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I have a new crush on this guy ( I know it’s embarrassing) š«£ And I just found out last night that we share the same birthday š„° idk if I should hate that, but I lowkey think its adorable
It’s always quite the jump-scare when someone with my ex’s name likes me on Hinge. I blocked him as soon as I created my account, but seeing him on the app is still a fear of mine.
I have a third date on Sunday and am very much looking forward to it. On date one, we kissed while it snowed. On date two, we kissed in the rain. I wonder what the next weather event will be. Tornado?
Iām really struggling with my sexuality right now and how it plays out with my future. Iām really attracted to women but Iām femme and attracted to femmes. And when I date there isnāt a ton of reciprocity, they want to move way too fast, or they romanticize more masculine partners and it feels like they settle for me. And while Iām not masculine I will most likely always be the bread winner because of my career. But the thing is I love being spoiled as much as I spoil my partner.
I am attracted to men but at 34 Iām wondering if they just donāt fit into my life romantically. I havenāt had any luck with them. I find them to be too dominating and the guys Iāve dated lack social skills that I see the women I date express naturally. And if Iām being honest a lot of men around my age are not aging as gracefully as the women I see. As in they donāt work out or drink too much or just donāt dress well.
This isnāt to pit women and men against each other because as you can see in my writing above both have their ups and downs.
This all has come up because some of my friends are encouraging me to date more women. I did live as a lesbian for many years of my life but it has been so long I canāt even remember what it was like.
Also update on musician: I ended up looking more into him and it seems like he has a pretty grating reputation so Iāll probably slow fade the situation.
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My mind is all over the place recently. I’ve been seeing someone (27F) for a few weeks now but have been friends with her since October.
By all accounts, she is absolutely amazing. We have a lot in common. She is patient, supportive, and really easy to talk to. All of these factors frustrate me deeply as I just can’t think of her in a sexual way. I lost my virginity to her last week but wasn’t able to finish and I’m very frustrated with myself.
Historically, I’ve never thought about crushes in a sexual way. I always just think about them romantically in other ways. This was true even at 21 years old when, as a man, I am supposed to be super horny all the time. I do fantasize about sex to some level but way less than most people.
Thus, I am trying to figure out if I am on the asexual spectrum, just not into her physically, or there is some health factor I am not seeing (like low T). I worry that this will doom our relationship, as she clearly wants to enjoy sex more than I do (although she claims it was not an issue that I had to call things off last week in the middle of the deed).
So over the last year I have lost 80+ lbs and gained ~25lbs of muscle. I have gone from being completely invisible to women to being stared at or outright ogled. Itās uniquely frustrating to only just be getting this attention now, especially because I donāt even have time to date and am leaving the region for NYC next year.
I(F) have a first *third* date tomorrow (weāre going golfing) with a man I met through OLD. The man is very good looking. But our connection is a bit of a slow burn I believe. The chemistry is there but he isnāt really open about himself + Iām still figuring out of our values align.
I like him, but am still a bit on the fence. Because weāre not following the standard dating timeline I donāt now what to expect at all during the date
tips are welcome š«¶
I dont think im ready mentally to be in a relationship. But I am needing sex. Its been 4 years now since I had it last.Ā
Went on date 2 with guy 2 (as my friends call him). We did dinner. We hugged. No kiss. We are gonna do something on Saturday before he goes out of the country for a couple weeks.
But Iām just feeling eh about him – he says the right things, seems to be interested in me, definitely is trying to see me. But Iām just eh about it.
I think that I had such a great date with the guy that rainchecked on the 2nd – that Iām comparing. Which is not fair at all to guy 2. Iām not sure at what point or how I feel heās just not for me or if itās because of the situation with guy 1 that I canāt get as into guy 2.
Ohh. Also got an unsolicited D pick from another guy I had been talking to. Instant block.
Edit to add: I am not looking for anything super serious right now. A step above causal
I think my Bf and I have different definitions of love. He doesnāt know if heās ever been in love or what love is.
Question is: How do you know youāre in love?
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Can I just vent for a second. I am tirreeddddd of having to do it all on my own and I am really hitting my breaking point of having to do everything on my own and figure it out. People dont realize how mentally fcking taxing it is as a single person. When anything goes awry, I have family and friends who lend an ear, but I always have to figure it out. I’ve had four close family/friends pass away since 2020 (and another thats dying), thankfully I had friends and family to lean on, but it would have been comforting to have a partner to lean on. Work has been frustrating, I can vent to family and friends, but it would be nice to come home to someone to lean on after a bad day. I bought a place on my own, after about 3 months the high of doing that wore off. I have to do all the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. Its so taxing to not have someone else to rely on. I have to figure out finances alone. I think I just needed to vomit that out. Things could be worse, at least I have friends and family to support, but I am just so fcking tired.
When did it become normalized that āmaybeā means ānoā in dating? I can handle outright rejection, but Iām going to lose my mind if Iām strung along one more time by someone who blindsides me that heās suddenly seeing someone else. Every situation involves some uncertainty before thereās commitment (and even after tbh), but to get constant reassurance that things are good and suddenly have the rug pulled from under you is crazymaking. Just days before I found out, Iād asked this guy what was going on. He said things were ok, he just gets in his head about things sometimes. I asked if we were good. He said, āAlways.ā I trusted him because I knew he had shit going on in his life (like specific shit that we had talked about, not just āwork is super crazy right now and Iām so busyā). We still saw each other at least once a week, sometimes more. And then when I asked why he didnāt say anything sooner, suddenly he doesnāt owe me anything. He lied and said heād told me weeks ago that there wouldnāt be anything between us (he hadnāt) and I was blaming him because I held onto hope. He even accused me of not actually caring about him and talking to other people (what???). But also I need to get a life apparently. I had a complete breakdown because I felt like I was actually going crazy. I had even told my therapist I feared this exact situation happening even though I had no concrete reason to believe it and cried in her office because I felt like I was being paranoid. But it actually happened.
love is setting up your own private mesh network communication relay
Met a guy awhile ago on Hinge, we texted a bit, but date plans fell through, and the texting fell off.Ā
I just redownloaded hinge and he sent me another like with a reference to our previous conversation. We’ve been chatting a bit today, and he seems nice, but he likes 1.5 hours away, and I’m a bit wary of starting something at a distance again.Ā
My last great big feelingsā¢ and ultimate disappointment was far away (500+ miles), and it just wasn’t tenable for him.Ā
It would be lovely to meet someone for once who just lived next door. š
I absolutely hate it when Iām around people and they start talking about their sex life. I get so uncomfortable, insecure and sometimes internally angry when someone discusses it. I know why it does because Iām the only guy around me that hasnāt and most likely will never have one. It makes so alone in way that others just donāt get it.
This bitch got a third date!!!!! My dude came in clutch with a 6pm Wednesday call for a Saturday night date. Per my rules, he was very close to the cutoff and I was about to get āvery busyā with āother peopleā šš¤£
Turns out he was working late but I really appreciate how heās been consistent with timing and not blowing up my phone like previous guys have. This feels like a grown-up thing and I absolutely love it.
So now Iām deciding how far I want to go, because it is the āthird dateā. We are going to a really nice restaurant that Iāve been dying to go to. I would love to go home with him but Iām scared that doing so will end our dates- and they are giving me so much life right now. I definitely want to sleep with him, but Iām not sure that Iām ready yet. I want relationship, and while we are enjoying each others company, I donāt want to jump into anything too fast.
In the past Iāve been very sensitive and overwhelmed by the dating process (diagnosed with adhd and autism in the last couple of years) and I just donāt want to go through that againā¦. Reading intentions the wrong way, making assumptions about the relationship- and then feeling betrayed when things went bad.
It feels good to finally wear my expensive makeup and perfume- and all the outfits that Iāve just been letting sit in my closet because thereās nowhere to wear them to. I love how much fun Iām having with him and being able to relax and just be a woman.
Went on three dates with a girl a friend set me up with. I wrote a while back how I tried to put my hand on her knee on the second date and wasnāt sure if she was feeling it. Some of you here said that you wouldāve thought it was too much too.
She seems super engaged when weāre talking, and the time passes quickly, but she also seems a bit reserved physically. Anyhow, she just invited me to a restaurant, just when I was thinking it would be nice if she showed some initiative or gave a sign that she wasnāt going along just for politeness š Iām excited. I rarely feel nervous before dates, but with this girl I do, probably because I think sheās a bit āout of my leagueā. Letās see.Ā
First time dating a penis-haver. How do I react?
I have never seen/touched one romantically, so literally… how do I react without being *too clinical and cold* about it, and especially *not in the wrong way* (I suppose much of penis jokes should be denormalised and unpacked)?
I am buzzed and feeling hopeful O Divine Master i have done grave things in my past but I have so much love to give please put someone in my path worthy of it and its vastness
I feel ridiculous even writing this. Posting for help.
Iām 37 and generally have my life together. I have a solid career, kids, responsibilities, the whole thing. Iām not someone who falls apart easily.
But there is this one guy I canāt seem to get out of my head, and it is honestly humiliating.
We never even had a real relationship. We went out, hooked up once, stayed loosely in contact for a while, but he never really pursued me. Not consistently. Not seriously. Just enough interaction to keep the door cracked open.
And somehow my brain latched onto him harder than anyone Iāve dated in years.
The part that makes me cringe the most happened on NYE. I got drunk and basically drunk texted how much I liked him. Not in a subtle way. I told him straight up how I felt about him. His response was he was in a weird place in his life. š¬
Before that we were even texting to meet up again to hook up, but it never happened. Things just fizzled like they always do with him. And somehow that didnāt stop my brain from staying attached.
Todayā¦I saw his profile again while I was swiping on Hinge. I sent a like and now Iām sitting here feeling like an idiot waiting to see if heāll match.
The worst part is knowing that as much as I like him, he does not like me.
Thatās the part that hurts the most.
It makes me feel like something is wrong with me. Like Iām not enough to get the one person I actually wanted. And I hate how much power that thought has over my mood.
Logically I know sometimes people just donāt click. But emotionally it feels like rejection in the most personal way possible.
Has anyone else ever gotten stuck on someone like this even though nothing real ever happened?
How did you finally let it go?
I went on 7 dates over 6 weeks with a guy who seemed really into me and intentional. I met his friends, I met his dog, we had one sleepover. Then he got sick with the flu and disappeared for two weeks – still ongoing. I checked in with texts, asking if he needed anything, and he would respond politely but never ask anything about how I’m doing or give any more info besides how he’s feeling. He has stopped initiating texts all together. I’m kind of disappointed and I don’t want to extend myself any further if he’s not feeling it but this is the furthest I’ve gotten in dating in YEARS and I’m not sure if I should keep pushing or just let it go. If I’m feeling this conflicted re: communication and its been less than 2 months, not sure if it’s worth pursuing anymore.
Ladies, how would you feel if someone youāve been talking to for about 3 months sends you flowers?
For context, she relocated to another city about a month ago. She gave me her address as I am going to send her some sweet treats I got for her from a recent trip. I am thinking of having some flowers delivered the day the package arrives. Never done this soā¦.
I tried experimenting a bit. I realized that I donāt need to conform to what part of the world thinks is true, I just need to do what actually works for me – and conversation works in the sense that it gets me excited to actually meet people, so I put something on my profile about needing to chat a little before going out.Ā
I also put my money where my mouth was – someone asked me out after a few so-so messages and when I went back and checked his profile I realized one of the few messages we exchanged was just him repeating what was there. Before I would have said, fine, I can fit in a date and see, whatās the harm. But now I was likeā¦ there was nothing really to indicate we would actually connect. No joking to indicate shared humor, the convo was basically just listing hobbies despite me trying to get it off the ground, he didnāt seem curious in me much, etc., so I politely declined based on not feeling a connection.
Another guy DID chat with me for several days, but after asking me on a date revealed he was moving in a few months. Honestly very grateful he didnāt wait until the date to say it! But he couldnāt really give any clarity on what that would mean for dating, and I wasnāt willing to meet up without having a clear answer there so didnāt see him.
Went on a couple dates – one we mutually did not seem to feel the connection, the other unfortunately was one sided and I had to decline. Double unfortunate since texting the convo seemed good but in person it just came across rather intense, but it’s not like it was worse odds than what happens if I don’t chat! I do think he was 2-3 inches shorter than his profile indicated, but maybe Iām just a really bad judge of height? (I was wearing maybe 1 inch boots and he should have been 2 inches taller, but felt like he was maybe 1 inch shorter)
Andā¦ I broke up with my (no longer) boyfriend. I should have done it last week and stuck to my original decision, but somehow we reached today as final breakup day. What a weird weird turn of events. This person started off great, so fucking great, I was so happy, he was so happy, I started noticing a few small things, we discussed them, it all seemed easy and wonderful. Then about three weeks ago it was as if he became a different person. Started taking much much longer to reply to messages, cancelled meet-ups, and the conversations became so dry and like theyāre weird small talk.
We spoke on the phone a week after the āchangeā since I was feeling so odd about it all, he said heās just been struggling really badly with the fact weāve gotten so close – ugh, what?! itās been nearly three months, we see each other all the time, we have sex, you stay over, youāve met my friends, we talk about all the things, we did a weekend away together, it happens, this is exactly how you get close to people. By dating them like we have. He was being so weird.
We were supposed to see each other on that weekend but he asked to cancel, then towards the end of the week I sent him a voice note to say I think Iām done, that Iām open to speaking about it still, but that it seems this relationship ran its course and I refuse to allow anyone to treat me that way. He remember lied right away, long paragraphs about how he felt so much pressure (fully self inflicted, I didnāt ask to change anything) and decided he needed to be selfish for a bit. I told him that being selfish is recognising youāre feeling all this pressure, and communicating it like an adult, and asking for time, or to slow things down, what he instead did was being an asshole. What he did was to one sidedly change everything. Like getting an email from a company saying āwe changed the terms and conditions, you must accept to keep using the service.ā Well sir, I never agreed to these conditions, so I will respectfully bow out.
I asked him to come and collect the things of his he had at mine. Since we met and spoke we then agreed to take some days and think more if itās reply over. In all honesty? I felt really bad. Heās been great and consistent, it all felt very aligned, and the first time we have any real conflict I tell him Iām out? It sounded bad when I phrased it that way in my head.
Then I had a few more days to think and that same hindsight clarity you get when you finally see so many things youāve been overlooking because you really like someone? That. The next time we spoke was Monday, I was ready to call it, and texted to ask if heās ready to talk that day, he replied (again, late) that he was, but is on his way somewhere. I asked for clarification, and if weāre speaking now or later, he said he didnāt realise I meant on that same day. Bitch, if you bothered to actually read my message youād see I specifically asked ācan we talk today?ā I sent you one message and already thereās a misunderstanding.
We postponed to today, and he messaged me around the time we were supposed to talk that heās been roped to go do drinks with work, and can we talk later. NO! We canāt! I just texted back āI donāt need to talk, letās just call time of death now.ā How dare you?! Iāve been nothing but kind, accommodating, and understanding of that person and heās beenā¦ frankly, not the person I thought he was. I was so sad last week, and now I just see him as a coward and canāt believe I saw this moving forward. He wanted to stay friends and I donāt think I want to. Iām friends with a few exās, Iām best friends with an ex of mine, theyāre people I respect. I lost respect for him and canāt imagine what a friendship with him will give me. He was fun, but also, Iām so fucking fun, he was just there.
Iām happy Iām not in love with him and Iām happy I donāt really have anything to get over now since I seem to have done it already in the last few weeks, and thanks to his behaviour, Iām just happy to move on. In many ways, he was exactly the type of person I want to be with, so if he didnāt end this with such a 180 on his entire personality Iād probably be pretty devastated since we seemed to be so well suited. Thankfully, he showed me who he really is, how he really handles conflict, and how avoidant he became, and thatās not something Iāll ever accept, so bye. Also, heās chronically reading the news and not once asked me if my mum is ok since sheās in an active war zone now. Go fuck yourself.
Iāve told all my friends about this and theyāre absolutely shocked with the change. Especially the ones who met him.
I think this is how once ends up in bad relationships, you accept bad behaviour because you think the person is going to go back to the way they were at the start. I understand struggling and having a wobble. But if we spoke about something, I expressed this is hurtful, and you donāt change your behaviour after? Out. Bin.
I am proud of how I conducted myself, I am proud of the person I am. I wouldnāt have done anything differently (apart from breaking up last week) I was kind to him, I was supportive, I was understanding, I was (as petty as it sounds) so much hotter than him! I know heāll miss me, and will potentially regret this in the future, since from everything he said, I treated him much better than the last few people he was with, but once Iām out Iām fully out.
Iām really looking forward to going back to dating, actually. I really enjoy it. Iāll also have so much time this spring/summer so itāll be great fun!
Got stood up on Thursday and then a great first date followed by the classic “no time/effort” you deserve better š« One promising matchmaker date tomorrow afternoon but this is all just such emotional whiplash!
About a month into dating, I’ve noticed that women (30 – 37) are far more into in person meetings than texting. Once I have dates confirmed, I feel like there isn’t much back and forth between general check-ins (hey how was your day kind of thing).
The in person dates are great and slowly progressive.
Is this a common theme of not a lot of communication between dates, but having women consistently confirm plans and show up to the dates?
Iām just sad today. Leaving my apps paused. Wondering if Iāll ever been loved again and if I ever was by any partner.
I really miss being loved. Iām in a relationship and itās going well, but god I miss hearing someone say āI love youā in a romantic context. Itās also unfortunate, as I am ready to say it to him, but doubt he is.
waiting for new guy to text me back looooooool
it’s day 7 of him working 7 days, I hope he wants to hang out tonight š„¹