Me (23F) and my boyfriend (25M) have been together almost 5 years. We went through college together, started our careers, and now live together in the city where we both work.
Our lifestyles feel really different. He socializes mostly online with friends on his gaming console, and the only people he knows in our city are coworkers he doesn’t really hang out with outside of work. I’ve made friends through my job and through communities like my gym and running clubs, so I’m out a few nights a week. Honestly, I joined those because otherwise I’d just be sitting at home alone while he socialized online.
At home, we both cook but I do most of it. I also usually handle grocery shopping unless I specifically ask him, and I do a lot of the laundry. I work early hours, so I go to bed early and wake up early, while he stays up late and wakes up later. One ongoing issue is that he criticizes me a lot about leaving my coat, shoes, or bag out. I’ll admit I’m not great with clutter and I can be sensitive to criticism, but the way he speaks to me about it can feel really harsh and honestly cruel sometimes, especially during arguments. It’s not just what he says, it’s how he says it.
Lately I’ve noticed I don’t really feel the desire to be intimate, and sometimes I catch myself thinking about what it would be like to live on my own. But when I try to picture actually leaving, I get overwhelmed by the logistics of separating our lives. When we argue he can be really cutting with his words, and then afterwards he tells me how much he loves me, which makes me feel guilty for even thinking about leaving.
I guess I’m looking for perspective from people who’ve been in similar situations. Can something like this actually be fixed? And if not, how do you even start the process of leaving when you know it won’t be easy and you might have to stand your ground more than once?
TL;DR: 23F with 25M, together 5 years, living together. I do most household stuff and have an active social life while he mostly socializes online. He can be harsh and cruel with criticism during arguments, then loving after, which makes me feel guilty for considering leaving. I’m torn between trying to fix things or figuring out how to separate.