We have been married for 9 years, been together since we were 16-17. In the beginning, our relationship was rocky at best. We were young and dumb. I would talk to girls online thru Omegle, she always has a flirtations, appeasing personality and so it always felt like someone was doing something wrong. She then cheated on me about a year in, going all the way with one of her “band” members when she thought didn’t care about her. I have worked for years and it’s always still in the back of my mind. However, I work through it and forgave.
Fast forward to present day: in early February, I had a hunch something was weird, and I went through her phone when she fell asleep. I didn’t find anything except one message on threads. The content of the message was not really bad but the context told me something was deleted. I confronted her in the morning, she initially had lit me and told me it was a different message that literally just said good morning. I remembered the name and told her she deleted the message I was talking about. After tell her that, she came clean and said she was talking to this guy but it was nothing bad, just about his motorcycle. She recently got into motorcycles and apparently was playing that up a lot on threads. So we talked, and moved on. This was on a Wednesday morning. On the weekend, she went away for our daughter’s cheer competition with her sister, mother, and both of our kids. I had a previously scheduled tattoo appointment and so I was a few hours away but didn’t go this time. We talked thro it h text and on the phone and I stayed in a hotel the night since I had a two day session. The first night, I went to bed at 10 since I was pretty tired from the tattoo and didn’t get much sleep the night before. The Airbnb I booked for them was cold so she said she was going to take a shower, we said our good byes and I did just what I said. The next morning, I called her around 9:30 am since I slept in and we stayed on the phone until my appointment at noon. And the same thing happened after my tattoo that day, after, I called her and headed on my two hour drive home. She did the same, and we got home around he same time. We were all over each other when we saw each other that night.
Fast forward to Tuesday: I got on my computer for work (I work from home and she goes to the office), and saw on my phone I had a notification that she added something to her Snapchat story. I looked, nothing was there. It felt weird because stories last 24 hours and this was only from hours before. I thought she blocked me, so I logged into her Snapchat, and saw she was messaging two guys names I don’t recognize. So I dug a little further. I looked at her memories and saw a bunch of bra and sexually seductive pictures, and a few nudes. I immediately texted her and said that we needed to talk, now. She called me and we talked it through and she downplayed it. She said they were just friends that she talked about bikes on and eventually came that she sent some of the pictures to them, but very adamant about the nudes not being sent. She came home for lunch and we talked more, I eventually got more details from her that she had been talking dirty to these guys and it’s been happening for a while and she met them on threads. So then I asked her to tell me everything. She kept saying that was it. I told her to give me her instagram password, I logged into to her first account and saw that the guys from Snapchat were on her recent messages. However, surprise, the messages weren’t there. Eventually I tell her to give me her other instagram password, she claimed to forget it and it took a while to give it to me. She eventually did and I logged in and saw every thing was deleted. So I then began to probe her: “So and so said you sent the nudes to the… why” she then came clean and said they’re lying I did send them to one guy. Turns out there were about 5-10 guys she was doing this to. She didn’t say she was married, she kept saying when she talked dirty she would use her smut books for content because she wasn’t sure how. To talk like that and she liked the attention. The guy she sent nudes to was actually the weekend at cheerleading, and from the morning day that I caught her.
This keeps going though because I have been lied to multiple times, catch her in a lie because I ask questions and I don’t know if I can move past this. She tells me that she didn’t think I loved her, that I was always away or playing video games, that she was never complimented by me. These all seem so wrong since I have given her specific instances of things to show the opposite. It’s hard because we have a house, kids, dogs, everything! Is it worth the marriage counseling? We have been open the last 3 weeks but things keep coming up or I overthink things or things just remind me about this whole thing. Am I over reacting?
TLDR: wife sent nudes to a guy and sexually provocative pictures to other guys after I caught her talking to some guys threads. She gas lit me initially and told me eventually that she was using her smut books to help her talk dirty to them. It was pretty vulgar in nature “I’ll bend you over and f*** you“ – “yes stick it in me” etc.