New here! Love Reddit but first time posting. Long story short, my boyfriend of 6 months puts his finger in his ass while we’re having sex but in secret so I can’t see. Why? I have so many questions and I do not care, I’m extremely open sexually and the human body is awesome- nothing is out of bounds for me to at least try and he knows this (no judgment here!)…. Should I bring it up to him? should I just let it be? the ast thing I want is for him to get upset or feel embarrassed. personally, I thought it was hot.

For context: My bf (34) is very much a man’s man, he was in prison for a lot of his 20s, but worked really hard to turn his life around before we rekindled things this past year (we met when I was 17, 10 years ago but I left state and he stayed in our home town). He works out of state for 20 days, comes back for 10 and this is new to us. We mutually agreed it would be hot if we made videos of eachother while he was home so we could watch them when we are apart. He videoed me when we were having sex and surprised me with it after and said I looked so hot, I wanted to return the favor! I put my phone up planning to have our last night together videoed and surprise him with it when he lands out of state the next morning for his work week- halfway through the video, im editing it and getting it ready to send when I catch him when I’m bent over shoving his finger up his butt multiple times before entering me. this man does not fuck around about me being near his butt- he’s a really serious guy, but is completely open with anything I want him to do to me and makes me feel very safe in all our sexual endeavors, but out of respect for him I do not try to push him about anything revolving his butt. to say the least, I did not expect this! Maybe he’s ashamed he likes it? I don’t want him to feel violated, even though we both mutually agreed it’s okay to take videos of eachother,its very obvious this is a private thing for him. Thoughts on what I should do?


14 comments

  2. As a guy that’s been in prison….I think you need to not send that video and bring up ass play in a different way and let him tell you he’s into it. It will give you your answer quickly.

  3. Yes, do not share the video. Or edit that part out.

    Start broaching the topic as an interest of yours, asking him if he’d be open to letting you try some butt play on him. Mid BJ, maybe wander a little lower to lick his butt, or gentle rub his asshole while blowing him. Ease into it as if you’re not aware he likes it. Go slow. Even if he enjoys that kinda thing, it may be hard for him to open up about it.

  5. Here’s what you do.

    Find a way to catch him doing it, don’t act too surprised or call it out. Just grab his ass when you think he’s doing it and say “oh!..I can help with *that*..then start seeing how far he’s comfortable letting you go.

    Or, start with a blowjob and let a finger stray back there without saying anything..and start seeing how far he’s comfortable letting you explore.

    It might just be a case of he’s only comfortable letting his own self back there

  6. If he’s been to prison there could be a looooot of baggage related to this

  7. I would, when the moment is right, tell him that ass play is a kink you’re interested in and ask if he would be willing to do it for you. If he’s game, tell him that the thought of him fingering his own ass, or you maybe even pegging him, really turns you on. If he’s willing to do it FOR YOU, then go have some fun.

    If he’s not comfortable with that, just let it go.

    Either way, destroy that video and NEVER tell him about it. He could be quite embarrassed and ashamed about this, and finding out that you videoed him doing it would feel like a massive betrayal.

    Sometimes it can be difficult for men to share such intimate details about themselves. By making it something he can do for you, he may be able to do it with less baggage.

  9. Not an answer to your question, but if I were in this situation, I’d need to bring it up from a health aspect. I wouldn’t want him thinking it’s okay for his finger to enter his ass and then into any body part of mine. Too risky in terms of microbe transfer. From a safety perspective, hands should be thoroughly washed with soap and water before touching another person’s genitals or mouth.

  10. Delete the video. I know it was consensual for you and yall are cool being freaky to each other BUT consent shouldn’t be assumed without discussing. Ask him “hey that was hot for me can I record you?”

    Maybe he’d be into it and not finger himself. Either way, if he’s hiding it from you it should be up to him

  14. As a guy who has had a similar history to him and my own kink, there are somethings that stand out to me.
    The spending time in prison will likely be a factor in his initial reactions , whether subconsciously or knowingly. Actually not because of the reasons that some have implied in the comments , involving things happening to him there.
    It’s hard to explain but prison changes something in your brain, (especially being there in his 20s when his brain is still developing)
    Showing the slightest bit of weakness or god forbid homosexuality, whether real or perceived is a no-no and that mindset just sticks with you.
    He may of also had a bad experience with another partner in the past. If so, that will make it less likely he that he will open up about it himself, if at all.
    If you suddenly bring it up to him, it could make him feel complete embarrassment, horror , anger and could react very defensively as a result (I’m not talking violently, i mean In a similar way to when you’re being accused of something ) and No mater how much you tell him you’re not bothered and it doesn’t change anything. That won’t matter.
    A side note – he might just do it to push on the nerve that’s there to make him get harder before going into you. But I’ve heard that usually the best time to do it is when he’s about to cum 🙄😂
    I know this all sounds negative and i might be making to many assumptions or relating it to much to myself but if he is anything like me i think its important to tell you this.
    Now look – depending on how you two are with each out and the way you live your lives.
    One idea is to maybe Plan a night out , go for a meal with a couple glasses of wine and some drinks afterwards.
    When you get to the bedroom go down on him and tell him how much you’ve been wanting to put your finger up his ass (you might have to be a bit persistent because he might not say yes straight away so he doesn’t want to look too keen 😂)
    By you being the one who’s asked to do it, that may bring his barrier down and make him feel more confident. And if not it can be played off as being drunk.
    But If he lets yous , once you’ve finished for the night just casually tell how much you enjoy it and how hot it was etc.
    Then just naturally build on it so he has confidence from there.
    You just got to understand that trusting you with this sort of thing might be hard for him. even though he may trust you with his life and everything else, it’s not personal.
    I’m 30 and every so often I’ll see something that will suddenly remind me of one of the girls who knew my kink (and doesn’t even have to be one from the more recent past it could be one from 10 or 15 years ago!) and suddenly I’ll be overcome with embarrassment and worry about if they told anyone!
    Anyway Good Luck!

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