This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Why do I even bother lol?
Sent a like to, and matched with, an attractive women about the same age as I (early 30’s). Hit it off pretty quickly, conversation flowed easily, had quite a bit in common which helped. Get her number, we go out on a date. It goes well, spent 3+ hours out talking over drinks.
Next day she agrees to a second date the upcoming weekend. Cool… I definitely noticed signs of tepid interest here and there and tried not to get my hopes up at all. Texting did get dryer towards the end.
Day of the second date arrives and I get an early morning text from her explaining that she’s going to be in my area (she lives 30 mins away) to meet with a coworker and wanted to know if I’d be interested in coming along. An hour later she apologizes and retracts the invite because it’s a new job and thought the better of having a guy tag along to meet a new coworker. I didn’t even see these messages until I woke up an hour after the last one. Weird…
And on cue, she cancels on me a few hours before the date for a lame reason, and haven’t heard a peep in 5 days.
Self confidence definitely took a hit.
**Scenario:** My partner offered for me to stay with him as I’m not doing great financially (I’m still looking for a job + disabled). In lieu of rent, I could do housechores and he could buy the groceries and I could cook for the both of us. I am a big homebody and generally speaking I love doing housechores, so this arrangement sounds like a win to me.
But, because this isn’t an arrangement that is made out of a strong mutual desire to cohabitate since we’ve only been dating for some months (it’s more so to keep me off the streets), I will always be painfully aware that “this isn’t my home/house” and that I’m just a guest. I think I need a fun name for the ‘role’ I am undertaking so that it doesn’t feel too depressing being constantly reminded that I am without a home.
*Stay-at-home-mom* doesn’t work because I’m nonbinary, and our goal is to get me a job outside. Being a homemaker is not the primary career plan for me.
*Tenant, couchsurfer, guest* don’t work too because I don’t pay rent, and I have a personal romantic relationship with the owner of the place.
*Common Facilities/Kitchen Manager* sounds aptly appreciative of the amount of work I will be doing, but lacks warmth.
**Question:** What would be a term that is whimsical, fun, empowering, nongendered, acknowledges work-love life boundaries but not super transactional and still keeps a sense of genuine warmth and appreciation that describes this role?
Edit: Typo, clarity
I was texting with her daily, we share all these niche interests and we’ve been going on dates for the last month. Only for her to react with a look of genuine horror when I tried to kiss her on date 5 and tell me she feels no connection. I’m too old for this shit…
I’m highly debating on getting professional photos for dating apps.
I’m held back by my “downsides”, I’m currently going through a divorce (I have absolutely no desire to change this, I would consider myself healed from the past relationship) and have two children (7 and 3).
I’ve been on a few niche apps for a little over a month (stir and WooPlus) but have not had much success. I’m not currently active on the more standard apps like Hinge as I’m unsure if my current lackluster profile would do long term damage with how I’m assuming algorithms work.
I do consider myself decently attractive, and can be a pretty social person. I feel like I get some female attention at my work and socialize with them well, but I am in a manager role, and want nothing to do with jeopardizing my career.
I just worry I’d be putting in this effort and money for no results. My current pictures are not good, but it was all I had that didn’t include my ex wife lmao.
Anybody else had success with pro photos, or using apps as a single dad? I’m 32M, looking for women 27-35
Vent: I don’t like being sick, well for many obvious reasons, but now that I’ve tasted what it’s like being hugged and kissed by someone you’re dating… and being sick means the frequency of those sweet sweet touches decrease exponentially… diabolical.
I’ve had such a bad run of dating the past two years. I only meet one woman per year who I’m really interested in. The pattern with these women is they go on multiple dates with me, they seem enthusiastic, we have good conversational chemistry, we have overlapping values and interests, and everything from my perspective seems to be going well. And yet inevitably I get rejected before we even get to exclusivity or sex, let alone a relationship.
1. Summer 2024 – We had an almost shockingly high degree of overlap in niche interests and experiences. Amazing chemistry on the dates that led to heavy making out at the end of date #2. Then she sent me a rejection text saying she was recently out of a toxic relationship, felt like things had moved fast, and that she didn’t feel like she was ready for a serious relationship.
2. Spring 2025 – She was cute, and we had lots of overlapping interests and great conversation. She seemed very enthusiastic before and during the first few dates, and the second date went longer than planned and ended with a brief kiss. But then she went silent after the second date and sent me a “not feeling the spark” text a few days later.
3. Spring 2026 – Very attractive, great conversation, lots of overlap in values and interests. We went on 6 dates, but it was a very slow burn physically (no sex, only kissing on date 5). She decided she wasn’t feeling romantic chemistry but liked me on a platonic level and offered to be friends.
What makes this so hard to deal with is that I’m only meeting women like this once a year. Each rejection feels like such a setback. Sure, I get dates with other women, but in those cases I usually know by the end of the first date that I’m not interested.
I’m wracking my mind to figure out what I can do differently. I feel like I’ve tried everything.
Had the long conversation the other day that I’ll have to stop dating my friend turned almost-girlfriend. We had been dating for about a month.
I feel really terrible about it, honestly. I could tell she was pretty upset by me essentially friend-zoning her. It was for the best to do it now rather than later. I just wish I’d been more honest with myself from the beginning that I can only see her platonically. I wasn’t sure what I really felt, probably due to my lack of experience.
She says we can still be friends, which is a relief. I just hope that lasts. Considering how intimate we were, I could see the friendship fizzling out when she finds her next partner.
As the disabled partner/the partner to someone with disability—are there personal stories that make you feel truly loved, accepted, and supported for your differences?
I am disabled and sometimes I do feel that my support needs are ‘too much’. My partner said, “anything worth having, is worth fighting for”, that even though being with me means there are additional things to accommodate for, there are additional benefits too. (It is still hard to believe, I hope I truly am worth fighting for 🥺)
3 official dates now with the guy I’m seeing, with numbers 4 and 5 planned for this weekend! We met through a social club and last night was the first time we both went since we started seeing each other. I was a little nervous about the “public reveal” and I did notice a few surprised looks from people when he arrived and gave me a quick hello kiss. But it went fine! He told me later that one of the girls pulled him aside and asked “Did I see you guys kiss?” He told her we’d started going out and apparently she said “That’s hot.” 🤣 Cracks me up
Update to a situation from a few days ago.
I called the guy to ask. Actually he called back because he didn’t pick up when I used my work phone to call or when I called using my own phone. But he did call back – it turns out he did see the message requesting for a ride and he says it’s fine for me to get a ride with him, but he’ll let me know the time later on. So we will see if he remembers…. because I do not want to need to call him again!
What is an appropriate thank you gift? I doubt he would accept gas money, so would a chocolate be fine?
Edit: It was stressful to call, and it is still stressful – because…. what if he bails on me? Then I’ll need a ride. And apparently a stranger at church commented to my friend that it is very obvious I have a huge crush on this guy – why is he being so oblivious? Like dude, say something if there’s no hope for me!
So I met a cute guy on Hinge.
We met already twice, kissed on our second date, had a lot of smalltalk. I feel its only superficial. I want to get to know him better, learn about him and his views. That’s my agenda for the next few dates.
It’s my first online date ever so I don’t know if I am expecting toooo much. He talks about himself but doesn’t ask me so many question.
I dont know if its a common thing for men. He doesn’t talk so much about his feelings, maybe it’s too early. I am shy, too so I need time.
I am kinda afraid he isn’t interested in me😪
I went to my first speed dating event yesterday and it was actually pretty enjoyable. The organizers use a webapp to match people up during each round. At the end of each round, you select Like or Not on the other person’s profile and the app directs you to the next table. There were slightly more men so I had two “break rounds”. I had plenty of good conversations with the women I was matched with. There was only one we used the icebreakers written on the table placards to get things rolling again.
Mutual matches were emailed out overnight but unfortunately nothing in my inbox. I was hoping for at least one so it’s a little disheartening. That being said, I’m considering going to another event sometime in the future. It was nice talking to people.
Any advice on how to hold or start conversations?
I feel that if I could get over this hurdle that I could finally get into a relationship. I am losing hope right now at 34. I really want to be with this woman, but I cannot think of anything. Hell, I can’t even talk to other men just to hang out with them or be friends.
What a weird law of attraction physics, that when you’re lonely and in desperate need of a friend, it’s damn near impossible to connect with a single soul. When you’re your own best friend and feeling abundant, people start emerging from the ether to offer you love and attraction. The even weirder thing is, I got so used to the loneliness that it’s a little overwhelming. It feels like my capacity for connection and extending my energy to other people atrophied, and I have to consciously work on growing it, in so many different directions. Wonder how to do that in manageable steps?
The girl I was speaking with that I met through hinge just ghosted me all of a sudden without any word. I was really looking forward to finally meeting her in person. It was going to be my first date, and she seemed like an incredible match. Has anyone ever had someone ghost them, but than they reach back out some time later? And it works out?
I (35M) was in a relationship with a 33(F) for two months, starting right after Christmas and ending at the end of February. I’m currently going through a divorce (no kids) and living at home temporarily while that gets sorted out.
I had a bad week the last week we were dating (off my meds, fight with mom, best friend broke it off with me, and I sideswiped her neighbor’s car). I had met this girl’s family and friends, she had met mine, and it all seemed so promising but she said I was being short with her the few days leading up to the breakup.
On that Friday, mid sex, she told me “I’m done, pack your stuff and go”. So I left, no drama, and gave her space for a week. I texted her after a week and she said “can I think about it call you Saturday?” To which I agreed.
Saturday came and went and I never heard from her. Finally on Tuesday night I reached out and she called me. She said she was done and that she thinks I should be single for a while given the trauma in my life the last year (dad dying, marriage ending). It just all seemed so sudden when it was going so well before that? And I was transparent with her about everything.
The next day I went over to her place to get the rest of my stuff and she sat behind a locked glass door, pointed to a bag with my stuff and turned away. I felt like a leper standing in the vestibule, able to see her but not talk to her. It was…….bizarre.
It’s been a month since we split now and I still really miss her and keep thinking about the potential and how good it was until the last few days. Feels like I’ll never get over her, I spend more time now thinking about her than I do my soon to be ex wife
Matched with someone this week on Hinge who matches my communication style, which feels huge! We’re both texters and like checking in throughout the day. We’re meeting for the first time this weekend and I’m really excited, she’s very cute and we’ve been sending voice notes and have some fun chemistry cooking.
I’ve learned that while it’s not a dealbreaker, matching communication style just makes early dating anxiety melt away for me.
The guy I’ve been seeing for 3 months said he takes a long time before getting into a relationship. How can I tell if this is commitment issues or just normal for him? At this point we’re exclusive and sleepovers once a week. We’re in our mid thirties. I’m pretty inexperienced with dating and my ex wanted to make it official after two months. Before that I only had a situationship that lasted years. I don’t want to waste my time or be a fool waiting for this guy to be ready. (Although probably just the risk that comes with dating?) I’d be ready to integrate our lives a bit more right now, but he’s enjoying the pace we’re going at.
I’m trying a different tactic for online dating. I’ve been on and off the apps (Bumble, Hinge, FB Dating) for years, and each guy that I’ve met through an app hasn’t worked out. I tend to go for the gamer nerds that I can talk to about nerdy things, but then it never works out. The last three guys that I’ve met up with and dated for varying periods of time all shared similar personality traits and interests, but they just didn’t inspire any feeling from me. There was no feeling of romance. No desire to do anything more than talk.
So I have been swiping right on guys I normally wouldn’t, like the car guys and the golf guys and the guys that hold the fish. These are guys who (generally, in my experience) don’t look twice at me because there’s usually a more attractive woman nearby who can flirt. I can’t flirt.
We’ll see how this tactic goes.
Trying to get over one of those episodes in which there is intense connection very early, but major reasons, it cannot happen. That’s the second time in my life it happens and I still think about the first one. It seems like now I’ll have two “what if…”.