I got out of an 8 year relationship almost 3 years ago and ever since I have been in the dating scene I have noticed how much things have changed. Everything now is so surface level and fake.

The most common thing that I’ve seen is meeting guys out or even going on a first date and having chemistry and good convo and them talking about future plans together. It doesnt even have to be anything crazy or dramatic…just like “oh you want to see that movie?…we can go this week” or “i wanna take you to my favorite restaurant next time” and then literally they disappear or they might keep talking to you but not making any set plans to see you?

It’s almost like men figured out they dont even need to do the dates or any of the things to court women…they realized its enough for then to just talk about it and seem sincere and women will think “wow he wants to make plans with me and is excited to see me again.” I guess this is just a way to try and hook up?

Just the past couple months I have met 3 guys I was genuinely interested in seeing again that approached me and asked for my number and talked to me all night and said they want to take me out and then I just never hear from them again?

I’m not even sure if Im ranting or want advice. I just think that I am such a self aware person and usually have a good gauge if someone is genuinely vibing and into me and nowadays I feel so fooled every time. It’s just so hard to feel a connection and then you finally do and they seem to be on the same page…but then I guess they were lying? I have no idea but it sucks and Im just sad today.

Any feedback or similar stories would be appreciated


15 comments

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  2. Most men aren’t able to act on what’s on their heart and mind in real life, I remember when I was in the dating scene I met a perfect girl (as far as first attraction goes) we clicked and it was smooth, one night we spoke about going out on a fancy date, a red dress at a high end restaurant but when the time came I had bills to pay and realized I could not afford it so I just stopped talking to her, and that’s that.

  3. It’s not really a new trend. Sometimes people make plans or promises that are hollow. Sometimes they say stuff they genuinely want to do, but life gets in the way (getting too busy or the economy shifts making those plans less practical for them). Since they barely know you (or are not close to you), in the latter situation they might be less likely to keep close contact, or do constant updates to try and maintain the connection if their life-situation changing makes doing that too much of a hassle.

  4. This happened to me last week actually. Went on a few dates with this guy, who to me, seemed really interested in me. He always suggested another date before I could, pretty much had an idea in mind. Told me he wanted to take me on a hike and show me his favourite cafe from where he lived. Said he “doesn’t care where we eat, I just want to eat with you :)”.

    Then out of nowhere he sends me a message saying he doesn’t feel anything for me the day before we were supposed to go on that hike. Honestly upset me for a day or two because I just felt really stupid about it and genuinely did not get that vibe.

    I just think some people get caught up in the moment, and then when left to reflect, realise it’s not what they want. It’s disheartening, but not worth letting yourself get upset over things you have no control over.

  5. I will say this: I started doing this lately to set some limits of how I wanna be treated. I approach the girl to meet her, I ask for her number, I keep the conversation going by texts, I ask her out, I plan the date, and I pay for everything in that date and I take her back to her home. II have already given several forward steps to show Im interested in her. If after the first date I get nothing back (They dont suggest another meet or dont even start a convo unless I do so first) , to me it means this is what they will expect : for me to do everything and they just exist and accept. So now I set my silent limit: If after all the effort I showed, they dont meet me halfway and atleast suggest to meet again or keep the convo going, I wont do it again. I already showed effort, its her turn now.
    So the last 3 girls I dated, after I do all of that, I wait to see if there is some indicator of interest from their part to meet halfway. None has invited me or tried to start conversation by themselves, so naturally, it dies there.

    Its so exhausting after years and years of doing it over and over and over again as a guy to not ONCE have a woman show that she can also have initiative and show interest. So my new limit is that, I will show her my sincere and best effort to signal Im interested and have a great fun date. But if after that she just expects me to keep doing it over and over again forever and doesnt meet me halfway (showing she can also suggest to go out ot meetup or invite me somewhere or whatever) , then Im out, without saying a word.
    Wont spend any more time on an adult woman who expects me to do 100% of the work and keep doing it forever. So date one is on me, and date two can be too, but I expect SOME reciprocity on the effort.

  7. As a guy dating women, this is not gender specific. No one is ready to commit to more than a first date or two.

  8. I think a lot of this is a side effect of dating apps changing the “dating market.”

    A small percentage of men and women get a huge amount of matches and attention. When someone is talking to multiple people at once, there’s way less incentive to follow through on plans with any one person. It becomes easy to talk about future plans in the moment but never actually commit.

    It’s not always malicious, I think it’s just what happens when people feel like they have endless options. The system kind of rewards keeping doors open instead of closing them.

    So the people who want to date seriously often end up interacting with people who are just casually browsing the dating marketplace.

  9. I’ve had the exact same thing happen to me but with women. People often like to avoid stressful talks like “You’re not what I expected” or “I’m more inteested in someone else I’ve started talking to” so they see the plan and ghost approach as an easier one.
    Not much to be done about it sadly, just keep at it until you meet the right person!

  10. I have absolutely made plans with people and had the “I don’t think we are a good fit for each other” or “I’m just not feeling it for some reason” conversation to end things before we had that date. My reasons have been varied, but always to make sure I’m not wasting more time than I already have (mine and theirs).

  11. In the 70s, early 80s, a hookup (not called that back then) was always part of finding out. The culture was wild, the pill was invented and pre-HIV it was all about sex and rock and roll. Men lied, ghosted, loved the one they were with and rock stars wrote about it. The expectation for women was insane to love all this new “sexual freedom” “free love” and basically act like men and spread it all over. We enabled the lying and were told to like it.

    I know it’s hard, but I’m glad to see there’s a way for young women to find the liars before sex. It’s better this way. That’s all I can tell you. It’s never been easy. It’s much better with a way to quickly pick out the lying.

  12. I felt this, it was rare when a guy actually followed through with future plans. So much so that when they’d say it be like “ yeah” and in my head I’m saying “ we’ll see”. It kinda sucked to have to keep the expectations that low but at the end of the day if you’re meeting someone from the internet we’re all strangers who owe each other nothing?? Though i don’t think it should be like that, i feel that’s how many people feel and act on there. When I met my now fiancé his follow through was something I’d never experienced before. It was so simple and easy and I never questioned where he stood with me.

  13. i think there is a new generation of men now, who are too much procrastinated and too much injected with tik tok and other reels videos, just its a generation of people, who are not ready for something long. they get a satisfaction from short talks, and after that they lose an interest. you can do nothing with this. we live in such times. the only what you can do – to date! once you will meet serious reliable man, who is not poisoned with short dofamine, and who will be ready to conquer your heart and give you joyful moments!

    can i ask you something, what is your age? and from which country are you? its really interesting to know!

  14. I think are lots of people who are not emotionally ready to date or are avoidant.

  15. Im a married man but back when I was in the dating scene there was a trend I noticed for both men and women where we always think we will find someone better and that’s why no one is ready to commit . There’s infinite choices due to dating apps so people don’t want to settle because they think they will find someone a bit prettier , a bit more wealthier , a bit more funny . It’s just an endless cycle of “ I’ll find someone better , I just have to wait “

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