This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Randomly had a guy I met up with once add me to instagram last night, and then after I blocked him a burner account was lurking on my stories. I blocked that too. I’m really bored with this stuff.
I have a date tomorrow and I am so full of dread I feel ill. I have no idea what I’m doing and I want to cancel so bad, but I don’t want to be rude.
Beginning of the year, I decided to be more open about my emotions and be more vulnerable. BUT HOLY HELL, I was not prepared for the backlash it caused whenever I get rejected.
I already ranted yesterday about how I got rejected after a second date when I expressed my intent of getting to know her better saying that she doesn’t feel the connection that she’s looking for. DUDE IT SUCKS ARSE FEELING
Woke up earlier at the 6 hour sleep mark feeling like ass with a flurry of emotions starting from frustration, sadness, despair and now I am operating with anger and spite driving me to look for better paying jobs and career
Just you fricking wait J****, I’ll catch up to that associate director arse position in some way or the other!
We’re eight months in and I’m not in love. He’s very understanding, self-reflective, willing to listen to me and make changes, good social network/ friends, active, good relationship with family, hot, aligned goals we have good chemistry…but I’ve had to ask for so many changes from him since we started dating. Nothing around personality / hobbies etc, but stuff around hygiene, consent / being present / checking in with me during sex, how to care for a partner when they are ill, things like that. Most of the things I ask he accepts and works to change. Sometimes it takes a few goes.
These are things that I think of a baseline (especially at our age..) and he’s willing to learn and grow, but it burns me up a bit that I have to ask/teach. Especially around sex / checking in with partner, we’ve had three boundary breaks during sex due to him not checking in or going on autopilot since I started seeing him (two when we first started dating and one about a month ago) and I told him after the last one if anything similar happened again I would leave. He acknowledged responsibility, apologized, and outlined steps to make me feel safe again. So far he’s been consistent but it’s only been a month.
I don’t know. I feel like I could love him but I need to totally trust him to do so. He’s been there for a few months. I’ve never dealt with anything like this with a partner before. I keep asking myself if it’s worth the struggle and honestly, I don’t know.
How do you interpret the “I had a good time tonight” message after a first date?
Had a date with a girl yesterday that I thought went well. She smiled a lot and her body language showed that she was attracted to me. I’m attracted to her and like her enough to at least go on a second date. She texted me when she got home saying she had a good time but neither of us have said anything about a second date (yet).
A lot of the dates I go on that turn into 2nd, 3rd, 4th dates usually make it very clear they want to see me again but this time it was slightly ambiguous.
I’m going to ask her for a second date regardless but just wanted to hear other people’s experiences or input.
I try to take things in stride when it comes to dating, part of the territory as a guy. But here are some of the minor annoyances I ran into these past few weeks, with both mix of online dating and in person conversations.
Matched with someone that sent the like first, had a good conversation and she asked if I like to meet. I waited to respond since I had a really busy day that day and also wanted to see what day I would be available. When I opened the app again (later in the day) she unmatched.
Multiple conversations where the women seemed interested, talking about places locally that are worth exploring. Proposed a date, crickets afterwards.
Multiple in person conversations at dating events where I exchanged numbers afterwards, sent the text the next day, no answer. One in particular annoyed me a lot since she seemed like she was very interested in going on a date, mentioned how dating apps sucked, had a very long conversation that I stayed out longer for instead of going home. And never responded to my texts after.
I think the whole idea that “in person is so much better!” isn’t as idealized as people think it is. At least with online, you never met the person so you just move on. In person, when there’s a conversation and some sort of a connection, then nothing after that when trying to follow up, I feel as though I just wasted my time. And these are the ones that complain about dating apps being terrible and yet can’t send a text back saying “thanks but no thanks”.
I am likely being ghosted or broken up with.
Valentines day we had a date. He told me he was hurt by something I did a few weeks before. I apologized. Then, It honestly turned in to him dogpiling a bunch of issues he’s been seeing in our relationship that he hadn’t brought up before (he told me I had low self esteem among many other things).
I was hurt and it soured the whole date. I told him the next day I wanted to talk about it some more when he returned back from family trip. He said ok, no communication since.
Lack of Communication from him is not his normal. No good morning text, no weird instagram shares that I adore. I feel like I’m being punished.
Oh well.
first time going on a date with someone with ‘moderate’ politics. really deaddove.jpg-ed myself because the conversation was desperately apolitical. the disconnect was fascinating. wym there’s no gendered dynamic in your tiny male manager yelling at women but being lax with men?
she’s talented, has interesting thoughts, and is cute. no spark though. i think that was on me. i felt too distracted to work with anything she was giving. is a second date really worth it or am i in denial about how much say i have in these matters?
I miss kissing, being kissed, cuddles, making out with my person, holding hands basically all the corny things people in relationships do. I feel silly typing this but am hopeful that I’ll meet my person this year.
Guy from Friday who I went on a first date with told me that everyone he meets on the apps he gives two dates to. this made me feel not special, as every girl he matches with gets another date. Well, he just asked me for a second date. I’m not as excited as I could be.
What would the Reddit hive mind do?
Guy friend rejected me but still acts like someone who is romantically interested. I can respect the rejection, but it is confusing. I know most guys see me as damaged goods and wouldn’t be interested in me romantically so I am not going to fall apart over a rejection but I’d like to just be able to move on so I stop getting my stupid hopes up every time I catch him watching me the way he does.
What do you guys do when turned down by someone you see a lot? What are your tried and true strategies for quashing a crush?
I do not get interested in people easily so for me it won’t be as easy as just going out with someone new.
So much good to gush about, it’s hard to put into words. This past weekend was really special – I’ll be replaying certain moments in my mind for a long time. I’m proud to now call the man I’ve been seeing for months, my partner :~)
There are still some things keeping the situation from being 100% perfect, but I think what matters most is that we were able to be open with each other about that stuff like never before. I think we really unlocked a new level of intimacy and it feels amazing.
Today I notice this on and off feeling like I could cry, but I truly don’t think it’s anything negative – if anything, I’m overwhelmed with love… and probably a big dash of withdrawal of physical touch, since we basically didn’t stop cuddling for 3 days straight, and now I’m just tired and at work.
I had a good night at speed dating last night. Two of the three women I had said yes for was mutual so now I need to set up times to meet them and get to know them further.
What was funny is that I was ready to get a refund for the event as I was sort of not wanting to go after a couple of things with wondering if my ticket would be fine after I purchase issue and coming back from visiting family. Then I when I was going to the event, the one time I thought about taking a different route to sort of go to the are than I normally would, when I was going to get on the outerbelt, the cops had the entrance blocked until after I could get on it. So I had to take a bunch of back roads. I was thinking I’d be late, but luckily got there before it started.
So despite the things around it, I’d say it ended up overall a good night. Now to see where it goes after.
I have a question. Is it weird that a guy has never ejaculated during sex?
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Got a call for the second round of the interview! It’s like a second date for me and I have to wait for them to initiate lol
Reactivated my profiles after two weeks of not swiping. Eeeeh… not sure I´m ready. I´m just not excited at all, but feeling lonely, wanting to chat. Not the best place to be swiping from.
I almost ruined things going for me right now 🤦🏽♂️ I was hanging out with her[28F] and I had brought up deleting my dating apps because I’d like to focus only on her, but I wasn’t trying to express exclusivity on the 2nd date.
She understandably felt weird about moving that quickly this early and she said she still wants to take the time to get to know me. And I understand but I felt like I kept saying the wrong things every step of the way and now I’m just kind of an anxious mess.
I feel like any moment I’m going to get a “it was fun, but I feel like you’re trying to move too quick” even though I feel like we clarified things and I told her I’m totally cool with moving at her pace and that I’ve been working on patience on getting to know someone so we can eventually and maybe have a relationship down the road.
Classic me ruining almost anything I have with someone god I feel so incredibly stupid right now 🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️
I went on a first date two weeks ago and we were supposed to have our second date Friday but he cancelled because he was sick. I haven’t received a message from him since and I’ve gotten mixed signals from him.
It’s so frustrating because I thought our date went well.
why would a guy laugh with you and give you “lovey” eyes on a first date, genuine good feelings and not ask you out on another one? was he faking it? it seemed really honest and real
I had an interesting week/weekend.
I’ve been going on dates with a few people. Two of them don’t seem particularly interested(but we keep going on dates). I have a feeling I’m some type of place holder until they figure out what to do with other people. I’m going to give it a few more dates with both of them to see what happens.
I went out with one girl who indicated she’s not as monogamous as I am in long term relationships. Dealbreaker for me.
I had a dancer hit on me at a bar. We exchanged info which is how I figured out what she does for work.
And that brings us to the weekend.
*sigh* there was one guy I was super excited about. We had some similar interests and he seemed nice. We went out on Valentine’s Day and it became very obvious that he was not right for me. Apparently a lot of his friends are strippers so he’s at the club a lot. And he has problems with many doormen/security in town. Red flags everywhere.
After that date I went to another event that night and a friend was there. He’s a new friend I met through mutuals and I’ve always thought he was really cute. But the thing is my best friend and him realized they work together. They just got that new job. It’s a pretty big company but still. I did talk to my friend a bit about it and we acknowledged it might make things weird. Unfortunately I am very attracted to this person and I could tell he was attracted to me.
When we were at the club we ended up dancing together and making out. If I hadn’t stopped myself I totally would have ended up sleeping with him. I know we would have good chemistry. So after a bit of that I called it and asked him if we could go talk on the patio. We had a pretty open chat about the work thing. And it seems like things are all good. We hung out a bit after that and now things are pretty ambiguous. I’m sure we will hang out again.
Anyways – after that I realized I had to tell my friend who works with him. I was nervous but they were really supportive so that’s a relief.
Next week I have three dates so I’m excited to see how they go.
Not dating related, but I have adult level 2 ice skating and a Wine 101 class this weekend.
Dating life may not be great, but always trying to get out more, try new things, and enjoy life.
32nb Update!
Had a full-on Nightmare that 39m absconded after one date with another woman and together they laughed and made fun of/were very cruel to me?? I cried?? And said It’s Over!! And then rode my bike for miles and miles to a sangha where there were ladies in their 60s on a long-distance run and I explored the studios and meditation spaces and knew I would be okay??
Pretty obvious message that I should continue to attend to my spiritual life, yoga, meditation, and exercise; and that I don’t need a romantic relationship to be fulfilled, but! I am wondering if I should initiate an exclusivity conversation, though I don’t feel ready to Commit to a Relationship yet…it has been 5 weeks! I saw him last night and will see him tomorrow, and luckily have therapy today//journaled a bit about it. But the dream really rattled me. He’s been very sweet, present, makes plans with me, likes me. Why am I so scared!
My ex reached out to me today. After our [couples therapist suggested] no contact period ended and she didn’t reach out, I truly thought I would never hear from her again.
She mentioned something she saw that made her think of me, said she was still figuring things out on her end, and that she hoped I was okay. I have such mixed feelings.
I have zero intentions of ever dating her ever again. But she is so alone in this world, and I still care for her and want her to be okay.
I don’t know whether my being a supportive friend (when she has none) will help her on her attachment and healing journey, or if any relationship with me will keep her from moving on.
Things going well, but is it too good to be true?
About 6 weeks in, seen eachother 2-3 times a week and spent weekends together. Obviously I (F32) did not do a good job at taking it slow…oh well. Am I being love bombed or are some men just actually kind and sweet?
He(M35) said hasn’t had a relationship last longer than a year. Makes me pretty nervous. But my serial monogamy/past relationship choices could also be seen as orange flags, so trying not to judge.
Feels a little soon to be meeting friends or family, but I think that’s just my severe social anxiety talking. I know some people don’t view that as that big of a deal.
Idk maybe I’m just fucked and making the same mistakes all over again. At least this time there’s no obvious red flags, compatibility is actually there and he treats me well…..Again makes me sus. When will the other shoe drop? But that’s probably just the anxiety and trauma speaking, right? Seems like an ‘only time will tell’ situation, anxiety and CPTSD be damned. If it doesn’t work out and goes down in flames, well, ce la vie….Isn’t dating fun?
Met someone on a dating app that lets you see local and non-local connections. Met a guy in Canada and spent the last 3 weeks talking non-stop. Stopped looking at Hinge and stopped going on dates. Only to get the bomb dropped on me that he’s moving back in with his ex. Then he blocked me. Absolute emotional whiplash.