This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Told the guy who was emotionally unavailable that we should part ways. Blocked him and hardly think about it. I did like him, and remind myself that I can like someone else just as much or more with someone who’s a better match. Limerence used to get in my way but not anymore. I’m proud of that. I was really going through it emotionally due to his poor communication, then remember that someone available wouldn’t trigger my disorganised attachment like that. Anyway, this is your sign to cut it, and let it go. 🥰🥰🥰
Thought I was looking for a unicorn (kind liberal Christian man in the suburbs who’s open to dating a single mom). They exist!
After almost a year taking a break from dating, I had 2 dates this weekend. Neither worked out, but it was nice to see that what I want is out there.
Anyway, back to a month-long hiatus for travel. Then I dunno what I’ll do.
Downloaded tinder again- it’s been months and months since I was on it. Got a few matches.
Found one that is kinda looking for the same casual I am – gonna meet this weekend. Guess we shall see how it goes
Since I’m somewhat-recently single again, I did a little weekend solo trip like I used to. These often worked great for meeting other travelers at guesthouse or hostels, but didn’t run into anyone this time.
However I met two Italian ladies on a winery tour. We had fun chatting throughout the ~1hr tour and at the end were seated at different ends of the room for tasting. I didn’t notice when they left and we didn’t exchange contact details 🙁
Because the lunch was pretty late after the winery tour, I went to have a late dinner at a bar. That was going pretty badly as expected (everyone is with their friend groups) until 3 women came in and sat next to me. One of them bumped into me, apologized and we chatted for a while. She said she was single after a 6 year relationship, touched me a few times, we exchanged numbers. Then she went out for a smoke and came back with some guy who started feeling her up after a few minutes.
Well. I don’t know what conclusion to draw. Obviously this wasn’t going to go anywhere other than hanging out (or maybe making out!) but still a bummer. On the other hand it seems like I do ok connecting with women from basically nothing, but in my daily life back home the opportunities just aren’t there 🙁
I went on a third date with a guy I’d been getting to know for a month yesterday. He’s very sweet, very respectful, cute but by no means my usual type. Things kind of felt like they might become a slow but type relationship, and I was starting to crush on him. I figured by now maybe he’d make a move or something, or even like hold my hand lol. We ended up talking about it, and he said he felt like things were headed more towards a friendly type thing. I was okay with this until he brought up after how he can’t really connect with something that is a small portion of my life (he made it sound like it consumes my life?). I felt kind of offended, because that just seems like a weird explanation to basically say “I just don’t see you in that way”. But it was nice to actually experience a healthy connection develop but not progress. I would totally be fine with being friends though because at the end of the day, I had an absolute blast and it wasn’t even remotely romantic. Just kinda wanted to vent about it here.
3rd date today with green flag guy. We both admitted we’d never had a dating experience that felt this good this fast before. We talked about trying to move things slowly even though the chemistry is so good, because we both want it to last. Fourth date is set for next week.
I feel like my heart might explode.
I’m on the cusp of scheduling my first date in 7 years. I’ve been up front with them I’m not looking for anything serious right now and just wanna keep things light and breezy. That I can give him clear signs for when I’m ready for physical intimacy, which is true cuz I’ve never had an issue making a move before.
I’m just anxious and also feels like I’m starting to let go of my ex who I still hold dearly.
Gahhhh when do you know when it’s time to call it quits in a relationship? We had super different communications styles and sometimes we just do noooot work
I posted on Saturday that a friend of mine had tried to set me up with someone, but after meeting he said I reminded him too much of his ex. Bit of a bummer but I appreciate my friend putting in the effort to introduce me to someone!
A different friend also introduced me to someone yesterday. He runs a rec league, and thought one of the guys who plays might be someone I’d be interested in. We just said hello and chatted casually for a few minutes (I don’t think he knew my friend was deliberately introducing us to each other, I was there to “fill in as a sub” for a game). The conversation was brief and nothing to write home about but he seemed nice enough. Hopefully I’ll see him again and we can talk more.
I also feel like I’ve been meeting a lot of people through my workout class. No one I’m interested in yet, but I’ve been making a ton of friends especially over the past 3 weeks or so. I was feeling intimidated to delete my dating apps a few weeks ago, but these encounters have given me some confidence that maybe I really can meet someone in real life
I’m still sad and mad at my most recent break up. I’ve dated a lot of men and have been able to accept and weather those break ups, but this one I did not want to happen. In the end the guy showed me a side of him that would not have been good in a relationship but I still feel like it was cut short and we needed more time. I needed more time to figure him and us out. I was not allowed that and now stuck in this stage of attachment and “what if”. I feel like he didn’t give it enough of a chance and got in his own way. It was easy for him to move on and that really hurts.
It felt like in the end there was this weird imbalance of me liking him more when I only reciprocated affections, attention, time and feelings that he showed and expressed. So it’s weird of him to think he “didn’t know I liked him so much” when how he behaved was very much indicative of him being into me. I very much wish things were different. I could see us being in each other’s lives, so it’s just .. awful that it didn’t turn out the way I had hoped. I wish I could turn back time and never have met him. And I don’t say that for anyone I’ve been involved with. And I’ve dated and been involved with many men, definitely some were mistakes, yet I never felt this level of regret as I do with this person. I want to erase him from my memory.
Should I use a dating platform to find a Hyrox partner? Guy or girl…I feel so awkward approaching people at the gym! I usually go workout alone and am in the zone.
Are people having any luck with monogamous LTR-minded dating on Tinder in major metro areas? I haven’t touched the app in years because I thought it was leaning back toward an overwhelming noncommittal or hookup crowd.
I would love to hear about the people who met their partners in the recent years off the apps. I need some hope 🥲
Another psycho I found in OLD yesterday
Matched with him Sunday, he asked to chat off the app sent him my number. Immediately got a call from a blocked number. Asked if it was him. He text me the next day saying it wasnt him. I texted back saying no big deal, was just hoping it was him maybe by accident because that would have made more sense than the alternatives I was worried about. He Immediately texted back saying “I cant believe you would think that!! That I would call you from a blocked number!! Are you serious?!” Holy defensive over reaction man. I just said I wasnt trying to accuse him of doing it maliciously. And that ive has some guys do stuff like that before. He responded saying “honestly it wasnt me. Ive got no reason to call you from a blocked number”. Ok, I already said I believed you no need to double down.
I had previously told hm I could talk on Tuesday night, but it was Monday night now and he asked if I could call. I was eating dinner so I didnt respond immediately, planned to respond once I had finished eating. He waited 3 minutes then double texted “are you there??” So now im starting to get really worried about this guy he seems pushy, defensive, and didn’t care to adhere to my preference for when to call. I should have blocked at this point but I started to text that he could call when he saw me typing he immediately rang my phone. Red flag 3. It was a business caller id and I wasnt sure if I was him so I let it ring out then checked the number. It was him. So I text and said he could call now.
On the call he said he was driving home (at 930pm?) And I asked from where and he seemed startled and paused and said “from dinner with friends”… OK on Monday night yeah sure. Then he immediately told me he wanted to talk because he thought i might have been a scammer (OH SO YOU DID HAVE A REASON TO CALL ME FROM A BLOCKED NUMBER LAST NIGHT. obviously he wanted to check it was a real number i gave). He then asked me when I was free to meet. Which was weird because I thought there point of a call was to get to know the other person a bit. He said well its hard to get to know someone without meeting. Yeah ok dude I think I already know enough to not want to meet. I reiterated what I had told him on OLD about my availability that week, the 2 nights I was free and said I could potentially see him on Friday but it would have to be a bit later due to me having a yoga appointment.
He then said “oh, so yoga is more important than going out with someone who you could potentially get in a relationship with?”. My dude. Are you FOR REAL??? So I said “yes” and had a big laugh.
He said “doesnt sound like wife material to me”.
I told him straight up “if you expect that im going to adjust my schedule of health and wellness that I have to take care of myself, to your preferences someone I dont even know, then thats not very husband material” and hung up on him.
Honestly, one of the most disturbing interactions Ive had in a while.
Anyone ever gone to one of those “Single’s Night” events? There’s one coming up later this month and I’m tempted to go, but I don’t know what they’re like. It’s a paid event too, so there’d the added fear that I’ll go to this thing and bomb out and be X amount of dollars less richer. I’m also in a weird spot where I’m pretty secure in my life at this point (own a place, good job & salary, great friends and hobbies) and I do like being able to go/do as I please without answering to anyone, but with all my friends/family mostly paired off by now, I do get the feeling sometimes that it’d be nice to share my life with someone special. Apps never worked for me so I figure going to places and events would help and I’ve done a few meetups but nothing came of them. So this would be my first dedicated event where the point is to be single and ready to mingle, but I want to hear others’ experience first before I commit.
Still riding yesterday evening’s high. Or that may be the feelings I’ve got for -her- which got a little re-ignition boost thanks to yesterday’s evening. Either way, I’m feeling great!
Do you have a close friend where the attraction is mutual and you flirt like crazy? And the moment either of you jumps into a relationship you keep things super platonic out of respect.
We’ve been friends since high school but wouldn’t consider dating given distance and family planning. But the moment we’re both single and getting over things. we communicate how much we missed each other in this flirty way we shut off to respect each other’s relationships.
I’m glad we always have each other at least as a friend at the end of the day no matter what. I also don’t think I can say we’re fwb because the flirting and everything is really secondary to our relationship. Idk what this is
A guy just cancelled a first date 30 minutes beforehand saying he’s going to a movie with his siblings instead. Like, damn dude, you couldn’t even make something up? Just tell me you’re not interested.
Went to a bar/club. That s**t is for the birds
He really showed me his true colors today and I am shocked and insulted. Maybe a little hurt, but I’ve known there was something weird about this from the start… I have just been sitting here stewing and messaging my friends for the last 5 hours. At least it was 4 months and not 4 years ?
Well guys I have a sucky update to what a posted last Thursday. After all the buildup he reached out and was very clearly interested. He planned a date for Sunday and was the one pushing to see me. The chemistry and tension that had always kind of hovered between us suddenly felt real and immediate.
So for a moment it actually looked like this story was finally going somewhere.
And then… he cancelled the day before.
Apparently he had a last minute work thing so it wasn’t some random excuse. The timing was just painfully on-brand for how this whole situation has gone. At this point I’m not even angry about it. Just tired. It’s been months of this weird push-pull where he pops up, there’s interest, plans almost happen… and then something derails it.
So back at square one longing for a guy that doesn’t really care about making things happen with me.
Have a bad feeling something changed for her after date 6. She’s been a lot colder with me since then, which is a shame. I’ll try to see if she’s up for arranging number 7 and that’ll give me an answer one way or another, I suppose. Would be disappointing as it’s been a while since I actually enjoyed getting to know someone but what can you do? That’s dating.
I’m 31F and just got back into dating. Realised I’m probably not in the place for a relationship so have just started delving into casual intimacy (very new to it all).
Have had a few guys ask about staying over after sex. This is just in conversation mind you (nothing’s happened). Is this normal?
To me that feels too intimate/romantic. I don’t know how I feel about someone I barely know staying overnight. I know it’s going to mess with my sleep too so that’s my go to excuse 😅
Just want to know if this is normal and what your stance is on it.
I knew when she officially broke it off with me Friday, it was inevitable that we would cross paths again. I was hoping it would be at least several months. Nope. I was out on a bike ride, noticed a good looking girl approaching from the other direction. I get closer and realize why I think she’s so good looking. It’s because it’s her! I made it a whopping 3 days without crossing paths. This is why it is going to be so hard to get over her.
She was a crush of mine for four years before we started dating. Never knew or talked to her until a few months ago. Neither of us were on the market for much of that time so I tried to dismiss her for years as a silly crush. It was all the constant random run-ins that prevented me from ever doing so. Now I know she actually had real potential, and if the run-ins continue, I fear I’ll never be able to move on.
Had what felt like an awesome first date with a girl (we’re in our 30s). We seemed to click really well during the first date & she seemed receptive when I suggested a second date near the end of it. We were vibin so I asked her if I could give her a kiss and she thought about it then said maybe on the next date so we settled for a hug instead.
I followed up with a quick text after to let her know when I’m available next weekend but haven’t heard back.
Ladies, does it sound like I followed up too early or came on too strong by asking for a kiss? Or is it kinda normal to not message back right away?
Hoping she’ll respond but looking more to learn from it for next time if she doesn’t.
What frustrates me is how often the guys are a no show on the times we decide to talk on the phone, I’ll then contact around the time saying, hey I’m going to call soon and hear nothing — maybe 1-2 days pass and nothing. So I just send a message like hey I’m unmatching, thanks for the chats. And all the sudden the excuses appear, all the sudden they are reanimated to chat — and it’s like, bro, if you really wanted to chat you’d have been chomping at the bit to chat at the agreed on time and you weren’t. It’s like I’d rather just end it now than have some frustrating situation I’m ghosted or having them be hot/cold endlessly — if you can’t show up for the time we agreed on to phone call or video call and then literally there’s crickets for days — I’m going to perceive this as a bad match and not want to continue on with it.
And you can downvote me. I hold to my own standard — I tell people outright what is happening because that’s how I operate. Not rudely. I simply say, I am going to unmatch, thank you for the chat then exactly 24 hours later having given them time to say whatever they want to, I unmatch like clockwork. If they want they can be rude to me, they can say whatever they want to and sometimes they do — the decision was made and I complete out what I have decided on. I am simply letting the other party know so I don’t just vanish as that isn’t in fitting with my personal standard.
And to clarify what frustrates me is how they all the sudden express all this interest yet if they truly had that level of interest they’d have been there for the phone chat. It’s clear they are not being honest about their level of interest and I find that frustrating — as it’s the same pattern that even got me into that situation of even setting up the phone chat they never showed up for in the first place.
I am 32F with very little experience when it comes to dating (just a few months relationships in my early 20s, with was emotionally abusive)
I just came home from an evening spent with a guy I met at a shared hobby. We were at a game board pub and it was nice, we laughed a bit but I didn’t feel like this was a real “date”. On my part, there was no chemistry, no depth in the convo, no romantic tension I would say.
In the end, I hug him like we usually do, telling him goodbye. He looks at me intensely and ask “can I get a kiss ?”. I mumbled “uh no sorry!” before thanking him for the evening and saying goodbye again. He just said “okay, no worries”
It’s a pretty minor incident in the grand scheme of things but it doesn’t feel good, at all.
It makes me think that I may be overly naive. Next Saturday, I am supposed to meet another guy from the hobby because we agreed to do a karaoke. But this experience made me think I should maybe be upfront first and ask him if he wants to spend time outside platonically or if that’s romantic?
Also I don’t want any tension nor do I want that guy to feel bad, I want to apologize to him if I sent the wrong signals ? Should I ?
I can start to feel the dating excitement from the new year wax and wane. So much effort, so much putting myself out there and being vulnerable, for what? All to go on 3 total dates, including the most humiliating one of my life as they ghosted me mid-date in public. Sinking further and further into loneliness as the world around me descends into hell?
Dating app matches falling off and ghosting, the pool of people to even swipe on is gone, in person is even worse. When will this humiliation ritual end? Am I cursed to drift alone, with death biding its time until its likely victory?
The motivation is slipping, and I’ve run out of tears to shed. I fear it’ll be another long and lonely year.