I had been dating this guy for the last 3 months. He’s treated me very well. Gifts, thoughtful dates, acts of service, good communication, caring, etc. His actions always seemed to align with his words and he was so nice and consistent.
At about 6 weeks in, I told him I didn’t want to progress our physical intimacy further until I was in a committed relationship.
He seemed understanding of this, and agreed that he was also looking for a serious relationship.
A week or so later, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I told him I wanted to wait because there was still more I wanted to talk to him about regarding or compatibility and things like that. When we spent time together, it was always so fun and time just flew by. I didn’t feel the need to rush.
Fast forward to the last several weeks. Our connection felt stronger, more emotional intimacy, even starting to plan future trips together.
I wasn’t in town for Valentine’s Day. When I get back he comes over with flowers. He takes me to an expensive dinner and a thoughtful date planned for us the next day.
However, when it came to later that night after dinner we were in bed and I asked him how I felt about me. He said “I really like you”. I honestly was expecting a little more than that after what I felt were all these acts of love for me. The next morning, I bring up the topic of commitment and he says he just doesn’t feel ready due to work stress and still seeming to have issues from his ex. This confused me because he already was essentially exclusive and committed to me for the past 3 months. I understood his work stress, and to me that’s something that you work through with your partner as a team. We agreed to call it, and we both were emotional. Later that day he changed his mind but I could tell he was not confident. I told him to take some time to think about what he wants. I gave him space, but he quickly starts texting me again and planning the next time we’ll see each other. I call him, and ask him how he felt after the other day. He says he feels like he can’t commit right now and needs to take it really slow and get some professional help for all his work stress and past relationship stuff.
Maybe im just overthinking it, but how do you go from being on the same page to backing out? To saying you’re ready for a relationship and then being so unsure but still wanting to act like a couple? If he really didn’t like me I can’t imagine why he would be so good to me prior to all of this. Was he just hoping to eventually get sex and then bailed when he realized it wasn’t happening without commitment?
I’m planning on talking to him soon to get some closure. I just have never experienced like this and it’s left me feeling just so confused and blindsided.