I have been with my boyfriend (M49) for a year and a half. Previously, I was in a 2 year relationship, and before that, was married for more than 20 years when my spouse passed away.
My husband never wanted to marry me, he felt like he had to because I was pregnant. Yes, we loved each other, but he said several times he felt trapped and wouldn’t have made the choice otherwise.
My first relationship after him was with someone who said at the beginning that he was not opposed to marriage if the timing was right. After a year and a half, he said he was not interested in being married again. Had nothing to do with me he said, just didn’t feel the need to, he said he could love me without being married.
My current relationship, I said at the beginning, on our 3rd date, that marriage is important to me. He said he didn’t have any problem with marriage. Now here we are a year and a half later and now he says he never wants to be married. He wants to spend his life with me, but not as my husband.
What is wrong with me? I feel like I’m a great partner, I’ve been told that I make the person I’m with feel like a million bucks. So why doesn’t anyone want to marry me? Why do I feel Ike I make it clear at the beginning and they aren’t opposed and then after time, they change their minds? Neither of my last two relationships wanted to break up. My last BF still tells me he should have married me, but I’m no longer interested. I love my current boyfriend, but I just feel defeated.
I either have to give him up and start over, or give up a future that is important to me. I will never, ever know what it feels like to have the man that I love love me SO MUCH that he can’t imagine life without me as his wife. I will never know what it feels like to have someone I love choose me, propose for no other reason than he wants to spend the rest of his life married to me.
Either decision feels like a loss, but now I have to spend every day trying not to focus on everything to do with being married. Friends are engaged, I have to smile through tears for them, and I really am happy for them but my heart hurts. I imagine women who can’t have children feel similar.
I just want to love and be loved and I’ve had a string of really shitty situations that make me feel like maybe it’s not meant for me. Maybe I’m not supposed to experience that kind of love. Maybe I should just be alone.
If you love a woman, what would make you want to live with her and spend your life with her but not marry her? Has anyone ever changed their mind about this? Don’t people usually know early on that they want to marry someone? What makes a woman not marriage worthy?