so i've been dating this guy for about 14 months now and there's this ongoing issue that's really starting to get to me. basically, his personal hygiene is pretty questionable and it's affecting our relationship in a big way.
from early on i noticed he had this persistent body odor thing going on, even right after he claimed to have showered. at first i didn't want to make things awkward so i waited a few months before saying anything. when i finally brought it up, i asked if he was using a washcloth or anything to actually scrub when he showers. turns out he wasn't and insisted that most people don't either. i suggested he give it a try anyway.
fast forward to recently and i had to have another conversation because the smell was just becoming unbearable during intimate moments. when i mentioned the washcloth thing again, he said he tried it but it bothered his skin so he won't use one. i offered up using a loofah as an alternative but he shot that down too. he got really defensive and ended up leaving my place upset.
then there's his hair situation. whenever i run my hands through it, my fingers come away feeling greasy and it never smells clean – just kind of oily and unwashed. so i asked what kind of shampoo he uses and he told me he doesn't use any at all. apparently he saw some tiktoks about people who don't wash their hair and how it supposedly makes it less oily over time, so he thinks water alone is fine.
i'm really struggling here because these seem like pretty basic hygiene things to me. i've tried being gentle and understanding but nothing's changing. part of me wants to have one more serious conversation about it, but i'm worried it'll just cause another fight. this is starting to become a dealbreaker for me but i don't know what other options i have.
tldr: boyfriend has poor hygiene habits and refuses to change despite multiple conversations