I've been having a difficult time lately with things. I'll be turning 36 in a little over a month I have never been on a date or in a relationship. That's the truth.

I've been dealing with a lot of personal shame over the fact I'm still a virgin. I'm probably the oldest dateless virgin in the whole world right now.

I worry that everyone is going to know my personal secret and make fun of me for it.

Everyone around me right now is either married with kids, getting married, or in a relationship.

Meanwhile, I live with my parents, I have never even been on a date, and I've never kissed. I'm literally the real-life Josie Geller.

Why am I still a virgin? Why have I never been kissed or on a date? Well, there are a lot of reasons for that.

  1. I've never approached anyone. I have no idea on how to ask anyone out.
  2. I've never had anyone indicate interest they would want to date me.
  3. I live with my parents (I do have a job. I just don't make enough to live on my own. Teacher salary)
  4. I have a bit of family trauma that I'm working through still.
  5. I'm asexual
  6. I don't want to have kids. I'm childfree.
  7. Not really feeling like I'm attractive. I've never really been told by people that I'm a good-looking guy. I mean, this is my photo.
  8. Anxiety regarding sex. I have no sexual experience. I've never even been kissed. I wouldn't know what to do in terms of sex. I would panic. The thought of my first time makes me scared. The cortisol levels go through the roof. My anxiety levels are immense just thinking about it. As an asexual, I would ideally love to have a relationship where sex is not a requirement in it. The likelihood of finding another ace like me is slim to none, to say the least.
  9. Anxiety regarding a first kiss. I've never kissed anyone. I don't know how to kiss. What if they think I'm a bad kisser? What if my first kiss goes horrendously wrong? Does that end things?
  10. Anxiety regarding dating. Again, I've never dated. So, I don't know how to even date. I've never danced with another person or held a person closely in a hug. I wouldn't know what to do. I know that sex is expected by the third date as a general dating rule. I worry as the relationship progresses, there will be an expectation of sex. Knowing sex is a make-or-break issue for most people in relationships, I worry I'll suck in bed and that will lead to our relationship failing.

Those are just some of the reasons I've never been in a relationship or even kissed anyone.

I've been carrying the fact I'm a dateless and kissless virgin for so long. It's been my personal albatross hanging from my clavicle. I worry what people will think if they were to find out I've never been on a date. I worry that people would just laugh and make fun of me if they found out I've never even kissed.

Being a virgin today is like sticking a loser tag on yourself. Virgins are society's target of derision and shaming. Everyone makes fun of virgins nowadays, as if you're a failure for being one.

I've been afraid to admit all this out loud personally. I don't even know what I would even say if I started dating someone. How would I explain it without it seeming weird?


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