(42f)
I am getting so disappointed and truly giving up on the dream of having a partner.
The last few weeks I have been seeing a man i use to date back in 2013. There were red flags then and there are now. But I get a little lonely and definitely get bored. He had contacted me and wanted to date again. So ok. I tried. And yeah… there are so many red flags. He drinks way too much. Irresponsible with money and bills. Sketchy family dynamics. Ive caught him in couple little lies already.
But the biggest red flags are… he gets really* touchy and moody. We will be having a good time, then boom. He gets upset over something I say or do. Especially when drunk but its there even when he is sober.
Other night, I rolled over in the bed and readjusted my pillow. The very edge of it barely touched his face. It didnt slap him and I moved it, said "oh sorry". He still snapped at me over it. Earlier that night, we were stepping outside, and I had a shot glass in my hand. It dribbled a little down my finger. He swore I had spilled it on the floor. But I didnt. Only few drops went down side of my finger. Shot glass was still full. He got upset and said I was calling him a liar. Then he went over to the floor by the door, wiped his hand on the floor and smeared it down my arm, and said "see?". It was raining very badly that night prior, and he wiped his hand literally right on the area which would get rained on. I found this quite degrading.
And now, last night.. we were talking good on the phone. Laughing. I just wanted to know more about him and his dating history since we last dated years ago. So I mentioned I seen he had put he was in a relationship just back in August. I was wondering because he had said his last relationship ended well over a year ago. So timeliness weren't adding up. I didnt say that to him though. I just said I got nosey and looked at his page. I was being giggly about it. Not abrasive or confrontational at all. Just ask who he was dating in August. But… he got really mad. 😞 He said that maybe his ex hacked his account and did it.. then called me weird and "creepy" for checking out his facebook. Wtf? That "creepy" remark has really put me off.
There are few other times he has snapped at me too. Just in this last month. I am finding myself apologizing already for stuff I should not be apologizing for. I thought maybe I would wake up to an apology from him today. Nope.
For context on my dating history: I was seeing another guy last year whom I REALLY liked. I was falling in love with him. Which isnt common for me. We got very close. His temperament was MUCH kinder. But of course.. he pushed me away. I found out he was on blow AND dating others while we were together. Which he had lied about.
I briefly dated yet another guy from Sept-Nov 2025. (All these men want me first by the way. Its either through fb or in person. Some of them tried getting me for several months before I give in too. Just saying.) Anyhow.. we were having fun. Got along good. But he also drinks far too much and he ghosted me literally out of nowhere. Nothing negative happened. Just poof. Gone. Completely ignored my last 2 messages to him. Even last one where I said its ok for us to just be friends if he was feeling pressure because he didnt answer me for a week. With this guy.. all I can reason as to why he disappeared.. is he felt ashamed because he is having s3xual issues. And I did mention once or twice that he might want to slow down on drinking because he shakes so badly when he wakes up. I was very nice when I said it.
In 2024, my 8 year relationship ended because he had grown very prideful AND lustful. He left me right as my poor Mother was getting very ill too. She ended up passing away. She was always so kind to him. Trusted him with me. But oh..he is happily moving on. Not a care in the world. Him and I are on good terms. But his past cruelty does ring in the back of my mind sometimes. I am far too easy going/forgiving with partners. The reality is in those last 2-3 years of our "love"… he did engage in cheating behavior. Lie to me profusely. Verbally and financially abuse me. Then left right when I needed someone the most. I am starting to face the reality that he just wasnt a good person and much of the relationship was a lie.
But yeah so.. lol.. I am just losing hope. I was ok on giving up and finding peace in being single until this guy came back around very recently. Thought I would try again. Started getting use to having company again. But each time I put my heart back out there… I get a reminder on why I am going to have to just give up. People can be quite cruel and unpredictable.
Edit: please understand that most people will not let you know they have addictions until you've been around them for awhile. The guy I had been seeing recently, yes, I knew he had some issues. I was absolutely aware and I made sure to mention it here. But the other men? No i did not know. I only found out later on.
I try to understand people I care about. I will ask them to slow down or quit. Knowing they probably wont. Then I leave or if they ghost.. it sucks but I am not deeply sad by it. Just disappointed.
There're people trying to blame me. No. I am incredibly level headed. I will not take blame for most of the population if human beings having addiction issues. You ever heard of ppl hiding addictions? Even from family members? It happens everyday. They can certainly hide it from someone they are casually dating for a couple months.