So I have been dating my boyfriend for basically a year and a half. He was one of the first friends I made in university and I quickly developed feelings. We got intimate very fast (like knowing each other for just over a month) and we were both each other’s firsts. At first we followed safe sex, but we had issues where the condom kept breaking during because of too much friction. So after a month or so we began to have unprotected sex and have continued until now. I tried to keep using condoms but every single time I had to ask him and it felt like he didn’t think it should be a given. Disclaimer that we are not in the US and so backup plans are available.
Last month I had a real scare as my period was late by 10 days. During this time we were going through a rough patch so I didn’t tell him until after my period came. However we reconciled and he understood and obviously was super sad I didn’t feel like I could tell him. So the next week I bought us condoms and lube and it went fine. However after just two times the third time we had sex again he didn’t use a condom. I did not object but I just had a horrible sinking feeling the whole time like I was already letting go of a boundary I tried to put. I want to say that he definitely would have used one if I just said so but I don’t know why I didn’t.
He is normally a very caring boyfriend, not abusive at all or anything. In our relationship I am especially frustrated at myself for not setting boundaries early on regarding physical intimacy. And now that I let myself down again I really don’t know what to do. In regard to contraception I could get on the pill but I don’t want to compromise my own hormones or health because he can’t do this. It feels like I’m just letting him use me. I know I need to talk to him but I’m not sure what to say. Can I get advice on how to approach this conversation?