My situationship and I were texting then he said he needs to come back after 1 hour. He comes back like 2 hours later saying he's busy and can't text but if we can text the next day. I said okay. The next day no text came. This sounds unimportant but we were planning on this convo to be our last convo before we speak every blue moon. I think things were leading up to this that already made me feel unimportant. But then by the end of the day when he didn't send a text, I sent him the text asking if he was busy. The next day, he probably wouldn't have responded until I wrote some long emotional text (planning it to be the last text I sent him) and told him he didn't need to respiond. Only then, he responded kept emphasizing how sorry he was. Tbh, I don't believe he's sorry. If I hadn't sent that longass emotional text, he probably would've ignore that previous text until night or something. Then when he responds he says he'll have time this weekend. I got so pissed because all these things, he never asked if I was available. Yes, I am available and free but it pisses me off that I have to accomodate for him.
I don't even understand how busy someone would be that they can't send a text to just let the other person know that they are busy. That's it. One text.
Can someone tell me if I am wrong?
27 comments
Yes. You’re not entitled to everyone’s time, and people don’t have to make themselves available to you. You’re wrong here.
Read your own post back to yourself and ask yourself if that person cares about you.
There’s your answer.
Situationships/ casual lovers are great on paper but never work in real life….. IRL… There is a brief period of ‘oh i’m so respectful’ followed by…total disrespect…
It’s serious or it’s a total free for all… unfortunate but that’s how these things always go… this isn’t worth spinning over ‘he didn’t text me back’….
People will make time if they really care, don’t be an option. It’s a hard pill to swallow trust me I know
nah you’re not wrong. a 10 second text saying “hey busy today” takes zero effort, if someone wants to talk to you they just do it
No, no one is busy 24 hours a day. No one is obligated to talk to anyone in their free time either. From what you wrote, it sounds like it’s time to move on. You shouldn’t feel like you have to send a long, emotional text to get a response from someone.
“I don’t have time” isn’t an excuse for *anything* (not just a text, it can be anything). The day has 24h for *everyone*. The only thing that is different is the *priorities*. He simply has something more prior than texting you.
Yes there are activies in which you simply cannot look at the phone (formal meetings at work, or some relationships between a client and worker etc) . But if you respect someone, you will respond to the message as soon as possible. If you forget, you just say it, without finding excuses. That is my point of view..
Many people on Reddit could benefit from the ask a therapist subreddit learning how to set boundaries and treat themselves with respect. You don’t have to accommodate anyone, you are choosing to accommodate him. Being too busy isn’t about their schedule it’s about where they choose to fit you into their schedule.
Never expect relationship type
Of things like communication with a situationship
It usually depends on how much energy/emotional capacity it takes to answer a text. Sometimes I don’t answer because it will drain me in the moment and I will say I was busy. BUT! This is not an excuse for texts that need a quick reply, it’s not nice when people do it so often and if they really care about you, they will find the time.
Oh girl, I think that deep down you know that you need to let him go and move on. It’s not about being busy it’s about priorities, clearly you are not a priority.
Not saying this is his excuse at all, just sharing my experience as an occasional bad text replier. Again, he likely isn’t like this, but some people out there are.
I have struggled with anxiety and ADHD issues since childhood, and I often delay replying to texts.
Sometimes if I am overwhelmed with stuff at work or home life, even reading and replying to a text just adds one more thing to stress about getting right. With ADHD, people often overthink how big and difficult a task will be and have trouble starting. Executive function disorders are frustrating. It’s one more thing on my mountain of tasks that I can’t seem to get started on. And if I open the text to read it, I’ll have to reply fully immediately or I won’t remember to come back to it. So leaving it unread in my drop-down menu makes sure I don’t forget to swing back to it when I am up to it.
The problem there is that having it in the drop-down makes me see it 10,000 times, which makes me stress even more about what all will be involved in replying. So then I put it off even more.
Avoidance and not starting and occasionally forgetting is the struggle of my life lol.
It’s SO STUPID because reading and replying to a text takes so little real effort. It is preposterous that I stress about something so stupid.
If you have someone who struggles to reply to you or often forgets, they could be like me.
Just block him, he does not care about you and was probably busy with another situationship or girlfriend.
If you’re begging someone to pay attention to you then you deserve better.
He’a treating you like a booty call. Which is essentially what situationships are. They are not friendships nor romantic relationships, both of which imply a certain amount of emotional availability.
I’m happy you cut him loose, but I would not recommend you get into another situationship if you need more.
JFC all these people saying break up. I know that’s Reddit‘s favourite advice to everything.
Here’s my unpopular opinion. If it’s just a situationship roll with it. Give him his space. Take what space you need. Get together when it suits you both. No big deal.
This sounds like a “yes, but….” type of situation. Someone can absolutely be too busy to respond and their decision to respond when they have the opportunity to do so reveals how much they care about you. From firsthand experience both my partner and I have jobs where busy workdays days are so busy that we don’t even have a chance to take breaks, but these days are the exception. We always make sure we set aside time at transition points to respond to each other on these days such as taking a moment after work has ended before starting to drive home even if it means leaving a bit later.
Yeah he’s busy fucking his other 3 women (or men) Sorry.
Maybe he actually is busy. Or, maybe he doesn’t have the energy to respond right away.
Personally, it can take me a while to respond to people, even over texts, if I have a low social battery. No matter how much I care about them. Just cause someone can text, doesn’t mean they’re available or are required to respond 24/7.
Who knows, can’t be sure when we don’t what’s going on on his end of things.
Where there’s a will, there’s a way
You shouldn’t be waiting around and begging someone to give you attention. The other thing is you seem to make yourself so available for this person and they take you for granted. Stop chasing them.
You need to live your life, pursue your hobbies, spend time with friends and do things you enjoy. You can’t tie your self worth and self esteem to other people you’re involved with. Have more self respect and stop lowering your standards because you deserve better than this half assed bullshit.
Actions speak louder than words and with people like this, actions and words don’t match. Ignore the words, anyone can make empty promises and say what you wanna hear. It’s the actions that matter. Take the person at face value and for who they are in the moment. Waiting around for them to reach their potential or to change is a waste of your time. Nothing you do can change them. It’s their responsibility.
Besides, situationships and “no labels” is what people that have commitment issues pursue/suggest. These people tend to send mixed signals, tend to be unboundaried and emotionally unavailable. It’s the perfect recipe for the anxious – avoidant dance. Someone always gets hurt in those situations. Just my opinion.
Situationships aren’t important 😂
I work a boots-on-the-ground sales job. I started at 8am today, and I won’t be done till 10pm. Currently sitting in a parking lot waiting for a customer. Most of my friends and family only hear from me on weekends
DONT HAVE A SITUATIONSHIP oh my god no no no
my ex-situationship altered my brain chemistry. i got so twisted, it was like i got addicted to the highs and the lows, the will he won’t he. i alienated myself from some friends because i wouldn’t take their advice, they saw a douchebag who was manipulating me and i saw someone i could picture a future with. a situationship will tell you emotionally charged things like “it was always you,” “i haven’t felt this way about someone ever,” “it’s not just about the sex i love being around you,” and then they don’t mean any of them!!
and when it was finally over and a decent guy came around i thought he was boring because he was emotionally available!! and this was after i spent a YEAR desperately trying to get the ex-situationship guy to date me. have some self respect and be single for a while. if you get horny use a vibrator. if you get lonely call a family member or ask someone if they want to hang out. no need to subject yourself to that.
to answer your question i don’t think it’s bad in of itself to be a bad texter. i really hate texting and am known to take days to respond sometimes. if i am out with people or even at work or out and about shopping i never check my phone unless it’s a call. i only really check my messages when i have down time because i hate spending any time on my phone when i can be enjoying the moment. if i had a partner need me to text all the time i wouldn’t be able to keep up with it. but with him it seems like he’s texting badly to play mind games, especially if he used to text better at the start/texts more often only when you threaten to leave. but please leave. this man is a dead end and you know it. be single for a while, it is hard at first but do it until you can enjoy it. and then decide if you want to stay single. once you realize you can rely on yourself and not need someone else to feel whole it is a game changer and you feel fulfilled in ways you cant anticipate
Make sure to read AZ_shoe’s comment. Its so real. And to add on to it, know that people with ADHD have a really hard time task switching, so if theyre in the zone doing something it can be really difficult to switch gears into text mode
I’m adhd and I have seizures that cause me problems noticing the time.. I’ll go a few hours but I’d never go a whole unless absolutely knocked out in meds.
If they wanna talk to you… they will