M23, virgin, extreme trust issues, fear/anxiety of intimacy, social anxiety. Starting Therapy on Friday.
I unfortunately still crave love/intimacy, even after being SA by my best friend as a kid, multiple times. These feelings came up a few months ago, in the middle of a deep phase of depression.
I got told many times by friends that dating would be useless until i can have sex with my partner. But i get very anxious and nervous at the implication of intimacy.
The only piece of advice i ever got was to : Hook up with women, but just cuddle instead of fu.king.
…..
Yes, im serious. I mean Id love some cuddles, but I dont have any possibility to hook up with anyone, I dont look good enough, im Demisexual so it not what I want anyway. Unlike all my friends, I have no interest in the hookup-culture.
Is this good advice, and im just a coward? Does anyone have better advice?
I plan on bringing this topic up with my therapist soon, but since I need a female therapist (trauma) it will get very hard to talk about.
I get made fun of a lot for being unable to lose my virginity. They think its just a joke, but it hurt, because its true. its a real problem, i see no way of ever getting a relationship like this.