Anyone else ever have this kind of existential crisis?
(Caution long post ahead, already posted a version of this in another sub)
I (33m) spent all of my 20s in western PA drinking either at bars or alone, decent amount of time socializing, I (late bloomer) planned to move away from my folks' home at like 27 right as covid was hitting but that disrupted my plans so I didnt move til the following year in 2021, I was in a relationship until 2022 and have lived alone for the first time for 4 years now.
My days (and nights) now consist of helping take care of a family member thru a paid agency along with my mother, eating dinner with them sometimes, going for walks at the local park, etc. I did go to a concert in 2024 with a friend.
However my social life is not even 10% of what it was 6 years ago, everything came to a sudden and abrupt halt right about this time in 2020. And from that point on (even during the yearlong relationship in between) things have never been the same. I will still meet up with a friend a few times a year for a bite to eat or whatever but most times I go to help with family, come back home to a dark quiet apartment and maybe watch a show and go to bed.
And it's the same thing every day. I can't seem to get the juice back. This is also gives plenty of time for existential dread and relitigating every decision of your 20s. Like wow I wasted all those years drinking and playing video games, probably should've moved to NYC or taken some kind of a risk. I see people traveling or living in NYC having a blast and I'm like wtf am I doing.
I read some people's posts on r/askNYC about how they were going out every single night in their 20s and I'm now having an existential crisis about how much I missed out on during those years, either too introverted or because I stayed in this stupid podunk area.
Then on top of it all, none of the people I spent my 20s with really benefitted my life at all and most of them were assholes. And none of us hang out now because most have had kids and settled. So it's like what even was the point?
I can't be the only one who has gone thru smtg like this looking back wondering wtf you were doing with your time.