My bf and I have been together for a year now. But sometimes I keep thinking about if he is the one for me.
He is kind. We laugh so much together but sometimes I just feel… weird. Is that normal? Sometimes I feel like I hate him. But believe me, I love him. But you know, love is curiosity… Wait, let me talk about me.
I‘m pretty artsy. I love creativity. Literature, film, art, languages, especially photography and poetry. I always have a creative mind. I think of stories and poems and art. I wasn‘t really interested in having a boyfriend. I mean I like romance content. But I just wouldn‘t want a bf yet. But, we met, I liked him, he liked me and we got together. There is this weird thing that happened. I lost… something. I‘m not sure what it is. Myself? My creativity? I don‘t know. But I lost something. I feel like time is flying by and I‘m waiting for something. I‘m waiting for myself to return. Maybe it‘s because he isn‘t like me. I once told him that we are not much alike when it comes to our interests. He agreed, telling me that it‘s good to have a partner who is different, since it apparently makes life more interesting. But I feel misunderstood. He doesn‘t get me. He doesn‘t get my poems. And speaking of poems, I just can‘t write anymore. I can‘t think of poems. Since he is in my life, I lost my ability to write. My guess is, that my creativity got its energy from the unknown future but since I‘m planning a future with someone, it left me. (Just a guess; I don’t really know (hence I‘m writing this)). I feel sad. I love languages. One of his biggest weaknesses is language (all). I love art. He can‘t make art. He loves sports and finances.
Big but! He loves me. He deeply loves me. He treats me well (although we do fight sometimes). He bought me so many things. He wrote so many love letters for me. He does love me, but, is he interested in me?
Something I‘d like to add. I sometimes forget that I have him in my life. I watch or see a romance movie/show/series. And I think about a man. Not a specific guy. But my “dream man“. Am I the problem? Am I a bad girlfriend? Do I not love him like he loves me? What is going on? Is this love?