I’ve been noticing a pattern in myself when it comes to dating and I’m trying to understand it better.
I’ve realized something weird happens when I meet someone I’m actually attracted to and they show some level of consistency (making plans, are on time, communicate well, etc.). Basic stuff we should all expect from one another.
But, after just a couple dates, my brain starts doing this strange thing where I feel hopeful and anxious at the same time.
Like part of me is thinking “maybe this could be something,” while another part of me is already bracing for the moment they lose interest or disappear.
The crazy part is I’m very aware of how irrational it is. We’re talking about someone I barely know. Logically, I know this person is basically still a stranger. I don’t even know yet if I really like them or if we’re actually compatible.
But internally my brain can start spiraling if there’s any amount of uncertainty. Something as simple as a couple days of silence after texting can trigger this weird mix of disappointment, anxiety, and overthinking. And then I’m sitting here like… why am I even reacting like this?
For context, I’m an attractive woman and I get attention from men fairly regularly. I get asked out often that it’s not something rare or exciting on its own. Most of the time I’m honestly pretty content being single and doing my own thing.
Anyway…from the outside you’d never know I’m sporaling. I’m pretty calm, confident, and collected when I’m actually around them. I’m not blowing up their phone or acting needy. I’m very good at playing it cool.
But internally it can feel like a battle between two sides of me:
One side is curious and open and thinks, “let’s just see where this goes”
The other side is already preparing for abandonment or disappointment, reading between the lines and imagining worst case scenarios!
I guess what confuses me is that these feelings can show up so early, sometimes after only a date or two, which is insane. I’m aware that these are probably stemming from old abandonment wounds, both from childhood and in my adult life. I think the recent dating culture and the constant disappointments and whiplashes from people not knowing what they want, or suddenly change their minds about dating and relationships that I’m just traumatized a bit!
Has anyone else experienced this kind of internal push-pull when dating? How do you stay emotionally grounded when getting to know someone new without your brain running ahead of you?
Sometimes I feel like I’m crazy for having these reactions when the reality is I barely know the person yet. I’m exhausted of myself 🙁