I’m looking for some outside perspective because I feel really confused and hurt right now.
My boyfriend and I got into an argument tonight about communication in our relationship. I’ve been trying to explain to him for a while that when you date someone who struggles with a mental disorder, communication and certain extra precautions matter a lot. I’ve been really open and honest about the things that help me feel secure and cared for, and I’ve asked him to try to meet me halfway on those things.
Tonight I tried explaining again that if we both want to be happy in this relationship, it means actually taking those things seriously. I told him that when he ignores those needs or brushes them off, it really hurts and makes me feel like I’m not being heard. From my perspective, he knew what he signed up for when he chose to be with me, and part of loving someone is caring about the things that affect them mentally and emotionally.
Instead of really talking it through with me, he said he “didn’t get it” and that he was going to sleep. That was basically the end of the conversation.
So now I’m going to bed really upset while he’s just asleep. It kind of feels like he’s hoping that if we just go to sleep it’ll all go away by morning and we can pretend it didn’t happen. But I hate going to bed like this. I’d rather work through things than just leave them hanging.
For context, we’ve had a rough few days already and I’ve been trying really hard to communicate clearly instead of shutting down or reacting badly. I feel like I’ve said everything I can in words tonight, and it still didn’t land.
Now I’m just lying here wondering if I’m expecting too much or if it’s reasonable to want your partner to actually stay in the conversation when something important is bothering you.
Is it normal for someone to just say they don’t understand and go to sleep in the middle of a serious conversation? How do you handle situations where you want to resolve something but the other person just checks out?