What’s something your mother did that you don’t want to repeat?
March 2, 2026
What’s something your mother did that you don’t want to repeat?
42 comments
Lost herself in her marriage with my dad. Her sole focus was my dad and us kids. She’s even admitted to doing it and has made steps to make sure she doesn’t do that in her current marriage.
Had kids when she couldn’t even take care of herself.
Have children.
Neglecting my brother and me after our Dad passed away. As an adult I recognize she was depressed but as a child the hunger and loneliness were awful. Thankfully an aunt took us in and gave us a safe place until we graduated high school.
Being a liar.
Parenting through fear
Spankings.
Let mental health issues go unchecked so long that no one in the family wants to associate with me.
Having four kids.
Having a baby (me) by a man who is actively married to another woman.
Having children
Put an unhealthy amount of focus into aesthetics and appearances, I’m in my late 20s now and she still thinks I have a similar style taste (I do not)
Being in a relationship with someone who yells.
She was never single. She never ended a relationship before getting into a new one. All of her marriages (except the first one) started with infidelity. She’s on #5.
She called me hurtful names when she was angry or frustrated
Belittle and make me feel not good enough and fight. I go to therapy for my anger and have found some healthy outlets. I will do anything to not be like her in the way she treated me
Raised a kid alone. I love her so much for her sacrifice and hard work, but doesn’t mean I want it for myself lol.
Beat the shit out of her kids and disappeared for days at a time because she was a drug addict POS.
Shamed me into silence. She was a truly great mother, but heavy into religion. Everything was black and white. Any aspect of grey I came across had to be explored in secret. I’ve always been in awe of families that just… share, openly about personal stuff.
I will not be teaching my children that their body size is the most important thing. or that it’s acceptable to talk about other peoples bodies.
My mum has been great but I’d like to take mental health more seriously for my future children.
when I was at my lowest self harming/suicidal I felt that she kinda just didn’t take it as seriously as she should have and did’t get me the help that i desperately needed.
By the time I managed to overcome it many years was wasted and I was left with horrendous anxiety. Decade later and I still struggle with my anxiety.
Try to control everything, and not understand that I am an adult and can handle things.
I want to be closer to her, but I can’t vent to her or tell her anything serious because I get a lecture on what I should do, what worked for her, and even lies about what she has heard work so that I do what she wants. It’s intense. If I tell her an issue, she then worries about and brings it up weeks later.
An example, I recently mentioned in passing that we needed to get passports for my husband and I and our kids because ours had expired, I think we were talking about international travel. She then told me she would pay for it because we really needed them. I declined the money because we have money and she currently doesn’t have a job. A few weeks later she asked if I had done it and I explained that it was on my list. She then called a week later and asked if we had any interest in visiting Niagara Falls. I told her sure, I’ve never been. She then said she would pay for us all to go but we had to go to the Canadian side because that was better….then asked if we got our passports yet. We have never talked about a trip there before, and we’ve only ever been on one other big family trip with her. She hasn’t brought it up since, she was just trying to rush me to get passports without telling me to get passports. It has absolutely zero to do with her, but she was relentless because she panicked in her head about us needing to flee the country. It’s exhausting.
When my kids are adults, I hope that I can listen, give advice when asked, but mostly just be there for venting and trust that they can handle it.
Making my child feel like just because I in theory “have it worse” that they can’t express their feelings and concerns.
Marrying a crap dude and having kids with him and letting him abuse her and her children for 16 years
Become an alcoholic
Too long of a list, but the root of it all could be putting everyone else’s needs first and seen my own as completely unworthy
Being hyper-critical of her daughter (me). I’m only realising now the influence it’s had on my negative self-talk and low confidence in adulthood. I don’t hold it against her though as I’ve worked through this in therapy and have a good relationship with her now!
Have children. Period.
Neglected herself because she puts everyone else’s needs above her own, often at the expense of her own health
The one thing I said I’d never repeat, I repeated it.
Choose a man like my father, I’ve been vary adamant about that since I was young that I’d never choose one that even slightly reminded me of him
Emotional neglect. It wasn’t just enough to give us toys and clothes and stuff. She never connected with us (mostly me) and now I’m grown and she’s only just realized why I don’t go to her for things.
She passed away from cancer when I was young. I want to do everything I can to prevent dying at a young age, especially if I have kids.
I don’t fault her whatsoever.
She became helpless around men so that men could feel strong. She told me that any woman can open a jar of peanutbutter, but when a man is around, let him think he is needed.
Forget that crap!
I became strong and independent because of what she told me. I dont need any help, because I am not weak.
My mom was overly punitive. I would be in trouble constantly and grew up thinking u was a terrible kid.
Reality was that she was just stressed out and couldn’t take the energy to explain things to me (a kid with diagnosed adhd), so she’d just shut us down.
I grew up with high anxiety, low self-esteem, and people pleasing tenancies to the extreme. I will quite literally give my last bite of food to someone if I’m starving to avoid making someone upset. My first thought when something goes wrong is, “Oh no, what did I do?” Even when it had absolutely nothing to do with me. I am very kind and smart (3 degrees and working towards a phd), but I still have terrible imposter syndrome and assume I’m a terrible human being compared to everyone else.
Have a kid. Also put up with a husband who did fuck all at home for years. That one fucked up my own perception of what is acceptable in a relationship and what is not.
As a parent:
Expecting compliance 24/7/365 even into their adulthood. Your kids are individuals also & there comes a time when you need to start backing off.
Make them sacrifice their social life for blood relatives no matter what. Back in our parents’ days, kids catered to immediate family & friends were seen as low priority. My mom raised me this way also & she couldn’t figure out why i was as unhappy as I was. Kids *need* to be around other kids.
Unregulated emotions (she had a shit childhood), negative thinking, energy vampire
Forcing me to sit and finish my plate. While I do worry that my toddler isn’t eating enough (a few bites and she says she’s full) I want to teach her to listen to her body and not end up like I did.
She ate a few bites of chicken and broccoli lasagna last night, so I’m calling it a win.
My mother was a diagnosed narcissist. She died as a collapsed narcissist
Wouldn’t want to ever hurt anyone or make anyone miserable
She has never taken her health into her own hands. She has struggled with being overweight as long as I can remember. She has *never* exercised regularly or tried a lifestyle change. In the 80’s in her formative years, Dr’s would just hand you speed and boom your appetite was gone and like magic that extra 20-30lbs just fell off. Unfortunately that’s where her mindset has stayed for 40+ years. *Oh I don’t need to burn calories or eat better, I just need some magic pills that will make this go away!*
I bought her a FitBit a few years ago thinking if she had some way daily to track herself that she’d be better at setting goals and being realistic….she *struggled* to hit 2000 steps per day. It’s like she refuses to believe you have to burn calories. I even tried to get her to JUST do arm exercises while she watched tv at home-*ANY* thing to just MOVE more.
I work out 3-4 days a week, mountain bike, and just generally stay active because I have seen just how much it has destroyed her body to have that extra weight all these years-2 knee replacements, a hip replacement, and she’ll be having back surgery in a few weeks.
Treating her child (me) like a therapist or best friend. She would complain about my dad (who she was and still is married to) in front of me when I was as young as 10.
42 comments
Lost herself in her marriage with my dad. Her sole focus was my dad and us kids. She’s even admitted to doing it and has made steps to make sure she doesn’t do that in her current marriage.
Had kids when she couldn’t even take care of herself.
Have children.
Neglecting my brother and me after our Dad passed away. As an adult I recognize she was depressed but as a child the hunger and loneliness were awful. Thankfully an aunt took us in and gave us a safe place until we graduated high school.
Being a liar.
Parenting through fear
Spankings.
Let mental health issues go unchecked so long that no one in the family wants to associate with me.
Having four kids.
Having a baby (me) by a man who is actively married to another woman.
Having children
Put an unhealthy amount of focus into aesthetics and appearances, I’m in my late 20s now and she still thinks I have a similar style taste (I do not)
Being in a relationship with someone who yells.
She was never single. She never ended a relationship before getting into a new one. All of her marriages (except the first one) started with infidelity. She’s on #5.
She called me hurtful names when she was angry or frustrated
Belittle and make me feel not good enough and fight. I go to therapy for my anger and have found some healthy outlets. I will do anything to not be like her in the way she treated me
Raised a kid alone. I love her so much for her sacrifice and hard work, but doesn’t mean I want it for myself lol.
Beat the shit out of her kids and disappeared for days at a time because she was a drug addict POS.
Shamed me into silence. She was a truly great mother, but heavy into religion. Everything was black and white. Any aspect of grey I came across had to be explored in secret. I’ve always been in awe of families that just… share, openly about personal stuff.
I will not be teaching my children that their body size is the most important thing. or that it’s acceptable to talk about other peoples bodies.
My mum has been great but I’d like to take mental health more seriously for my future children.
when I was at my lowest self harming/suicidal I felt that she kinda just didn’t take it as seriously as she should have and did’t get me the help that i desperately needed.
By the time I managed to overcome it many years was wasted and I was left with horrendous anxiety. Decade later and I still struggle with my anxiety.
Try to control everything, and not understand that I am an adult and can handle things.
I want to be closer to her, but I can’t vent to her or tell her anything serious because I get a lecture on what I should do, what worked for her, and even lies about what she has heard work so that I do what she wants. It’s intense. If I tell her an issue, she then worries about and brings it up weeks later.
An example, I recently mentioned in passing that we needed to get passports for my husband and I and our kids because ours had expired, I think we were talking about international travel. She then told me she would pay for it because we really needed them. I declined the money because we have money and she currently doesn’t have a job. A few weeks later she asked if I had done it and I explained that it was on my list. She then called a week later and asked if we had any interest in visiting Niagara Falls. I told her sure, I’ve never been. She then said she would pay for us all to go but we had to go to the Canadian side because that was better….then asked if we got our passports yet. We have never talked about a trip there before, and we’ve only ever been on one other big family trip with her. She hasn’t brought it up since, she was just trying to rush me to get passports without telling me to get passports. It has absolutely zero to do with her, but she was relentless because she panicked in her head about us needing to flee the country. It’s exhausting.
When my kids are adults, I hope that I can listen, give advice when asked, but mostly just be there for venting and trust that they can handle it.
Making my child feel like just because I in theory “have it worse” that they can’t express their feelings and concerns.
Marrying a crap dude and having kids with him and letting him abuse her and her children for 16 years
Become an alcoholic
Too long of a list, but the root of it all could be putting everyone else’s needs first and seen my own as completely unworthy
Being hyper-critical of her daughter (me). I’m only realising now the influence it’s had on my negative self-talk and low confidence in adulthood. I don’t hold it against her though as I’ve worked through this in therapy and have a good relationship with her now!
Have children. Period.
Neglected herself because she puts everyone else’s needs above her own, often at the expense of her own health
The one thing I said I’d never repeat, I repeated it.
Choose a man like my father, I’ve been vary adamant about that since I was young that I’d never choose one that even slightly reminded me of him
Emotional neglect. It wasn’t just enough to give us toys and clothes and stuff. She never connected with us (mostly me) and now I’m grown and she’s only just realized why I don’t go to her for things.
She passed away from cancer when I was young. I want to do everything I can to prevent dying at a young age, especially if I have kids.
I don’t fault her whatsoever.
She became helpless around men so that men could feel strong. She told me that any woman can open a jar of peanutbutter, but when a man is around, let him think he is needed.
Forget that crap!
I became strong and independent because of what she told me. I dont need any help, because I am not weak.
My mom was overly punitive. I would be in trouble constantly and grew up thinking u was a terrible kid.
Reality was that she was just stressed out and couldn’t take the energy to explain things to me (a kid with diagnosed adhd), so she’d just shut us down.
I grew up with high anxiety, low self-esteem, and people pleasing tenancies to the extreme. I will quite literally give my last bite of food to someone if I’m starving to avoid making someone upset. My first thought when something goes wrong is, “Oh no, what did I do?” Even when it had absolutely nothing to do with me. I am very kind and smart (3 degrees and working towards a phd), but I still have terrible imposter syndrome and assume I’m a terrible human being compared to everyone else.
Have a kid. Also put up with a husband who did fuck all at home for years. That one fucked up my own perception of what is acceptable in a relationship and what is not.
As a parent:
Expecting compliance 24/7/365 even into their adulthood. Your kids are individuals also & there comes a time when you need to start backing off.
Make them sacrifice their social life for blood relatives no matter what. Back in our parents’ days, kids catered to immediate family & friends were seen as low priority. My mom raised me this way also & she couldn’t figure out why i was as unhappy as I was. Kids *need* to be around other kids.
Unregulated emotions (she had a shit childhood), negative thinking, energy vampire
Forcing me to sit and finish my plate. While I do worry that my toddler isn’t eating enough (a few bites and she says she’s full) I want to teach her to listen to her body and not end up like I did.
She ate a few bites of chicken and broccoli lasagna last night, so I’m calling it a win.
My mother was a diagnosed narcissist. She died as a collapsed narcissist
Wouldn’t want to ever hurt anyone or make anyone miserable
She has never taken her health into her own hands. She has struggled with being overweight as long as I can remember. She has *never* exercised regularly or tried a lifestyle change. In the 80’s in her formative years, Dr’s would just hand you speed and boom your appetite was gone and like magic that extra 20-30lbs just fell off. Unfortunately that’s where her mindset has stayed for 40+ years. *Oh I don’t need to burn calories or eat better, I just need some magic pills that will make this go away!*
I bought her a FitBit a few years ago thinking if she had some way daily to track herself that she’d be better at setting goals and being realistic….she *struggled* to hit 2000 steps per day. It’s like she refuses to believe you have to burn calories. I even tried to get her to JUST do arm exercises while she watched tv at home-*ANY* thing to just MOVE more.
I work out 3-4 days a week, mountain bike, and just generally stay active because I have seen just how much it has destroyed her body to have that extra weight all these years-2 knee replacements, a hip replacement, and she’ll be having back surgery in a few weeks.
Treating her child (me) like a therapist or best friend. She would complain about my dad (who she was and still is married to) in front of me when I was as young as 10.