I (31F) have been with my boyfriend (30M) for 2 years and living together for 1.He’s generally thoughtful, kind, and attentive. We’ve talked seriously about getting engaged this summer.
He bought a condo before we started dating. His parents encouraged him to do it and helped with the down payment. He didn’t live on his own before that, and they also paid for his education.
For context on me: I lost my mom 10 years ago, my dad has been sick for years. I moved home for 2 years to rebuild financially after living in a high cost of living area. I just paid off my student loans and have worked really hard to build up my savings. Financial security is extremely important to me because I don’t really have a safety net / anywhere to go if anything were to happen to my dad.
He now wants to sell his condo because after running the numbers, he thinks we’d save more money renting together long-term. I’m open to renting, even though my monthly costs would increase, because I’d be part of the decision (location, space, etc.).
The issue: he’d likely take about a $25K loss after fees if he sells. Last night he said he’s debating selling now instead of waiting until his mortgage renewal because even if he waits, he might still be selling at a loss, and selling now gives him more time to rebuild savings.
Then he said, “and realistically it’s going to be costing you $25K because I don’t have that money.”
That comment really threw me. I didn’t think me taking on that loss would even be up for discussion, let alone sound like the assumption. Especially since he knows my views around the importance of financial security.
The only way I could help would be pulling money from my RRSP, which has tax penalties and long-term opportunity cost. If I paid the initial cost, my monthly expenses would then go up making it even harder for me to replace that money. Beyond that, emotionally it makes me feel very vulnerable. If something went wrong in our relationship down the line, I’d be in vulnerable position, potentially unable to leave if I wanted to.
I don’t want to sound selfish, but I also don’t feel like I should be responsible for covering a loss on an asset I don’t own and never decided to buy, especially when I’ve made a lot of sacrifices to get where I am financially.
He’s a kind and generous partner overall, which is why this feels confusing. But it’s making me second guess whether I’d feel financially safe getting engaged without clearer protections in place.
Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to take on this $25K? If you were in my position, how would you protect yourself? Would you speak to a lawyer, a financial advisor, or both?