I (29F) am new to Hinge and honestly this whole experience made me delete all my dating profiles. and NOT for the advertised reason. I have great experience with online dating, primarily Tinder. I’ve had maybe 5-6 flings from Tinder, all casual or short lived, and Im on good terms with every single person. Longer term or intense relationships have always been through IRL connections.
in December, after two or so months of swiping on Hinge and chit chatting with people, I actually followed through and went on a date with a guy (31M) I had been exchanging messages with for a few weeks on Hinge. We FaceTimed and instantly hit it off and had an amazing first date and decided to be exclusive day 1 (he initiated that). it was the week of Christmas and we spent a magical week together, he even came by on Christmas, and we had sex briefly twice and I had dinner with his family and talked to his mom on the phone. Yeah that whole week was constant texting, FaceTimes, sleepovers. EXTREMELY fast, and we talked about that. I had never moved that fast with anyone (never met anyone’s family tbh. I feel now like he took that from me.) he said that his past two girlfriends, it moved fast, so this is how he acts in relationships.
we were also super honest about past hookups or exes so I thought I could trust him.
anyways a week and a half later he freaks out at the pace, said we moved too fast, said it wasn’t anyone else or that he wants to swipe more, but he thinks we shouldn’t have sex right now but likes dates and cuddles, I say sex is important to me and we can go slow. he mentioned some sexual incompatibility and I said “we just met each other and barely had sex so it’s too soon to say, but we can either call it or try it.” So he said he wanted to try it. Two days later, he freaks out again, says we should just be friends. I said I’d have to cut him off because I liked him too much especially because he was my exclusive boyfriend for a week lol and then we stopped talking.
he has been 4 months out of the hospital for depression and didn’t have many friends so I felt a little bad, and he was so sweet so I reached out a week or so later and said I was open to be friends with the understanding that we might date other people but I don’t want to talk about it
so we tried to be friends but then he crossed a few boundaries asking pretty sexual questions, initiating flirting at night (like asking if I got a brazilian wax) and saying he wanted to cuddle. I told him that we would have to go to therapy or something or have a serious convo if we opened intimacy and we agreed on that, we hung out once a week or so and talked almost every day (I had to tell him to chill with good morning/good night texts because that feels situationshipy). At one point I had to leave a voice note and tell him that it’s not okay to flirt and then pull back and blame it on “alcohol” or ”the devil on my shoulder.” I told him I’m not a temptation or something bad to want. He insisted he was just approaching me as a friend and he didn’t want me to feel bad or like he was treating me like something bad to want.
so I was like ok cool this guy apologizes, he’s honest, he’s always there for me (like texted back within hours, made and followed up on plans, would buy me food, we would FaceTime a lot and on the phone)?so I’m willing to be his friend and also just be patient with him about dating stuff without pressuring it even tho the mixed signals were making me confused
3 weeks ago I ran into an excoworker of mine and we ended up having drinks and going to a rave and making out and he wanted to hook up but I paused because it would feel confusing if I slept with coworker while being in this situation with Hinge guy. So I told Coworker about Hinge guy (told him there’s someone I like who I take seriously but it’s moving slow) and I planned to ask Hinge guy where we were at because it didn’t make sense to limit my options while we were “just friends”
anyways, hinge guy had reached out because like I said we both had rough weeks and he said, again. He would like to cuddle and wished he was “okay with cuddling“. this was like the 4th time he had teased cuddling or mentioned wanting that with me and I was like “I’ve been saying I’m fine with us cuddling” So we decided to cuddle and he asked for a sleepover and we cuddled all night. (No kissing/sex). I didn’t bring up cowrker because this felt like a step towards a romantic relationship with Hinge guy, who I wanted, so I decided to just drop the situation with Coworker.
a week later, he wants to come over and cuddle and sleepover when we planned to hangout. So he’s here and we get food and then he was in my room making my bed Frame and then he was texting, usually he would have his phone like always out or show me his phone or tell me who he’s texting and it would make me nervous but I’d gotten to the point of trusting him so I tried not to panic but I did look and I’m so glad I did because HE WAS ON A HINGE CHAT IN MY ROOM… During our time together. Before a sleepover.
idc so much that he was on Hinge vs. doing it during our time together, in my room. like?? honestly I should have asked him to leave but I tried to be like “hey I see youre having a convo with someone On hinge. Can we talk about what this is?” and then we talked in circles and I told him about coworker (which he did not like) and then he said he wanted to be platonic but cuddle and spend time but I said that feels intimate and he agreed so we said we would do that, but see other people. But then I asked about sex and he said sex was off the table… and then proceeded to remove his shirt in bed and cuddle me. I cuddled for a bit but Tbh I moved away to my side of the bed and his snoring kept me up and I realized I wasn’t Into him anymore. Next morning I told him this wasn’t going to work. he tried to apologize a week later but it was super vague and didn’t even mention the disrespect of being on Hinge around me. He wanted to return books I gave him and I told him to keep them & I would be selling the clothes he gave me. The spell was broken, I felt so sad and like I don’t want to use Hinge anymore because it feels like the Situationship app. also I feel like this is probably his routine on Hinge… I can’t be the only one he’s done this to