i’ve been bullied from elementary to highschool. and i mean, people would walk by me and insult me. stand behind me and insult me. pass around notes with insults on them. hell, i even walked into a classroom and they all laughed at me like my face was the funniest thing ever. they’d even stop me from going HOME to show their friends how much of a freak i was. i never told anyone because even at that age i knew my parents were not emotionally supportive enough to help due to their abusive relationship. when i entered highschool i think i developed severe anxiety and became completely mute my first year of highschool to cope. i told my counselor once that i wanted to disappear and she genuinely pulled up my grades. i never got to enjoy my senior trips because my middle school one, i roomed with girls who bullied me,— my highschool senior trip, i was alone. the friends i had made at the time were rooming together but there wasn’t enough space for me. first year of college was no different somehow. i hyped myself up and talked to a bunch of people, but talking to people and maintaining the relationship was extremely taxing, and eventually i was alone again. i wouldn’t call it “bullying” but my classmates thought i was weird too, i spent that first year of college locked in my room. i have friends now and i feel more comfortable with them because they are just as weird as me. but i have no idea how to communicate and be natural, which makes me dread having to be social. i introduced my two friends to each other and they are very close now, but i fell out of the loop due to my fears. i end up isolating again and i become alienated due to my lack presence. clearly there is a cycle of me feeling rejected and hiding. but how can i get out of it? i’m so scared