Throwaway account because some of my friends use Reddit too
I’ve (19F) been with my boyfriend (19M) for about a year. Over time, I’ve noticed that he frequently criticizes small things I do and turns them into arguments. It can be about how I text, my tone, my reactions, or minor misunderstandings. Normal conversations often escalate into debates where I feel picked apart rather than just having a regular discussion.
When I try to explain how I feel, he tells me I’m too sensitive or dramatic or that I’m creating problems. Sometimes the conversation flips and I end up apologizing just to stop the argument even when I didn’t start anything. If I stay quiet to avoid conflict, he assumes I have an attitude. If I speak up, it usually turns into another argument. It feels like there’s no safe way to communicate without escalation.
This constant stress is starting to affect me physically. I’ve been experiencing headaches, trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, and a tense feeling in my body. I also feel anxious or nauseous when I anticipate conflict with him. I’ve noticed I’m not acting like myself anymore. I feel mentally drained and anxious almost every day.
He's not always like this and can be kind at times which makes me question whether I’m overreacting. But the cycle of criticism is argument then stress then temporary calm then repeat is just wearing me down. I want to communicate my feelings and set boundaries but whenever I try, it seems to escalate into another argument.
All I ask for is guidance on how to set and communicate boundaries with my boyfriend about constant criticism and arguments in a way that is more likely to be heard without escalating into conflict. Do I have plans or processes I could follow within these conversations to clarify how his behavior is affecting my safety and well-being?
TL;DR: My boyfriend frequently criticizes me and turns small things into arguments. The stress is starting to affect me physically. I’m seeking advice on how to express my boundaries and the impact of his behavior without triggering more conflict.