My gf [31F] is saying that our future together is showing the same patterns as her past relationships and she can't face doing it again, this happened after I let my family come inside our new home together without telling her about it and she sees it as manipulative and behind her back, I didn't think it was as bad as something to break up over and now, and now we're barely talking and she's showing little to no affection and treating me like a roomate, I've been super depressed for the last 3 days and can barely eat or sleep, I don't know what to do, we've been together for 1 1/2 years and I thought everything was going good until now, any advice would be appreciated?
13 comments
You let your family into your house, and your GF is throwing a tantrum over that? Seriously WTF. The good news: you now know she’s batshit crazy, and you can walk away with dignity.
Your family just visited you for an hour or so, or you let them move in? If it’s the former your girlfriend is bonkers
Apologise. Mean it. Own up to the fact that you were wrong and make sure never to do it again.
Also try some introspective thinking: do you not only see her as your equal but do you treat her accordingly? Are there other ways you behave that give vibes of “my life/house” and “our life/house”?
I think you need to have a serious conversation with her. Let her know that you can’t maintain a relationship with someone who won’t talk to you when something upsets them. If she refuses to talk, there’s nothing else you can do.
If she’s open to talking, ask her more about that past relationship. Ask her why this felt like a betrayal and how she would’ve preferred you handle it. But also make it clear that you’re not going to be punished for the crimes of her previous partner
I mean it shouldn’t be a big deal but I also would want to know who is walking into my house. I would get some lnfo on her dating history to see if her reaction is valid or not
She’s obviously got issues that aren’t your issues. Dump this chick before she makes your life even more miserable.
You’re the one that should get angry. It’s your place too! You should be able to bring family there if you want to. Maybe you can come to some agreements, but now she is being uncompromising, using threat of relationship ending, comparing you to her ex (big red flag).
So be angry, tell her why you are angry. Now you are both angry. Good.
Then wait and see if she’ll come around and if she wants to work this out with you.
If you go apologising to her for this, then this will be the pattern for the rest of your relationship. Terrible dynamic to have. Don’t walk on egg shells, don’t apologise for something you don’t think is wrong just because she is threatening your relationship etc. Stand you ground and see if she has the sense to come around. If she doesn’t, is this really someone you want to be with?
This whole situation, sounds more like reasons for YOU to break up with her, rather than reasons for her to break up with you.
This is classic TikTok University advice. A 31yr old woman who thinks and behaves this way is honestly a waste of time and effort.
It’s hard to understand what’s at issue since you don’t explain why you didn’t let her know your family was going to visit, who exactly came and how many, how long they stayed, whether the visit was problematic in any other way, what sort of relationship she has with your family, or why she sees your behavior as manipulative. The way you tell the story, she would seem to be in the wrong and sounds like a bad partner; I can’t help but wonder what her side of the story would look like.
As you tell the story, she is badly overreacting to a non-issue, sees you as a bad guy, is unable or unwilling to communicate with you about the problem, and has a history of this sort of trouble. That’s not a partner to stick with.
Guests in a shared home is a “two yes, one no” question. You didn’t ask your gf, you didn’t even give her a heads up, apparently. Is your family toxic? What about your mom? Who cooks / entertains / cleans up after your family? If your disregard for her opinion and labor is a systemic issue, it’s perfectly fine for her to break up with you over it.
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I think we really need more detail here.
Did your family stop by for a coffee while she was out? She may be bonkers.
Did they come in the evening, expecting dinner and company while she just came from work and trying to relax? Well, then, she is totally right.
Was it something in between these two extremes? What were the circumstances?
what exactly happened? Was she home when you had them over, were the two of you supposed to go see the new place together and you went with your family first? There are no actual details here about the circumstances under which you had people over to your new place without telling her.