLY important in a marriage, you should never be coerced, made to feel guilty, or be shunned for not wanting to. No means no, even in a marriage.
I don’t have advice, other than I think you know this isn’t healthy. But this is the right place for solidarity and if you need a listening ear.
This sounds abusive and I’m sorry op
This is horrible. As the partner with the higher libido in my marriage, he should never make you feel like you owe him shit. And the fact that he uses the kids to make you have sex with him is disgusting. None of you deserve that. I’m so sorry.
Get your finances in order and leave his ass. I hope you can find somebody that loves you the way you deserve.
I’m not an expert. Is this coercive marital rape?
That sounds so tiring. I’m sorry.
My ex-husband was just like that. I finally left with my sons. With nothing but some clothes and $150.00. I couldn’t stand the constant sexual coercion and abuse anymore. The groping. The comments. It’s about power and control, not love.
That was 16 years ago. It wasn’t easy, but life’s never been better. You ARE being abused. If you decide you’ve had enough, there is help available. I know because I now work in a shelter. And I’m now married to a man who NEVER would act that way with me.
I am so very sorry that this is happening to you. It’s a horrible way to live. It takes over your whole life.
God this sounds awful, and it is abuse straight through. Demanding sex, being narcissistic and mean to his own children because he can’t use his wife as a living fleshlight, why are you still with this disgusting thing?
ahh this sounds so dreadful… im sorry to hear this.
You do not owe him DUTY SEX whatsoever. That’s beyond traumatizing and you do not deserve this. It makes it seem like you can’t even have a conversation about how you’re feeing because it will be pointless and he won’t listen. It’s YOUR body and you CAN say NO. If you’re in a position to divorce, definitely make that move. What he’s doing is not okay.
I agree with the other comment, checkout [DeadBedrooms](https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/s/c4L6naFsdW) and see if anyone else has been in this situation and how they handled it.
This is awful and sounds abusive.
It sounds like your body has been turned into his personal emotional management tool.
The more pressure there is for you to respond a certain way… to want it/perform it, reassurimgly…
the less space there is for actual desire to exist.
That’s a dynamic problem, not a libido issue.
You could just divorce him and live your best life. Your kids will get happy peaceful Mum. All that energy you have to give him, you can give them. Imagine how amazing your life could be without this ego drain weight on your shoulders. He is literally killing your peace of mind daily
Time to be honest with him tell him how you feel maybe come up with a compromise, or be harsh and say no enough is enough. Bedroom is closed until we fix this relationship.
eww such a weird man
This sounds like marital rape. I hope you get out of this amiga. You’re in trouble
Bloody hell this made me cringe hard, as a married man with a high libido I can assure you his behaviour is not normal, like at all, like that’s abuse,
I am so sorry you have to deal with that shit,
I don’t know what to say except for that fact that you need to tell him it’s coercive and abusive behaviour and that he needs to fix his behaviour
You are describing a sex offender
Been married 8 years and we have sex everyday except 1. On my period 2. I had three high risk pregnancies that we could not have sex. And then postpartum of course. But it’s always me… not him. This sounds awful and I would tell him to grow up or get out.
This is why I firmly believe that marriage isn’t for everyone. It’s very archaic and the vows are not equal at all. The wife is the husband’s property and sex is a non-negotiable duty for the wife. And likewise, a lot of men aren’t sexually satisfied in their marriages, either because they’re not getting enough or they know the sex they’re getting is “duty” sex.
I don’t know why people still want to get married when it creates so many problems just from the religious aspect of it, especially for women.
I think the lack of desire is because of other issues. My husband think make up sex makes everything better. When I’m hurt sex is the last thing on my mind. Marital issues can impact intimacy. Hmm, do you want to stay in the marriage. If yes, try working on your marriage but prepare an exit plan too. You can work on the marriage through self care, counseling for yourself, couple therapy, date nights, etc. It will not be easy. You shouldn’t do anything you do t want to do. What do you think will happen if you tell him no for more than a few days?
better to end it than live that way isnt it?
This sounds awful OP. There are a lot of stories like this on TikTok and women leave and they are so happy. Usually those stories list all the reasons why women love being single after divorce.
This isn’t a libido problem—it’s a respect problem. You’re being treated like an obligation, not a partner.
But here’s the reality: a sexless marriage without mutual agreement doesn’t just “work itself out.” It turns into resentment, cheating, or divorce… possibly all three and in that order.
The bigger issue is his behavior—constant pressure, entitlement, and using the kids to get at you is way past normal. That’s not desire, that’s control.
You can’t fix this by faking it or shutting it down. Either you both deal with it head-on (and he changes), or you admit this marriage is already circling the drain.
This is abuse. I would try to leave. If not for you, atleast for the kids. If your daughter came to you with this, what would you say?
I’m so happy being single living only with my child. It’s so relaxing not having to deal with a man since that’s exactly my experience too. It’s stressful and make me lose respect for men.
Please do yourself and your kids a favor: divorce that disgusting sex pest. I lived with a similar one and it’s soul killing. Every hug is likely to have a boob grab or a crotch grab when they’re in that mode—it’s like living with a dreadful, horny toddler.
If my husband purposely ignored our kid because I happened to not put out for a few days, he wouldn’t touch me sexually ever again until he decided to grow the fuck up. That’s unacceptable and so manipulative. I’m sorry that is who you’re married to.
Girl! You know it but you wanna hear from us. Its not his rights and it’s not your “duty”. Ask him what is the difference between you his wife and a prostitute. If he wants you to participate then he has to make efforts to seduce, flirt and foreplay. I am pretty sure he is not interested in doing that every time before sex. Clearly he is using children as a means to control you. If you don’t have sex with me the way I want, then the children will suffer. I think this is manipulation. Do you really want your children to be raised around a man who uses them for control? Think about it since you are asking advice from strangers. I am telling you this because I have been there seen all that and got out of it.
Me? I couldn’t stay with a man like that. Not a chance.
I have a guy like that as well. Be bought him a full range oft toys though
It sounds like you don’t love him anymore. Have you told him that?
You shouldn’t have sex with him if that’s the way you feel, but you shouldn’t be married to him either. You need to have a serious conversation about that.
Ugh that’s awful. Are you considering leaving? Or do you want to try counseling? Either way, this can’t keep going the way it’s going.
Leave
SIS!! Leave this dump truck of a man. God my heart hurts for you. I’m here to remind you that THERE ARE SO MANY FISH IN THE SEA!!! This baby man is not the end all be all. Get rid of him. There’s so much life in front of you.