So how do you start a conversation, what topics do you bring up when you first match? I try to act as if I already know the person and ask about their day but the guys never go into detail. Either the guys don't care enough or they don't know what to ask either lol.
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I used to try & bring up whatever was in their pics, or in their profile, or talk about my day & end with a question—& then hopefully the conversation will flow naturally.
I’d ask them questions about common interests on their profile – favourite bands or any concerts they have lined up, favourite spot to get coffee or X type of food, something about a craft or hobby, or books they’re reading.
I look at their profile and their prompts. There had to be a reason why I swiped on them, and it’s not all looks for me so their profile would have to say SOMETHING that I thought was interesting.
So for example, let’s say his profile said he’s into collecting vinyl records. I would message and say, “Hey! Your profile says you collect vinyls, that’s rad. What was the last album you picked up? I just found the newest Aquabats album at my local store last month – I should probably put that on tonight, now that I’ve mentioned it. Do you have any plans for the evening?”
I try and find out more about them, ask about the interests and hobbies they have listed on their profile, engage in conversation about some sort of common ground.
If “how was your day?” ever crops up in those early conversations, the match is dead. It means the conversation has dried up and there’s nothing else to say to each other, which can only spell disaster for actual dates.
I always tie it into something they put it on their profile. Either a photo or a prompt, especially if it is something we have in common. I try and have a question in there to open up the conversation and actually give them something to respond to
I used to attempt small talk before setting up a date back when I used apps. Realized it was just a giant waste of time and changed my approach to setting up dates almost immediately. Had way more success. Haven’t used apps in years tho.
I ask them if they’ve ever seen a ghost
I ask them about their AI side hustle
One steady convo leading with a joke or something interesting about their profile then I propose a place and time and give them my number. The “pen pal” fatigue is very real
Where do you live what do you do how old are your kid(s) any banter if they initiate otherwise set up date for some upcoming Saturday
You’ve got to individualize your openers like you’re talking to individual people, because you are.
Make complements on their profile; ask questions about things they’re clearly openly sharing about in their photos.
They guys don’t care enough?!
I found my partner through online dating but I used to always start by asking them how Hinge/Bumble has been treating them. I found it was a way to get someone to relax and talk about something they had probably thought a lot about. Plus it gives you an early indication if they are pissed off with the apps and had a negative frame of mind about dating and a really natural segue into what they are looking for