I (38F) went on a first date with a guy (29M) and we hit it off almost instantly. Great physical chemistry and conversation, lots of stuff in common, and it was clear we wanted to get to know each other more. Before the date was over, he asked me if he could see me again two days later, to which I said yes. I was surprised that he wanted to see me so quickly but I liked that he was clearly expressing interest. Second date, the conversation again flowed really well, but I did bring up a little about my relationship history. I also said I was looking for something more stable and consistent, and he said he was looking for the same.
A day after, I noticed a shift in his energy. He was texting less and the initial convos seemed a little dry. I ignored it but asked if he wanted to see each other again. He said that he did, but after thinking some more he doesn’t think he’s ready for a long term relationship and doesn’t want to rush into anything serious too quickly. I’m confused by this because I’m not sure what prompted it, but I said I’m not interested in rushing either, I want to take my time to make sure I’m dating the right person. So I thought we were on the same page. But ever since then in the back of my mind there has been this lingering insecurity and I feel myself pulling back. I think it’s because of how intense our connection was in the initial first two dates, that I feel a bit of whiplash in him saying we need to slow down, even though I know this is a wise thing to do to make sure the connection is real and we’re not burning out too quickly.
Any advice for how to slow down? Unfortunately since then we ended up already having sex so if anyone’s advice was to wait, I’m afraid we’re past that point 🫣 I’m not sure what slowing down means after that – is it texting less, hanging out less, not having sex as often…I’m honestly not sure because all of those things seem like normal things to do with people you like and want to date more. Any advice?