This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Im gonna prioritise my mental health before dating again I think. Its for the best. Going to these singles events and getting ghosted after is really impacting me.
Yall. The guy I’ve been hanging out with told me this morning that he’s undocumented, and also that his roommate is his ex girlfriend. They broke up a year ago. He said while he knows this started as a hook up he’s developing some feelings and needed to come clean. It’s only been a month.
Opposite sex roommates are common, and I’m not gonna ask a Mexican guy who works at a restaurant if he’s here legally…. like that would be so fucking racist.
It really ruined my peaceful Sunday lol, I was just trying to have a cute sexy night with someone I’ve grown to trust and woke up to this bomb. I don’t even know how to react because I wasn’t planning on him being my boyfriend but it has been pretty great hanging out.
Am I broken, or is it really this hard to connect?
Context: 33m, divorced. I was with my ex-wife from 18 to 30, so I had to learn how to date in my 30s and have no idea what normal is.
In the nearly 3 years since the separation, I’ve been on plenty of dates, and 2 relationships that didn’t pan out. The thing is, those two are the only time I’ve really felt any sort of connection.
Most of the women I’ve dated have been perfectly lovely; nothing *wrong* with them per se. But I just don’t feel anything. I’m giving it a solid effort, and going out a few times (sometimes seeing each other for up to 6 weeks). It’s just… empty.
Is this normal? Is a real connection so rare, or is it something wrong with me? I know not to expect fireworks from the outset, but surely there should be some spark, or chemistry, or whatever you want to call it?
That woman you know who’s fairly cute and is very kind / playful / passionate / has interesting hobbies etc. but is introverted and constantly has guys end things with her. What from your perspective is the reason in these cases? Maybe too quiet? Maybe not consistently cute?
Okay. After undergoing all 5 stages of grief, I realized that I may have screwed up by going way too fast on someone who is clearly way too busy and would probably appreciate going a little slower. I just hate it that I always make character development levels of mistakes when it matters.
So something I learned is to keep my dam enthusiasm in check and go slower next time. But godsdamned, I would be lying if I said that I wouldn’t want a second chance right now. Pretty unlikely but I hope the universe does provide a second chance at some point HOLY. Might be time to take a break too
The stand out bio of the day, at least he’s honest: “Not emotionally available but do seek someone to text for now and go from there. In a codependent / caregiving living situation with my senior father. Unemployed and riding an e-bike. Stream on Twitch in my free time which as previously mentioned is all of it currently. Cannabis is a daily medicine for me.
Suh?”
Well – never ended up asking yesterday about the date. Did text all day until the convo ended. Idk, he could have replied and chose not to, but I guess it was nothing that needed responded to Doesn’t matter though. Yesterday’s conversation was totally different- total slow fade material compared to earlier in the week. I decided that Monday night I’m gonna jump right to the point and say “hey – just wanted to confirm if we are on for Saturday?” And see what he says. Doing it tomorrow because I have therapy Tuesday. So will be able to process the response or non response (I don’t think this will happen he’s never not replied to a question). But I’m assuming this is done now, but I need my own clarity in the date. It’s for me, not him. I feel good having a plan, but it hurts so much that he just can’t tell me he’s not interested anymore.
I was widowed at 30. My dating life has been so-so in the 3 years since she passed. I’ve dated a few people, but nothing that has stuck. I met a travel nurse in like December, who I went out with, then she moved home like a month later. I thought I would never see her again, but she just got another contract in my city and moved back. We went out last night and I had a great night. We have conversations that have depth, and she shows such genuine curiosity about knowing who I am. It feels good to be appreciated for who I am instead of someone just trying to piece together how I would fit in their life, and whether or not I check some boxes. I know it’s temporary, but it feels really nice.
So I think I’ve hit a stage of dating where I no longer am dating in the hopes of finding “the one” or even a life partner. I am still selective and am refining my standards to the height I would like them at but overall, I think it’s main just been disappointing goal to have. Especially in this day in age. It’s an all or nothing mentality that has only led to my deepest romantic disappointments.
I now want to focus on healthy, respectful people who enjoy my time and look forward to seeing me. If something more comes of them, I can evaluate as needed but there is still love and connections to be had beyond a final destination.
Is anyone else feeling this way or dates from this perspective?
Is anyone else here also in a new, healthy relationship and also can’t quite believe that nothing has gone wrong yet?
Met this guy this week…34F 31M. Soooo… I ended up visiting my hometown last minute due to an emergency. While taking care of house duties, I met this guy outside of my house. Without trying I thought this guy was instantly cute! Anyway, I asked him about his job and how he got into it. He gave me his number incase I had questions regard the job he just did at my house. Which honestly, I didn’t need it but took it down. I eventually just texted him saying he was cute. Just so happens he had time off scheduled and we went on two dates, two days in a row. Drinks the first night, movies the second. I do live 4 hours away but I visit often. I thought we had great chemistry; lots in common like music, politics, and just the way of living. We did hook up and it was great. Surely it’s last minute. Not trying to rush. But he already thinks it won’t work because I live too far, doesn’t want to lead me on, not ready for anything serious… he says we can keep talking but doesn’t think it’ll work either way. Kinda bummed but damn, not worth trying?
Being an over-thinker and not being able to let things go easily has fucked my mental, summer day and joy since Thursday.
Last night I baked 2 batches of scones for my boyfriend’s farewell morning tea at his work. Both turn out horrible, and I can’t figure out why. Ended up making 2 batches of chocolate chip cookies, and they turned out nicely. Thank God at least something works. Otherwise, I will be sleeping in tears.
Fast-forward to the farewell morning tea. I met a few new colleagues, and some I had met before. The cultural team actually wrote a song for me and gave me a present as a support person. Again, your girl got teary eyes. Everyone made me feel so welcome even though I’m only here on his last day.
Aaaaaand mid-session, got the email from the job interview I did last week (clue: I think I screwed up), asking for the reference check and a psychometric test.
My face went from (x_x) to (OwO)
Slow burn or slow fade??
I’ve been talking to a guy long-distance for about three months. We met on Hinge while I was traveling in Europe. The connection has been warm, flirty, emotionally and sexually intimate, and consistent overall. We haven’t met in person yet, but we’ve built a strong rapport and had ongoing communication. We have both admitted that this feels rare and we want to enjoy it as much as possible.
Recently, we set tentative plans to meet in person when I’m in Europe. Ever since confirming the date, his energy has slightly shifted. He hasn’t disappeared or cancelled, but the tone feels more contained and less enthusiastic than before.
He still:
• Watches and likes my stories
• Engages lightly
• Hasn’t backed out of meeting
But:
• He’s not escalating conversation
• He hasn’t provided concrete logistics yet (time/place)
• The emotional intensity has cooled
I’ve stayed composed and haven’t chased. I haven’t double-texted or pressured him. I’ve been warm but contained.
Now I’m trying to figure out:
• Is this normal recalibration before a first in-person meeting?
• Is this slow burn energy?
• Or is this early signs of a fade?
I’m also noticing my own attachment pattern:
When contact lowers, I start scanning for signs and feel anxious. When I regulate, I detach quickly and lose attraction.
I want clarity without overpursuing.
I don’t want to self-sabotage something healthy.
But I also don’t want to ignore subtle signs of lukewarm behavior. I also don’t want to pack for a date that may not happen.
I feel like I’m thinking too hard when it comes to planning dates. Whenever we agree on a time, I’m always scrambling on online event pages to see what we can do. What are some always-good date ideas? I’m only on date #2
34F. I had plans with a guy last night and he ghosted. We had talked earlier in the morning and he was all for it. Didn’t hear from him during the day so messaged him to ask if he was still good for the night and no response. Saw that he was active on his socials during the day. Went out for my friend’s birthday and deleted him from everything at midnight (other friend held me accountable for not staring at my phone and waiting). I don’t have time to waste and it’s so annoying. I’m just at the point like why do I bother? I’m frustrated but sad and my heart hurts. I really just want to cry because it’s embarrassing. I know it sounds really stupid but I rarely get a free night because I always have my kids and I am just lonely. I miss having someone there, even if it’s just for one night
I feel like I struck gold with the guy I’m seeing. He is unlike anyone I have met before and I’m beginning to really like him. I’m not ready to define the relationship quite yet but it’s getting there soon.
There’s this woman at my job that I’ve been wanting to talk to for a while, but we mostly worked different shifts, so I didn’t see her a whole lot. She’s kind, polite, and had such a cute smile and disposition about her.
We’ve had brief talks, but never an extended conversation. Yesterday, we had that extended conversation. She initiated it really, and I saw my chance to open things up and get to know her.
Before we had to return to our work, I got her IG. I DM’ed her later in the day when I had time, and we talked very briefly about travel, and I thought things were going okay.
I sent the last message around this time last night, and she still hasn’t responded.
I mean, I know it’s only a day, and maybe she’s busy, but if it holds, this would make it the third time I’ve been ghosted on IG by someone I thought had some interest in me. I’d given up looking for someone, and I thought the aforementioned was happenstance, but it was just another delayed rejection. Oh well.
Would you date a guy who tells you he is insecure?
I met the woman that could be dating my friend who I have feelings for.
I don’t know if they’re dating or not, she wasn’t introduced as such, but I do get the feeling that he is interested in her. They walked off together and were hanging out. I really want to spend one on one time with him and maybe even tell him how I feel, but the lack of knowing whether he is dating is making it really hard to even want to reach out.
Went out for dinner and drinks with a couple awesome 40F newer friends over the weekend including the one who asked me out for coffee 1:1 recently who I hope might like me. Regretfully I got sick last week so had to reschedule our coffee date(?) to another time but reassured her I was looking forward to it and still want to and only canceled due to not wanting to get her sick and she was cool/understanding about it. She reached out since dinner with a new restaurant rec she wants to check out with me so that sounds promising. Hate this stupid snow and hope it goes away ASAP and we don’t get any more after this since it makes planning stuff iffy.
Last weekend, someone stole – and later returned – the flowers that my fiancé sent me. Fiancé tried very hard to get the florist to bring a replacement arrangement prior to the OG flowers being returned to me, and when they reappeared, he told the florist all was well, whoever stole them ended up returning them, no need to bring a replacement bouquet.
Today, the florist sent a brand new arrangement, complete with the exact same message as last weekend printed on the card lol. So…yay, bonus flowers!!
On a totally unrelated note: when the couple who lives in the apartment above us starts yelling at each other, which is often, I practice playing Moonlight Sonata on the piano (digital piano / keyboard).
I’m getting really, really good at playing it.
I wonder if they’ve realized yet their fights have a soundtrack.
I been in prison a long time. I paid my debt to society. I am a changed man. Can someone change and be a productive citizen again or is popular opinion that we should remain an outcast. I am trying to restart my life from scratch
So I am a little over a year into having super interesting frames for my glasses. I have had some interesting ones over the years, but I have upgraded to the next level of frames.
Of course an added benefit, if I have on a grubby outfit and cool glasses I look semi put together.
And let me tell you, the people who comment on my frames are sooo much cooler than the people who would chat me up when I had more typical frames. Men and women. And way more people.
It is crazy. My friends have also noticed they are like whoa your glasses really attract so much attention. I think it ends up working on a few levels:
– I am a little more memorable in a crowd (oh it is the lady over there with the fun frames)
– it is a really simple icebreaker, that doesn’t feel sketchy to comment on.
– it also opens up an obvious line of conversation that is not too personal but can give you stuff to dig in deeper too
————————-
This feels like a nice helper to unlocking more IRL dating opportunities. 🤓😎😆
Another day, another convo that turned sexual. I know that I probably sound like a broken record at this point.
I was really excited about this one, though. He’s not a guy I would typically go for, but his opening message to me was interesting and I fired back, and we had some really fun back and forth. Then, he says that he’s really good at sexting… (like, what the fuck?).
So, instead of unmatching right away, I asked if that’s what he wants with me, someone to sext? He said no, he’s looking to date and then something about not always being able to balance interest vs attraction. During this whole conversation he had been telling me indirectly how interesting I am based on stuff I have on my profile and that I’m funny. He did also comment on physical things and how he likes my voice (I have a voice prompt up), so I was a little confused. I then said if both can’t exist at the same time?
He said this: “lol I see interest as “ I want to get to know you better” whereas attraction is “you’re arousing”. Right now, they’re about even but I let one do more of the talking. I didn’t mean to do that. I should let interest do more of the talking. At least, I feel that’s a better idea“.
Mhm… (🙄)
It just makes me really sad. If they find me interesting, funny, and attractive, why don’t they want to date me? This was a lot easier last time I was on the apps, I wasn’t prepared for this shit.
Had a second date today. The guy told me I came off as “guarded” and mentioned it could be from past trauma or abuse. Honestly the whole thing rubbed me the wrong way. I’m not sure how to handle it, especially since he told me that *after* I shared some very sensitive parts about my past.
… Why do I feel like I just had an awful therapy session?
I saw the guy I went on a date with last night today at the monthly event we met at. He came and sat by me and we talked the whole time.
I fear my crush is escalating at a dramatic rate but I can also acknowledge that maybe I’m just super excited. Absolutely not expressing this to him yet. I have no idea what the plan is with either of us but he seems to be acting very intentional.
My plan was to be single for at least three months since my last breakup and I still have a little less than two months to go.
I’m torn because I’m also seeing someone else and we will go on a fourth date soon. But if I’m being completely honest I’m so much more into the guy I saw last night. But I still really like the other guy.
There is a person I committed plans with I’m seeing next week but I’ll probably end things to focus on the two people I’m seeing. I’m also pausing all of my apps tomorrow.
Have you ever had to decide between two people? If you have what were the factors that went into the decision process? How long did you see both people before deciding on one?