I (26yr F) have been talking to this guy for a while and we’ve been going back and forth for a few years but nothing really sexual ever happened. For the last few months however, things kinda got serious and we’ve been talking about body preferences a little bit and i discovered he is a huge ass guy.
The thing is nothing sexual whatsoever happened, no nudes no sexting no touching nothing, he simply would make insinuations that he likes that body part a lot and never really went further than that as he “respects me too much to talk about this right now”. The thing is i know for a fact he wants me, i literally saw it but he never made a move.
My problem is i secretly have an ass fetish of sorts so i get turned on by people liking my ass (which has been an insecurity of mine bc i feel like it’s too big and struggled with body image bc of it) so whenever he talks about it or i catch him staring at me i have this urge to jump on him but i feel like if i do that he will run away. I’m also aware that my kink for butt things could scare him in a way as i feel like he does not know how much i’m into it. So how do i make myself clear to him without scaring him? 😭
26 comments
Hi OP,
is there a reason why you haven’t considered sitting down and talking to him? 🙂 Or, failing that, send him this post?
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Point blank, snatch him up in a kiss and place his hand where you want it. Some men are REALLY EFFING DENSE!
If only my current gf had snatched me up many moons ago…
“Wanna make out?”
You’d be surprised how oblivious men can be :p
Maybe you should escalate things gradually if he doesn’t make the first move do it yourself. You guys like each other you know it
Just send him a solid ass shot/selfie and say, “when can we see each other?” If he isn’t ready to make a move and go at that point, you’re barking up the wrong tree.
“You like my ass? I secretly have a fetish for that.”
My guess is that he may be thinking the same thing, may just come right out and ask him. It will either work or it won’t, but at least the ice will be broken for both of you. It’s better than both of you wondering if you’re both waiting for the other one to make the first move.
Sounds like you are younger, maybe a teenager. Teenage boys can be complex to navigate. They are swimming in a very complex social environment where one false step and they’ll get shamed by their peers and the opposite sex crowd. Layer on religious environments and it’s a miracle we ever get bold enough to ask a girl out.
My suggestion: be very, very direct. Find a way to be alone with him. Tell him something like: “I really like you. I want you. I want you to kiss me. Come kiss me.”
I don’t recommend focusing on this ass thing. That has high potential to shorten the duration of the relationship (for example, once the fantasy turns into reality, it might not be as fulfilling as you imagine, or you might find that you are both just looking for common ground etc.)
Just say, “When you look at my ass like that I want you to…” followed by a detailed and graphic description of what you want. Don’t hold back. I think I’ve been that guy, and knowing exactly what I have consent to do is very freeing. Good luck!
send him “Do you like my butt”
thats it. you’ll live.
Assume he finds you physically desirable. There are two common reasons why a guy might not make a move: (1) he’s in a relationship with somebody else, or (2) he doesn’t perceive that you would be receptive. If you known it’s not 1, then it’s likely 2. You said you have been friends with him for quite some time. A guy who feels friend-zoned and who is respectful won’t step over that boundary unless you bash him over the head with the fact that you’re feening.
My first kiss had this problem with me. She had a great solution.
We were making out, and she looked me in the eye and said with despiration in her voice “you know, you ARE allowed to touch me”. Her tone made “you are allowed to” sound like “I really need you to”. She got her wish pretty much immediately despite how overly/shyly respectful I was being.
Wow, I too have an ass fetish where I like when guys admire my ass. I’m not big or anything, but I have a firm round butt after a lot of squats over the years. It was necessary because in HS I was a little chubbier.
Anyways, you tell him by just doing it. You tell him straight out, you want him. Why beat around the bush. Life is short, go for it. You have nothing to lose. We all go through embarrassment and rejections our entire lives, you love on from it. Just go for it, tell him he can have your ass.
“hey since ya told me that you really like ass, could you tell me what you think of mine?, I’m a little self conscious about it and would be great to get a guy that’s really into ass perspective” send him that.
Just sit on his lap and talk about the first thing that pops up
“respects me too much to talk about this right now” – this could be a red flag. It’s giving “women who sleep on first dates are whores.” What’s the nature of your relationship? Have you even met irl? How well do you know this guy? Have you asked him what he’s looking for? Does that align with what you are looking for?
Hate to say it there’s no magic bullet. Just talk to him about your feelings.
Man are clueless today. These men of today don’t know how to read the room.
I’ve always been cautiously respectful with women. Including my wife. On our fifth date, she snuggled up close to me in the restaurant & whispered, “My titties really need some attention & my ass needs some squeezes, when we get back to my place, will you come in & take care of those needs?”. It definitely gave me ‘permission’ to get intimate!
It’s been going on for a few years? Be frank with him. Tell him you’re into him and want to pursue it. Bashful stopped being an excuse years ago.
I agree with the “be bold” crowd! As a guy I can attest to the fact that there are plenty of times we can be more oblivious to someone flirting with us than you could possibly imagine. And if he’s young, no matter what you say, he could be deathly afraid of rejection. The poor guy probably feels he’s stuck in the friend zone.
My wife and I worked together. I liked her, but thought we were too different to date. I found out how she felt when one happy day I received an anonymous “I want your body” card in the mail. And even then, I thought, no way was she the one to send it! 😀 She finally had to ask me if I received the card. Of course by then, I was all in for full steam ahead!
I can only imagine how many signals she sent that went right over my head! She finally was so frustrated she had to send me a card and spell it out in black and white!
But don’t just ask him, do something. Again be bold! Long before I met my wife a woman that I was close friends with was visiting from out of town, got into my bed naked and told me to jump in!
And your butt fetish should probably be revealed to him slowly, very slowly – like weeks or even a few months. 😉 If he’s nervous, give him time to adjust to your butt interests! I’m sure he will eventually come along.
Best of luck and most importantly have fun!
He’s interested. You’re interested. Don’t be bashful, especially when a mutual special interest is clear.
He is likely holding off as he fears alienating you.
The advice “Wanna make out” is the ice-breaker. Then clamber on top of him on the couch and use “Feel my ass” next, maybe while letting him motor-boat.
Imagine how the world could be if adults would fucking communicate.
Us men are dumb, and are completely oblivious. I was good friends with a girl for a few years, she came over one night to watch a movie with me, the opening credits hadn’t finished before she jumped on my lap and asked “are we still going to be friends afterwards?”
You could try that, or just sit him on the couch, stand in front of him and start taking your clothes off without breaking eye contact, and watch his eyes light up (amongst other things)
You guys are made for each other!! Go for it!