I’m posting under a new account because I need to protect my interests here legally. I need a place where complexity is allowed, and where I don’t have to flatten what happened into something simpler than it was.
I’m 33F and currently 12 weeks pregnant and just starting to show. The father of my child is 32M. We’ve known each other for several years. I met him through my ex, and from early on I was aware that he had a long-standing, heated, on-and-off relationship with another woman from an extremely wealthy Asian background who is now 30F. I met her about six months after I first met him, and for awhile all of us were in the same friend group (me, her, my ex and him). Initially him and I were just friends, but our relationship changed since my marriage broke down and since his relationship with her broke down. There was no deception about her existence, and nothing about this situation began with me being unaware of the complexity. He remained in her life as a friend and a friend of her family and I was aware that he still saw her regularly although she has also had a new partner for over year.
Despite that context, he and I developed a deeply intimate, emotionally and physically close relationship. We talked for hours, supported each other through difficult periods, and shared a connection that felt rare and meaningful to me. I loved him deeply, even though I never said the words to him, I am sure he knew. I thought the world of him. I respected him, admired him, and trusted him.
He made me feel seen and understood in a way few people ever have. He listened to me. He took care of me in quiet, steady ways. He accepted me for who I am, not just who I present as. That emotional safety mattered more to me than anything else.
We also shared professional understanding.
I’m in real estate, and he’s in development. We understood each other’s work, pressures, and ambitions. He always encouraged me in my career and made me feel like I could achieve great success. In terms of a financial future we could have built together in the context for caring for a child, I truly felt that it was genuinely very promising and our child would be born with access to opportunities that many do not.
Both of us come with history. He was abandoned by his biological parents and raised in an adoptive family after immigrating as a toddler. He was born into extreme poverty and was raised in a very wealthy neighbourhood of our city going to a private school where he met this other woman as a teenager. That early abandonment he experienced has shaped how he relates to attachment, fear, and permanence. The other woman also carries deep family trauma. Her father had a second family that she discovered as a teenager. Their relationship has been cyclical for years, marked by repeated breakups and reunions. I don’t share this because these histories matter in understanding how decisions are being made now.
In April 2025, I became pregnant during my relationship with him.
That pregnancy was unplanned, but for a period of time we seriously discussed keeping the baby. I allowed myself to imagine it. I felt scared, but also hopeful. Then he had a severe emotional meltdown in front of me. He was panicked, overwhelmed, and pleading with me not to continue the pregnancy, saying he couldn’t handle it and would fall apart. Watching someone I loved unravel like that was devastating. I felt responsible for his pain. I also knew that he was still in love with this other woman, and he knew this would destroy her. I shouldn’t have taken that into account but I just loved him so much and I wanted the pain to go away, I made a completely selfless decision for the first time in my life even though it broke me.
I chose to have an abortion.
That loss stayed with me, and although our relationship continued afterward, we never really spoke about it since. He continued seeing her while she was dating someone else, and I made space for him in my life knowing he couldn’t commit to me. I even started dating other people casually trying to move on with my life, although I never met anyone I wanted to be in a relationship with, and I despised dating because I was already so in love.
At Christmas, I found out I was pregnant with his child again. I did not share the news with him until I was 8 weeks pregnant, partially because he was on vacation and partially because I didn’t want him to have a meltdown again and I knew I couldn’t make the same decision I did for him again this time.
This time when I told him, his response was different. He did not emotionally shut down. He was communicative, thoughtful, and engaged. We talked openly about the reality, including his situation with the other woman. I was patient and understanding of his concerns.
He was very concerned about finances and I reassured him that support from him doesn’t only mean money, and that my career allows me to increase my income quickly if needed.
Although the situation was still complex and I knew he was under a lot of pressure deciding when to tell her about the pregnancy, I was genuinely happy and excited about having this child with him. I knew in my heart he would be an amazing father to our child one day and it felt right to me to be carrying his baby, a baby conceived out of genuine love and connection.
We discussed co-parenting seriously. We toured a daycare together, and our child was accepted this week. We talked about logistics and support. Between us, there are three grandparents here, along with many close friends willing to help if needed. I was confident our child will have a stable, supported life and access to excellent education, including private school here. I felt grounded rather than afraid and saw a clear path forward.
I truly believed we could build a healthy, respectful co-parenting relationship, even if we weren’t together romantically. I had hoped that our relationship would evolve in time, and accepted that it could potentially just be a close friendship and co-parenting relationship. We even had planned to see a couples counsellor together. When I told my family about the pregnancy, they were very happy for me and excited to meet him whenever the timing felt right for us.
Then everything changed very suddenly.
This week, I learned that the other woman is also pregnant with his child, approximately five weeks along. She told him this BEFORE he told her that he got me pregnant. He initially told me he would meet with me in person to talk. I waited for that conversation and gave him a couple days to process. Then, abruptly this weekend he stopped replying.
Yesterday, I texted him and told him that is was extremely disrespectful to not communicate with me and it was making me rethink my coparenting relationship with him. Instead of hearing from him, I received a text from her yesterday afternoon.
In that message, I was informed that there is now a plan for them to build a family together, supported by her family’s extreme wealth and influence, with intentions to move overseas. She expressed that she looks forward to raising my child and appears to believe she has a claim to my child’s life. I am aware that all communication must go through a lawyer at this point and I simply stated that I would be going ahead with a public pregnancy announcement this week and would be naming him as the father, and that it will be public knowledge that he has a second family. She says they will be in touch around when I reach the 30 week mark. The tone of her messages are very concerning and the friends I showed them to were very worried about the possibility that they may want full custody, although I cannot for the life of me understand why they would want that. It will be clear that the child has no relation to her, all three of us have different ethnic backgrounds.
I am now 12 weeks pregnant, just starting to show now and trying to process the shock of being cut off without a conversation, broken up with by her on his behalf, without a goodbye, and without the respect of being told directly.
What hurts almost as much as the loss itself is the way it was handled.
I miss him already, deeply. At the same time, I feel enraged that someone I shared something so intimate and meaningful with, someone I loved so deeply, could choose to disappear rather than face me. I am heartbroken that he did not have the courage to meet me in person or say goodbye. He has not left town yet and he lives five minutes away from me, I am struggling to accept that he won’t show up on at my door and hug me and tell me he’s sorry he’s failed me and our baby.
I believe he knows that if he had sat with me, looked me in the eye, and explained his decision and his plans with her, I would have respected his integrity far more than I do now. Instead, this feels like cowardice. I think he did not want to see me cry. I think he did not want to see on my face how much pain he has caused. Or perhaps he could not bear to show me how much this decision pained him as well.
I don’t believe this is about love in a simple sense. I believe it’s about fear, unresolved trauma, and the pull of a path that feels safer and more protected because of wealth, influence, social status, optics and family backing. I can understand why one future might feel survivable while another feels terrifying. Understanding that doesn’t make it hurt less.
I am relieved in a sense that they plan to move overseas as it means my child will not have to grow up with a half-sibling who is fully loved and chosen by their father attending the same private private school in the same grade. That would have been too much trauma for a child to grow up with and I know it would have felt clear to the child that their dad did not show them the same level of commitment that they showed their half-sibling. I also know that they did not want to deal with the shame that they would have publicly once everyone knew that he fathered two children in the same year. Especially in very wealthy circles and since I am becoming well-known in town through my real estate career, this would have been poor optics for their family and image-control is everything to the ultra-wealthy. I truly believe that they will not return here to live with this hanging over their heads, and I also believe that she and her family will always hold this second family over his head and use this to control him for the rest of his life with her. He will go along with anything to try to prove that he is worthy as a father and husband and that he belongs in their elite world paid for by her family.
However, I do realize that I must focus on myself now and what is in my control and try to move on and not concern myself with what happens to him now that he has made his choice. I am grieving many things at once: the man I loved, the relationship and memories we shared, the father I thought my child would have, and the belief that empathy, patience, and good faith would be enough.
I think constantly about my child. I want them to feel wanted, secure, and emotionally safe. I know I can be a good parent on my own and I have the work ethic, intelligence and grit to be enough for my child. My plans to keep this baby were not dependent on him supporting the child. I also know that becoming a parent while grieving abandonment carries a specific and heavy kind of loss.
I was never prepared to go through this pregnancy alone, heartbroken without him in my life. Thinking about giving birth without him there breaks me. I believe that the day child is born will be a sad day for me, because I’ll be desperately missing the father of my child. I really wanted him to be the first person to hold our baby when it was born.
If anyone here has navigated pregnancy alongside sudden abandonment, how did you get through it? I would really appreciate hearing any advice.