Me (19M) & my partner (20M) is in a LDR relationship, and I'm back home for a month (it has been three weeks though, so we're going LDR again)
I’m really stuck and need honest outside opinions on whether I should keep this relationship going. I have anxious attachment, and I’ve been struggling a lot with how our dynamic works. I’m defo ok with long-distance as we can both focus on our own lives, study, and do our separate things. But my real need is simple: like when I'm back to the same city (we live about 30 mins apart), I want regular, normal time with each other, even if it’s just short, consistent meetups. I don’t want to feel like I’m only part of some future plan, as it's what he prefers.
My partner is neurodivergent (AuDHD), and he’s extremely focused on his studies and his future, to the point where it’s like a tunnel vision. He’s told me he’s always been this way, even back in high school, he’d turn down his friends all the time because he couldn’t make time for anyone. He genuinely can’t shift his priorities right now. We talked recently about how I need more time together when I’m around, and he said that his studies and future will always come first, and he truly can’t make space for more frequent time together. Because there's one instance that when we were out, I made a scene when he had to go early as he was tired (cuz we promised 12pm – 8pm and he wanted to go at 6:30pm after dinner). So he said he's afraid that will happen again if we go out, as he can't overstay and if he go out alone instead he doesn't have to consider other's feeling.
I respect his goals and I don’t want to change him, but I just can’t wrap my head around how someone can have absolutely no time for their partner. Right now, I just feel kinda lonely since I came back and my anxiety keeps getting worse. I don’t want to blame either of us, we’re just built differently ig. But I really don’t know if different means we can compromise, or if this will only keep hurting the rs long-term.
TL;DR –
I (19M, anxious attachment) am in an LDR with my partner (20M, AuDHD). I’m fine with long distance, but when I’m back in the same city (we live 30 mins apart), I want consistent, even short, regular time together. He’s extremely focused on his studies/future and says that will always be his top priority, and he genuinely can’t make more space right now. I respect his goals and don’t want to change him, but I feel lonely and unprioritised when I’m here. We’ve had tension before when I got upset about him leaving early, and now he’s hesitant about spending longer time together. Neither of us are trying to hurt the other, but I’m starting to wonder if we’re just incompatible long-term.